Neuroscience and Relationships

Relationships Articles

How to Create a Timeline: The Power of Re-working Your Life’s Story, 1 of 2

Friday, April 27th, 2012

It’s been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. If so then capturing your life on paper with a timeline exercise may be worth millions.

A timeline or lifeline exercise is a grid that allows you to have a bird’s eye view of your life, and to see the positive and negative shifts along the way on a single trajectory.

Even more, it can be a tool to make conscious self-directed changes that, literally, rewire your brain to heal itself. Known as plasticity, your brain has an innate capacity to make changes in positive, healing directions. Like other tools, you need to know it’s there to access, and how to use it.

Everyone has a unique timeline. It consists of a series of events, trends and turns that culminate in producing cycles of positive and negative shifts, highs and lows in the course of a lifetime from birth.

What are the benefits?

Putting your timeline on paper is an opportunity to record vital information about your life and past. There are several benefits to completing this exercise.

Ten Steps of Acceptance – When Forgiveness Is Not An Option

Friday, April 6th, 2012

In response to being wronged or mistreated by a loved one, whether emotional or physical abuse, or betrayal and infidelity, forgiveness is often considered the most critical ingredient for healing to eventually take place.

Indeed, depending on the context, forgiveness is a powerfully healing agent. In fact, a refusal to forgive or let go often prolongs suffering for the person that was wronged.

But what happens when the hurtful actions are repetitive and ongoing? Or, when the person who has acted wrongly is not willing (or able) to make meaningful amends? Or when the wronged person is not ready to forgive?

In these circumstances, argues Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, author of How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not To, genuine forgiveness can only take place when the onus of responsibility rests on the person who acted wrongly to earn forgiveness, and that, in certain situations, the best option for the person who was mistreated or betrayed is to have the freedom to not forgive, and to instead turn to the healing power of acceptance, one of four approaches to forgiveness.

Depression? Anxiety? Seven Strategies to Naturally Boost Healing Processes in the Brain & Body, 3 of 3

Saturday, March 31st, 2012

Honestly speaking, why turn to a pill without first giving mindful consideration to a plethora of research in support of powerful options that put you, and the power of your choices, in the driver’s seat? You always have a choice to give yourself permission to self-direct your own healing naturally (together with your doctor, as necessary).

After all, who better to understand you and your brain and body’s natural healing intelligence, to grow your awareness of inner signals and sensations, to get to know the healing attributes of different foods and exercise, and the powerful impact of this knowledge on your life?

Who is in better position to connect to your own inner resources of intuitive and common sense wisdom, your deepest needs for emotional, mental (and physical) health and wellbeing, or your fondest dreams and aspirations?

In the first post, Part 1, we looked at published findings that sound alarm on antidepressants, and possible forces behind the exponential rise of mental (and physical) illness in the last few decades, and then in Part 2, we considered five factors that can elevate toxic levels of stress in the body, and set the stage for serious emotional disturbances, such as depression or anxiety.

In this post we look at seven strategies that work together to successfully address the factors that elevate toxic levels of stress. The last couple of decades have seen a growing consensus and numerous findings and publications recognizing the benefits of taking a natural approach to emotional (and physical) wellness.

How Eating & Drinking Nutritionally Smart Positively Affects Emotional Health (And Relationships)

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

The bottom line is that foods have an immense impact on your emotions, moods and physical health, all of which directly impact your ability to deal with not only challenges, and day to day stressors, but also issues in your relationships.

Findings show that nutrition deficiencies cause biochemical conditions in the brain and body that raise stress to toxic levels, fostering depression and anxiety and other emotional (and physical) disturbances. More specifically, the culprit is chronic inflammation of the brain and body.

Chronic Inflammation, a public health issue?

Inflammation itself is the body’s natural immune response to harmful stimuli, an automatic initial defense of the body, without which wounds would never heal.

  • When acute, inflammation is a healthy process that is designed to restore balance by containing harmful irritants that would otherwise spread and harm the body; at the same time, it moves restorative agents, such as white blood cells, to the region to allow healing of injury, infection, stress, etc., to take place.
  • In contrast, chronic inflammation is a prolonged condition that attacks healthy cells and tissues instead of protecting them; it can lead to a host of diseases, among others, diabetes, asthma, heart disease, arthritis, autoimmune and neurological problems.

Depression? Anxiety? Five Factors That Elevate Levels of Toxic-Stress in Body & Mind, 2 of 3

Friday, February 24th, 2012

If there is evidence that questions both the effectiveness of psychiatric drugs and whether they cause more harm than good, what are options to consider (with your doctor, as necessary)?

In Part 1, we looked at some of the significant findings and publications that sound alarm on the prevailing take-a-pill approach to mental health (and health in general), and certain forces responsible for fueling an epidemic of mental (and physical) illness in the last decades, curiously unique to the United States.

In the next post, Part 3, we consider five essential strategies that studies show reduce anxiety and depression naturally. Here, we first consider five factors that can elevate stress in the mind and body to toxic levels, and that must be addressed in treatment to successfully eliminate or lower the toxic levels of stress that can feed anxiety or depression.

The position of this therapist is that depression and anxiety are serious problems with affect regulation that are learned neural associations or chemical-reaction patterns, rather than genetic diseases.

How ‘Conscious Acceptance’ Empowers Your Beliefs, Choices and Actions, 2 of 2

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Believe it or not, you are in a perfect place in your life, exactly where you need to be.

If that doesn’t feel true, you may not be exercising your capacity for conscious acceptance as a springboard for making optimal choices, or may not understand how it can serve you as a bridge or anchor, to realizing the larger vision of where you aspire to be your life (whether you know what that is or not).

In Part 1, we looked at conscious acceptance, and how it can empower you to respond to disappointments and challenges in consciously positive ways. Considering the life-shaping power of responses, that’s big.

In this post, we look at three factors that shape how you respond – your beliefs, choices and actions – and how acceptance can play a vital role in cultivating these key abilities, so that they more fully support you to take the shortest, most expedient path to living a life of balance, healing and transformation, or what psychologist Abraham Maslow would call self-actualization.

How does conscious acceptance maximize your beliefs, choices and actions?

  • Like an anchor, acceptance grounds your sense of self in mind- and body-calming core beliefs.

Your responses are life-shaping energy, and this is largely because what you believe determines your overall approach to life and how you respond in certain situations.

Ego Versus Ego-Strength: The Characteristics of a Healthy Ego and Why It’s Essential to Your Happiness

Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

The idea of ego-strength has a long history in the field of psychology that can be traced back to the development of Sigmund Freud’s three-tiered view of personality in terms of id, ego, and super-ego.

Thanks to numerous contributions since, this and other Freudian concepts were significantly revamped by many of his followers, such as Alfred Adler, Carl Jung and Erich Fromm, known as NeoFreudians, all of whom positioned their own theories as complements to Freud’s. More specifically, each shifted away from Freud’s deterministic, and pessimistic, view of human nature and, in its place, added what was sorely missing: An empowering view of human personality and behavior as, by nature, primarily social in focus and self-determined by intrinsic motivation.

In particular, NeoFreudians rejected Freud’s emphasis on sexual urges as primary motivators of ego drives and behavior. A follower of NeoFreudians, Abraham Maslow, who later made significant contributions of his own to psychological (and organizational) theory of human motivation with his now famous Hierarchy of Needs, put it this way in his book, Toward a Psychology of Being: “It is as if Freud supplied us the sick half of psychology and we must now fill it out with the healthy half.” 

Three Steps for Writing S.M.A.R.T. Achievable Goals for the New Year

Saturday, December 31st, 2011

Do you want the New Year 2012 to be a fabulously successful kind of year for you? Then start off with writing achievable S.M.A.R.T. goals instead of New Year’s resolutions.

The start of a New Year is great time to gather fresh energy and go after what you want in life. It’s a perfect occasion to reflect on your values, your dreams, and how you want your life and your relationships to be.

A 3-step process is outlined below to help you write goals specifically designed to energize the optimal emotional states that create the focus and momentum you need to make them a reality. Read all 3 steps through before beginning.

STEP 1. Schedule a Mini-Retreat to Reflect on Life Aspirations

The first step is to schedule a time away from distractions, a 10 to 15 minute retreat, where you may relax and contemplate on your life, aspirations, what you want and need in your life and relationships.

Why a relaxed reflective, relaxing retreat?

A Key Aspect of Being Authentically You – Identifying Your Triggers

Saturday, December 31st, 2011

Awareness is key when it comes to living – and loving – authentically. A key aspect of awareness is getting to know, and understand your self and life around you, and one thing that involves is being aware of what triggers you.

To live in balance and harmony in your relationships, you need to know how to calm your mind and body, to feel safe enough to set judicious limits in your interactions with others, for example, to say or hear the words ‘yes’ or ‘no’ without getting triggered.

The first step in setting limits is identifying the specific situations that challenge or trigger you when it comes to either standing up for yourself with courage and, or doing so in a way that treats the other (thus also your self) with dignity.

The Ultimate Gift – Giving the Gift Being Authentically You

Saturday, December 24th, 2011

Being authentically you is perhaps one of the greatest gifts you can give, not only to those that mean the world to you, but also to the people in your life in general – and especially to yourself.

What does it mean to be courageously and authentically you, and why is this a precious gift?

Authenticity is the permission you give yourself to be real, to be who you are, aware of warts and graces. This permission frees you to give and to live in relation to your self and others, especially key others, from a place of love, and not fear.

It’s precious because how you relate – give and receive – directly impacts the balance of your life and relationships.

And, speaking of fears, our deepest fears are not about spiders, snakes or bridges, which are surface fears in comparison. Our deepest fears have to do with intimacy and our deepest yearnings for meaningful connection, contribution, and relationships; they are matters of the heart.

To choose to live authentically is to choose to love authentically, a conscious way of feeling safe enough to love – give – with your whole heart.

And that means safe enough to set judicious limits, say or accept ‘no’ and ‘yes’ as viable options. Loving authentically with your whole heart means taking essential steps to consciously:

Recent Comments
  • Athena Staik, Ph.D.: Thanks for commenting, weindolo. Sometimes the feeling that something is turning our minds...
  • weindolo: I can tell this is going to be difficult. It feels like the concepts turn my head inside out.
  • Philippe Packu: Thank you for this great article about how and why create a personal timeline. I notice in the text...
  • Athena Staik, Ph.D.: Thanks for commenting, so appreciate your stopping by.
  • Kikikomo: Wow. This makes perfect sense to me. It alm
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