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General

Risk Factors in Recovery From Sexual Betrayal

At the recent CSAT convention in February the emphasis was on partners and couples recovering from the posttraumatic stress of sex addiction. The numerous lectures covered a wide range of topics, but several things stood out to me.

What follows are some snippets I gleaned which are by no means meant to address betrayal trauma as a whole or the many issues involved in disclosure, assessment and treatment.   Rather they are suggestions regarding some of the relevant risk factors and healing strategies.

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General

New Study on Porn and Erectile Dysfunction is a Wax Banana

I chose the metaphor of fake fruit to describe the recent article by Prause and Pfaus entitled Viewing Sexual Stimuli Associated with Greater Sexual Responsiveness, Not Erectile Dysfunction. I did this not because of any phallic symbolism with bananas but because the authors present fake conclusions. Published in the online journal Sexual Medicine (04/2015; DOI: 10.1002/sm2.58) this article appears to offer a synthesis of findings from Prause's prior attempts at porn research.  On closer inspection the article turns out to be lacking in any real substance.

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General

If You Never Go Limp

I am impressed with the fact that men, the same men who are reluctant to have any fears or vulnerabilities, are all but obsessed with one persistent insecurity: their sexual potency. Normal men seem to be just this side of having a body dysmorphic disorder about their penis size and experience performance anxiety that is crippling enough to make them take ED drugs when they don't need them.

A recent NYTimes.com article (1/25/15) reported the data on men's Google searches which found that men make more Google searches about their penises than about any other body part, more than about their lungs, liver, feet , ears, nose, throat and brain combined.
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cross addiction

The Whack-a-Mole Effect: Tackling New Addictions in Sexual Recovery

Sex Addicts in recovery have worked hard to identify their damaging addictive sexual behaviors such as out-of-control porn use, constant sexual hook-ups, or the obsessive pursuit of commercial sex. And they are often able to identify and eliminate other addictions such as drugs or alcohol which co-exist with their primary sex addiction.

In addition to these off limits behaviors, sex addiction treatment and 12-step programs help the addict to be on the alert for "slippery" behaviors. These might include things like driving through the neighborhood where the addict's favorite sexual massage parlor is located. These are red flags because although they are not forbidden, they can lead down the path toward relapse.

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General

6 Ways Helping Others Helps Addicts Recover

Addicts are afraid of other people. Sex addiction has been aptly described as an intimacy disorder, a disorder resulting from an avoidance of intimacy and a compartmentalization of one's life and one's sense of self. and their early life experience typically makes them feel unlovable and unable to be themselves around other people. Addicts deal with this dilemma by creating a facade or false self that they show to the world. Their real self, including their deepest sexual desires are compartmentalized and hidden.

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General

Are You Dating a Narcissist or a Borderline?

Perhaps you have been involved with someone who appears to be seriously interested in the relationship but who sometimes goes emotionally off the rails, lashes out at you, and becomes over-defensive. And what if they also have an exaggerated need for attention, over-react when criticized, and seem to shut you out for no reason?

Leaving aside the question of whether you should stick around, and assuming instead that you see some value in this person, you may be wondering whether they are exhibiting signs of a personality disorder. And if you think they are, you may begin to speculate as to whether the person is a narcissist or a borderline.

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General

Can Serial Cheaters Change?

A reader posted this question as to whether serial cheaters can change. In thinking about it I realized the answer is not a simple yes or no. Many factors enter into the prognosis for serial cheating such as the characteristics of the cheater, whether the cheating is part of an addiction, the motivation to cheat and the motivation to change.

Cheating in general is so common that it further complicates separating out what is serial cheating and what is just the normal state of affairs (as it were). The statistics I have seen are from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy:

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General

New Treatment Models for Teen Porn Addiction

The enormous global proliferation of online pornography has made a vast array of sexually explicit material available to a large teen audience on laptops, tablets and smart phones. And if smart accessories catch on, you will soon be able to wear your pornography.

Online pornography accounts for such an overwhelming proportion of internet traffic that a new search engine has been created specifically for adult content. It was designed by two former Google employees and searches only for pre-screened adult content that is free of illicit or malevolent intent. It is also designed to protect the user from cookies and other forms of identity tracking. The site was launched on September 15th and according to the founders has "taken off like a rocket."

Internet porn has long been seen as more readily accessible than riskier and more costly habits like prostitutes, massage parlors or anonymous hook-ups. This in turn makes it more easily available to youth, with the typical first exposure being in the pre-teen years.

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