Ah women, what makes them happy with their partner, and what turns them on sexually,
can be baffling to men.But not because men and women are from different planets. As a recent study showed, in truth, both are from the same planet Earth; they share more in common, at least intellectually, mentally and emotionally, than they are different.
And the differences? Well, let’s just say, “Vive la difference!”
Myths that baffle men and women?
You wouldn’t know how much men and women have in common from what science and other writings have proclaimed for centuries, and in more recent decades, media and entertainment industries (and especially pornography) have reinforced and embellished mythical portrayals of women as potentially dangerous to men, akin to unruly children who must be dominated, not trusted or spoiled (“for their own good”).
Myths of romanticized dominance (eroticized, for men) still prevail. It’s not unusual for male partners to think its their job, on the one hand, to fix or set their partners straight, tell them what to do or think, scold or punish if she doesn’t follow his advice, and then blame her for making him feel inadequate for not allowing him to do his job.
While it may feel he has failed, the real problem largely lies in a set of strategies men are conditioned from boyhood to use in order to deliberately block emotional intimacy.
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Hits the nail on the head!
seems to all be rather one-sided as if a man’s happiness is somehow unimportant or not considered as a function of the woman’s actions.
It talks about how men can please women because that’s the topic of the article. It’s not as if it was called “what men and women can do to turn each other on” and then only discussed what men can do for women.
Hopefully the author will come out with one about what women can do for their men as well.
Article’s spot on though, I think.
Dr. Staik’s approach is spot on and I’m thrilled to have found her articles. I would love to hear more about #8 since I believe men become “lookers” as part of their automatic response patterns in an attempt to feel that they belong and matter. It would be wonderful to think that men could just stop turning their heads, but as Dr. Staik points out in other articles, subconscious responses are susceptible to triggers and may be difficult to unwire.
It’s been my experience that not all men are “lookers” but those who are have typically suffered in their own right due to the culture of dominance (code for the more loaded term Patriarchy) that Dr. Staik speaks of. Many of them felt that the main way to prove their masculinity was to show obvious interest in women. Their insecurities may also be compounded by female rejection and emasculation from other males (especially if they don’t participate in stereotypically male activities like sports, are slight of build, or otherwise don’t fit a traditionally “masculine” mold).
These factors in various degrees can create a mechanism intended to help a man cope with feelings of unworthiness, of not mattering, of not belonging, etc. This could be even more imbedded in the subconscious due to the fact that girls come into a young boy’s field of vision just as they are reaching adolescence and being “forced” to erode the loving connection with his parents (if he was lucky enough to have one) and replace it with stoicism and independence.
I know there are entire books written on the pathology of the western male, but I wonder if Dr. Staik could address this bone of contention in a more thorough way in an attempt to help men rewire their responses and help women be compassionate during the process. I would be very interested in seeing her apply her unique brilliance in the field of neuroscience to this very pervasive problem that prevents couples from being as happy and secure as they can be.