Relationships Articles

6 Ways Helping Others Helps Addicts Recover

Wednesday, December 17th, 2014

helping othersAddicts are afraid of other people. Sex addiction has been aptly described as an intimacy disorder, a disorder resulting from an avoidance of intimacy and a compartmentalization of one’s life and one’s sense of self. and their early life experience typically makes them feel unlovable and unable to be themselves around other people. Addicts deal with this dilemma by creating a facade or false self that they show to the world. Their real self, including their deepest sexual desires are compartmentalized and hidden.


Are You Dating a Narcissist or a Borderline?

Wednesday, December 10th, 2014

borderline or narcissistPerhaps you have been involved with someone who appears to be seriously interested in the relationship but who sometimes goes emotionally off the rails, lashes out at you, and becomes over-defensive. And what if they also have an exaggerated need for attention, over-react when criticized, and seem to shut you out for no reason?

Leaving aside the question of whether you should stick around, and assuming instead that you see some value in this person, you may be wondering whether they are exhibiting signs of a personality disorder. And if you think they are, you may begin to speculate as to whether the person is a narcissist or a borderline.


Can Serial Cheaters Change?

Monday, December 1st, 2014

Wedding RingsA reader posted this question as to whether serial cheaters can change. In thinking about it I realized the answer is not a simple yes or no. Many factors enter into the prognosis for serial cheating such as the characteristics of the cheater, whether the cheating is part of an addiction, the motivation to cheat and the motivation to change.

Cheating in general is so common that it further complicates separating out what is serial cheating and what is just the normal state of affairs (as it were). The statistics I have seen are from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy:


Sex Addiction Recovery Takes a Long Time– or Not

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

struggling with recoveryPeople seeking help for sex addiction are anxious to see the light at the end of the tunnel. They are often stunned when I tell them that, even for those who are diligent and motivated, the whole process takes about 3 to 5 years.

Some practitioners might say that, like alcoholism, sex addiction is a chronic condition requiring continuous treatment for life to prevent relapse. I don’t think this is always the case. As I have argued elsewhere  I believe that sex addiction recovery is possible and lasting. At some point people can say “I am a recovered sex addict”.

And yet the actual process of getting to that point of solid and reliable recovery seems to take a determined effort over a period of years. There is one possible form of sex addiction which may be different, and I will discuss that further on.

The Six Stages of Sex Addiction Recovery


4 Types of Subtle Manipulation

Monday, September 1st, 2014

feeling manipulatedManipulation can be very subtle. We often talk about how manipulative addicts are. And in particular we talk about how sex addicts manipulate others in order to avoid discovery, throw their partner off the scent and “gaslight” their partners. In gaslighting, a term taken from the 1944 movie Gaslight, a person controls another person by finding ways to make them think that they are imagining things or that they are actually delusional.


Using Polygraph Tests to Keep Sex Addicts Honest

Monday, July 21st, 2014

Costs Benefits Choices On Signpost Showing Analysis And Value Of An InvestmentAsking a sex addict to take a polygraph seemed ludicrous to me at first. First off, it seems like something you do with a criminal, not with a patient who has come in for help with a sexually compulsive behavior.


Leaving a Sex Addict: 5 Frequently Asked Questions

Wednesday, July 16th, 2014

Businessman Chasing His WomanDivorce is always a big adjustment and often carries with it a period of grief and other strong emotions. But breaking up with a sex addict brings its own strange set of challenges.


9 Good Reasons to Stay with a Sex Addict

Monday, July 7th, 2014

happy coupleI do not take sides on the issue of whether it is better to stay in a marriage or committed relationship with a sex addict or whether it is better to get away and start over.  I think there are many valid arguments on both sides depending on the situation.


The Inner World of a Sex Addict

Monday, June 30th, 2014

looking insideA reader asked how it feels for a sex addict to lead a double life. This is an interesting question and to some extent the answer is “It depends on the addict.”

New studies in progress using the MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory), The Millon Clinical Inventory and the Sexual Dependency Inventory suggest that different general types of sexually addictive behavior tend to clump together with different personality types or traits. These types vary from less to more severe.


4 Tips to Avoid Picking an Addict

Monday, June 9th, 2014

Man shaking woman handI was starting a romantic relationship a while back with a guy I liked a lot. I was talking to a friend about it and the friend said “how does he get along with your dog?” This was a striking question at the time because the guy, as nice as he seemed, didn’t relate to the dog at all! As it turned out I should have trusted my friend– and the dog.





Check Out Linda Hatch's books,
Relationships in Recovery & Living with a Sex Addict.


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Recent Comments
  • Neil: I have been looking for information and explanation of exploitative sexual fantasies which dominate my mind. I...
  • Emma: Please don’t call them “disorders of self”. My therapist thinks I might be borderline, after...
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  • David Cummins: A number of my clients have run into this. I shared the article and it really seemed to help. Thanks
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