If you have ever tried to relate to a serious narcissist you will realize that there is something different about it. Because narcissists are deeply insecure they need to constantly establish their power and worth. They are not like hypnotists they literally are hypnotists. It’s how they relate. The normal feelings you get with someone you like, feeling like you have “good chemistry” or feeling like you “hit it off” bear no resemblance to falling under the spell of a true narcissist.
How they hypnotize
Narcissists have one main technique for putting you into a trance: they take over. They draw you into listening to them as they talk about themselves or about some other thing as it relates to them.
Narcissists are good at being the center of attention, and since this often makes them interesting, clever, quick and witty they will be able to command your full attention. They pull you into their orbit by getting you to focus on them. You start to feel pleasantly passive and entertained.
In this state you are lulled into giving up all subjectivity. You find yourself agreeing with them, taking their lead. You want them to like you.
The result is that unlike compulsive seducers, narcissists don’t try to make you feel loved. They make you feel that life is good because you are their best and biggest fan.
You have given up your independent will and become their audience. You are hypnotized.
Because hypnotism has great powers to persuade, you may end up wanting to prolong the feeling of being in the narcissist’s orbit. You will be persuaded to feel that you want to befriend them, that you want to be like them, and want to help them. You want this because….well you just do.
If you relate regularly to such a person you will enter into their world on their terms. You will end interpreting things in terms of what they would say or do.
But life in this world is a one way street. You are the audience and they are the star. In their world what matters is “looking marvelous” and never feeling that anyone is superior to you. The charm of their world makes everything else ordinary.
Breaking the spell
Breaking the spell is hard. You care a great deal about what the narcissist thinks of you. And since you have given up your independent sense of self around them you feel like it would be very hard to decide to look at things critically. If you work for such a person you have an even greater need to maintain the status quo.
If you are a child growing up with narcissistic parents this process of breaking the spell is virtually impossible.
Here are some things to focus on that will help you identify your trance state and in so doing, change it.
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Best of Our Blogs: March 12, 2013 | World of Psychology (March 12, 2013)
Last reviewed: 18 Mar 2013