Porn Addiction can be notoriously hard to quit.  Relapse is the norm, at least in the initial months of recovery.  Many recovering porn addicts quit for a long period, sometimes by giving up their computers entirely, sometimes with the use of blocking software, only to relapse again.

The harm reduction approach to addiction treatment is conceived as an alternative to total abstinence from the substance or behavior and involves techniques to reduce the risks that go along with addiction.  The early harm reduction techniques originated in 1972 in the Netherlands as an approach to drug addiction.  Early harm reduction, later called “normalization”  involved things like needle exchanges and methadone maintenance for drug addicts.  Recently the term has been used to describe system of care services that are interdisciplinary, empowering, and involving the family and community.

A week ago the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) published its intention to work towards and devote research funding to a new system for mental health diagnoses as an alternative to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) published by the American Psychiatric Association.  The various incarnations of the DSM have been dubbed the “gold standard” of diagnostic criteria for mental disorders and have provided a common framework for practitioners, researchers and insurers to relate to. 

The trouble is that the DSM has never been any good as a basis for understanding and treating mental disorders because it is built, as the NIMH announcement says, out of collections of symptoms rather than identifiable or understandable disorders.

“Really listening is like dying for a minute” Michael L. Alvarez, MFT

You can make the art of listening work for you in your recovery.  Practicing real listening gives us a chance to practice basic recovery skills.

Addicts and people with intimacy issues are not particularly good at listening to other people.  Really listening to someone demands a level of awareness and a kind of attending that every addict needs to acquire.

Why listening is like love

The manic hypersexuality often characteristic of bipolar disorder and the possibility of bipolar disorder in those diagnosed with sex addiction are sometimes difficult to untangle.

According to a handful of studies reported in the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) article “Opening the Door on Hypersexuality,” the prevalence of hypersexuality among people with bipolar disorder is anywhere from 25 to 80% with an average estimate of 57%.  NAMI states:

I have heard from any number of women who are understandably shocked and confused to find out that the man they are seeing or married to has been having sexual experiences with other men.  Sometimes it is in the form of actual sexual encounters in various situations and sometimes it is only in the context of cybersex experiences.  These are situations in which the relationship had previously seemed like a normal heterosexual one.  Often it is confusing to the man as well who feels he cares for and is genuinely attracted to his female partner.

Straight men who are interested in gay sex are not at all uncommon. 

“The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”

Mahatma Gandhi

Can you ever forgive the betrayal by a sex addict partner?  The addict has led a double life and lied to your face.  The relationship you have with a spouse or partner is supposed to be the primary relationship in your life, your primary loyalty.   The addict has done violence to the bond you held sacred.

We do not succeed in recovery from addiction by creating a stress free life.  We succeed by being resilient in the face of life’s stresses and strains.  Resilience requires maintaining lifestyle balance, and restoring it when it is lost

People have many different kinds of needs beyond basic survival.

Some people can look at internet pornography now and then and not become porn addicts.  Others get hooked on porn very quickly and spend hours online, often jeopardizing their work, neglecting their families and wrecking their relationships.

Why are some people more at risk for internet porn addiction?

There is an old recovery saying that you can’t get sober if you are too smart, too rich or too good-looking.   Anyone working with sex addicts knows that these attributes can sometimes present challenges.

I’m not saying that looks brains and money cause sex addiction but I can see some of the ways they might operate to prevent the addict getting better.

As a recovering sex addict you will probably become involved with an “anonymous” program such as Sex Addicts Anonymous.  These programs are modeled after AA in which the original emphasis was on the informal support of the “fellowship” and a sponsor who guided you through the 12-steps.

In Sex Addicts Anonymous and some of the hundred plus other 12-step programs that have sprung up, members have formed “feedback groups” and “recovery partnerships” as additional kinds of relationships to support recovery.