Archives for Your Brain - Page 3

Conscious Lifestyle

Handling Fears: Seven Steps to Break Through to Optimal Results, 2 of 2

The fear response can be a great teacher. In Part 1 we looked at three ways fear is your friend as an action activating signal. So, how do we handle fear to produce optimal results and meaningful change, when we get triggered? As an example, lets’ say the fear has to do with going after what you most want due to a fear of failure.

This article outlines a seven step approach.
1. Recognize and feel your emotions courageously, pausing to breathe deeply and notice your experience.
This first step allows you to turn within to recognize your emotions as natural responses, as key information you want to connect to -- rather than fear or dismiss. Taking deep long breaths and noticing your experience is a key way to be present, and it also helps to recognize your feelings with words that identify your emotions and describe what you feel upset about, such as,
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Addictive Relating

Handling Fears: Three Ways Fear Is Your Friend, 1 of 2

When we get triggered by an event, it’s tempting to follow the accompanying thoughts down a rabbit hole to the useless world of doubts and negative forecasts, and other “oh no’s and “what if’s.”

Doing so is usually counterproductive however and likely to intensify fear instead, perhaps to the point of activating defense strategies, and other stuck, harmful patterns. When thoughts intensify fears to levels that flood the mind and body with cortisol, fear can virtually shut down most normal processes of the body to include higher-thinking brain functions.

At best, this can leave us feeling powerless, perhaps losing our sense of hope.

There are more effective, and proven successful ways to handle fears, to learn and benefit from them, perhaps even support loved ones to do the same by modeling healthy responses. Before outlining some steps, there are several things to consider about fear:
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Addictive Relating

How to Argue to Strengthen Your Relationship: The Power of Giving the Love You Each Want, 3 of 3


Speaking of breaking free of the criticizing habit, a step discussed in Part 2, it's a lot easier to achieve when you also shift your focus to wanting to understand what you each want, then actively giving or supporting each other to realize your wants and yearnings etc. -- at minimum with the energy you bring. These two remaining steps strengthen your relationship, and are the subject of this post.
Step 4: Know What You Each Want — and Why
Step four consists of two parts: clearly understanding what you (really, really) want and why, and also what your partner wants and why.

Knowing what you want makes it more likely you will: (1) be heard and understood ; (2) say and express what you want in ways your partner can "listen" (not get triggered); (3) stay on topic focused on what is most relevant; and (4) eventually come to a mutually satisfying resolution.
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Addictive Relating

How to Argue to Strengthen Your Couple Relationship, 2 of 3

Like it or not, you are the one constant in your couple relationship. If your couple relationship is on the rocks and you're wondering why you seem to "attract" certain issues or partners, here's a sobering thought (and potentially uplifting): What you bring to your relationship shapes you and your life. If you're not consciously choosing what you bring, i.e., in terms of your intentions, thoughts, actions etc., you're sitting on pure power, waiting to go to work for you.

In
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Addictive Relating

Pornography: Guaranteed to Block Healthy Sexual Relations, 1 of 3

Based on decades of research, marketing strategists know what few consumers come to realize, and that is: (1) beliefs are the most powerful catalyst for shaping human behaviors -- and (2) beliefs can be altered subconsciously, without consent or knowledge.

How does it work? By associating carefully crafted ideas that spark emotions of pleasure or fear (or both), accordingly, with preexisting human emotion-drives (hardwired value system), and repeating these ideas over and over.

Sociologically speaking, when it comes to shaping cultural values, this means mass media has been a formidable force, a top competitor for the hearts and minds of children and adults alike -- once primarily socialized by family and in varying degree other key institutions such as education and church.

Arguably the game-changing mass media to ever enter the equation of what socializes and shapes men and women's thoughts, beliefs and behaviors, truth be told, for the worse, has to be the porn industry.

The inside knowledge of how human beings learn and change per se can be beneficial.

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Conscious Lifestyle

Transformative Change: Five Steps to Empower Your Mind to Create a New Reality

               So what is transformative change about?

One way to think of transformative change is as an inner capacity you have to create the happiness and meaning in life that you're naturally included to realize.

More specifically, it is a conscious way of thinking about your self and life that increasingly moves you in directions of seeking to learn and to keep stretching your ability to love your self and life around you, thus transforming your...
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Addictive Relating

Predictors of Infidelity: Why Do Partners Cheat?

Though men and women's sexual behaviors seem to blur on TV, movies and entertainment, researchers and professionals who treat couples indicate key differences persist.

In a recent study of predictors of infidelity in couple relationships, the findings overall indicated men and women overall seem to follow the stereotypes. The focus on sex, performance, variety and frequency tends to be driven by men, while the focus on emotional connection and nonsexual affection by women.

Drs. Mark, Janssen and Milhausen found no significant differences in rates of infidelity of men, with 23 percent for men and 19 percent for women, however, what predicted infidelity differed for men and women. Predictors for men in the study had more to do with personality traits, such as performance anxiety, a propensity for getting sexually excited by triggers, and so on, whereas relationship factors, such as emotional intimacy, partnership, feeling ignored, craving closeness or affection, etc., carried significantly more weight for women.

The reasons women cheat seem more related to unfulfilled expectations or failure, their own or partner's, with regard to developing a deeper emotional connection. In contrast, author and sex addiction expert Robert Weiss states in an article on why men cheat that when it comes to sex, "men tend to be most aroused by a visual succession of body parts and sexual acts" where as women are "aroused by sexualized and romanticized emotional connections between people more than body parts."

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Conscious Lifestyle

Genuine Love: Four Mantras to Calm Storms (& Feel Safe Enough to Remain, Present & Connected )


Human beings yearn to be loved, and feeling loved and valued connects us to feeling safe and secure. In a recent book titled, True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart, author and Zen monk Thich, offers couples a series of practices to help them deepen their connection to what he calls four components of love: loving kindness, compassion, joy and freedom.

One of these practices are four mantras for partners to verbalize out loud to one another or quietly to themselves, as needed. Creating love is about energizing greater intimacy. Genuine intimacy is an emotional state of being; it is more about how your choices affect the quality of energy inside you and your partner -- and less about overt actions. If you are in a place where you feel totally safe from the world when you reach for your partner or are in your partner's arms -- and -- they feel t0tally safe when they reach or are in yours … that's genuine intimacy.

Couples can use the following mantras to create a sense of love and safety, personal and relational happiness:

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Addictive Relating

The Neuroscience of Addictive Love: Attributes of Love Addiction

What is this thing called ‘love’? Plato labeled love an ‘irrational desire,” and song titles such as “The Things We Do For Love,” as well as lyrics of songs such as “Why Do Fools Fall In Love,” convey the befuddling impact love relationships can have on human brains. For human beings, men and women alike, there is perhaps no bigger fascination or obsession for the senses, heart and mind, body and spirit.

The good news from fields of neuroscience and intimacy (known as social neuroscience, attachment, affective neuroscience and cognitive neuroscience) is that up-close studies of the brain mechanisms underlying behavior in social relationships have taken much of the mystery out of our quest to understand couple relationships.

As Dr. Sue Johnson states in a recent book, Hold Me Tight, quite the contrary, love relationships seem to be governed by an "exquisite logic" that follows rather precise algorithms. Bonding behaviors, it turns out, are less of a mystery and more a science.

We now understand, for example, there are neurochemical reasons why we tend to make poor decisions in certain relational contexts.
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Addictive Relating

Personal Power: How to Own It (& Stop Giving It Away) In Your Couple Relationship, 1 of 2

In successful relationships, partners take the basics seriously, and handle the yearnings of each to feel heard and understood as unique beings as really, really important; in short, they treat one another with dignity, recognizing their own and one another's personal power.
As top trial lawyer Gerry Spence notes, what we face when we interact with one another, is what we most fear in our relationships, and that is: the power of the other as an agent of their choices.

The other has the power, for example, to choose to say no, to deny some need, want or yearning, and so on, and because this directly challenges our own sense of personal power (to realize dreams, wants and needs), it touches our deepest intimacy fears, such as fear of inadequacy, rejection, abandonment.

Not surprisingly, this dynamic is particularly intense in couple relationships.
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