Archives for Neuroscience - Page 2

Couples Communication

Couple Communications: 5 Prerequisites to Unlock Your Imagination, 4 of 5

A healthy, vibrant couple relationship takes two persons working as a team, and as individuals, to change what is only in the power of each to change, more specifically, to unlock their imagination by shifting away from limiting, subconscious perceptions (i.o.w., beliefs, thinking patterns) that act as key hindrances to realizing natural aspirations for a deeper sense of trust, and an increasingly more meaningful love-connection.

Continuing from Part 3, the fourth prerequisite shift turns your focus to the value of creating a healthy couple relationship itself.

4. See the value of nurturing a healthy couple relationship to your personal health and happiness.

This prerequisite shift invites partners to focus their attention on nurturing a healthy relationship. In practice this means both agree to be available and responsive to one another's emotional needs, and that means to treat one another with dignity and respect, protecting and fostering the sense of safety, value and well-being each feels in relation to one another.
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Addictive Relating

The Paradox of Genuine Love: Why Loving Your Self Equals Loving Your Partner (And Vice Versa)

seyed mostafa zamani via Compfight

The permission to fully love and embrace your self and life with wonder, a compassionate love and acceptance is no small matter. Paradoxically, you need your own love and acceptance to fully and genuinely love your partner (and vice versa..).

Why?

Several reasons. For one, it is impossible to be in a love relationship and not hurt each other. It is par for the course. You are two different persons. You each bring unique strengths, gifts, intelligences and energy to the relationship. Each also brings past wounds, hurts and painful experiences in addition to a "new" build up of unresolved hurts between you. Each yearns to feel valued for their strengths, and yet at some point each tends to get stuck focusing on partner's faults, weaknesses, lack of understanding, appreciation, etc.

Second, nature seems to love to bring together two persons in a couple relationship that have seemingly opposing approaches in several areas, especially when it comes to how they react to pain or stress. Pain is not the problem however. Pain is part of growth, learning, and stretching out of old comfort zones to realize new possibilities. The cliche "no pain, no gain" is more than a guideline; it is law of physics. The real problem has to do with how each partner reacts (defensively) when dealing with pain, i.e., extremes of either wallowing or detaching from pain.
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Addictive Relating

The Shadow Side of Falling In Love: The Power That Drives Addictions to Love, Sex and Romance

Whereas genuine love fosters a mutually empathic connection between two persons, one that nourishes the mental, physical and emotional growth and capacity for compassion and self-actualization of each, the neurochemistry of love relationships can morph into a dangerous mix of drugs more difficult to part with than alcohol, cocaine or heroine.

Notably, we use many of the same words to describe the personality shift observed in those (our self included) we experience to be "in love" and those with...
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Addictive Relating

Couple Communications: 5 Prerequisites to Unlock Imagination (And Get Out of Stuck Places), 3 of 5

When it comes to healing your couple communications and relationship, there are at least five prerequisite shifts in perception that are critical to help you unlock your imagination, and galvanize the energy you need to take action -- to break out of stuck places and let go of old comfort zones (thus making it more likely your partner will do the same).

Continuing from Part 2, the third prerequisite shift in perception allows you to take 100% responsibility for how you respond to life events, and thus who you become (and what you create) as a result of your responses.
3. See your self as fully equipped and capable captain of your life (thus own body's relaxation response).
This is a choice you make to see your self as capable of creating a fulfilling life -- i.e., making good decisions, learning from them, thoughtfully connecting to your wants and needs, handling emotions along the way (triggering ones in particular), etc.

You know that repeated actions form habits, or emotion-command neural pathways, that are automatically activated by the subconscious mind as "default" options. Old habitual responses must be unlearned, retrained or replaced by new optimal ones.
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Conscious Lifestyle

Wired to Heal and Create Love-Connections: Four Stages of Building New Competencies

Empathy is a listening and talking skill that is critical to healthy relating. It creates a love-connection, a buffer of sorts that serves to absorb some of the shock or impact of a painful experience (emotions…). Without empathy (for self and another), we are less likely to feel safe enough to prevent our body from unnecessarily activating its survival system.

We are social creatures, whether we think of ourselves in these terms or not, simply because our brain is a social organ. We naturally move in the direction of increasing our sense of mattering in relation to life in and around us, an emotional connection that frees us to engage and grow, to heal and learn how to restore inner sense of peace, balance.

In moments when we feel securely connected, we have access to our brain's reflective processing capacity (frontal cortex), and thus are free to consider optimal choices (self-regulate). When our frontal cortex is in learning or online mode, we feel safe enough to make eye contact, to touch or be touched, to love and be loved, to accept and feel accepted for who we are, all of which are emotions communicated by looking into the eyes of another.
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Conscious Lifestyle

Couple Communications: 5 Prerequisites to Unlock Your Imagination (And Get Out of Stuck Places), 2 of 5

Yes, resolving conflict is a worthy goal, and understanding "the problem" is also important. The biggest obstacles in couple communications, however, more often have to do with unlocking the heart and imagination of each partner to want to hear or listen to what the other says, to want to understand where each is coming from, and so on.

As discussed in Part 1, what you “see” subconsciously in your mind when you think of your partner and your relationship, or your "discussions" for that matter, may just be what you get.

There are are at least five prerequisites to unlocking your hearts -- and subconscious minds -- to break free of images and mindsets that keep each of you locked in reactive patterns, defensive showdowns, and the like.
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Addictive Relating

What You See Is What You Get: 5 Prerequisites to Re-Envision Your Couple Communications, 1 of 5

It cannot be said too often to couples: choose words (and nonverbals) carefully in sensitive discussions, more specifically, to opt for ones that energize optimal emotional states. This can mean letting go of triggering words or actions, and breaking old habits is not easy. What if the life and health of your relationship depended on it however?

The fact is, words produce images in your mind. Images produce emotions, and emotions shape behaviors. 
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Conscious Lifestyle

Handling Fears: Seven Steps to Break Through to Optimal Results, 2 of 2

The fear response can be a great teacher. In Part 1 we looked at three ways fear is your friend as an action activating signal. So, how do we handle fear to produce optimal results and meaningful change, when we get triggered? As an example, lets’ say the fear has to do with going after what you most want due to a fear of failure.

This article outlines a seven step approach.
1. Recognize and feel your emotions courageously, pausing to breathe deeply and notice your experience.
This first step allows you to turn within to recognize your emotions as natural responses, as key information you want to connect to -- rather than fear or dismiss. Taking deep long breaths and noticing your experience is a key way to be present, and it also helps to recognize your feelings with words that identify your emotions and describe what you feel upset about, such as,
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Addictive Relating

Handling Fears: Three Ways Fear Is Your Friend, 1 of 2

When we get triggered by an event, it’s tempting to follow the accompanying thoughts down a rabbit hole to the useless world of doubts and negative forecasts, and other “oh no’s and “what if’s.”

Doing so is usually counterproductive however and likely to intensify fear instead, perhaps to the point of activating defense strategies, and other stuck, harmful patterns. When thoughts intensify fears to levels that flood the mind and body with cortisol, fear can virtually shut down most normal processes of the body to include higher-thinking brain functions.

At best, this can leave us feeling powerless, perhaps losing our sense of hope.

There are more effective, and proven successful ways to handle fears, to learn and benefit from them, perhaps even support loved ones to do the same by modeling healthy responses. Before outlining some steps, there are several things to consider about fear:
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Addictive Relating

How to Argue to Strengthen Your Relationship: The Power of Giving the Love You Each Want, 3 of 3


Speaking of breaking free of the criticizing habit, a step discussed in Part 2, it's a lot easier to achieve when you also shift your focus to wanting to understand what you each want, then actively giving or supporting each other to realize your wants and yearnings etc. -- at minimum with the energy you bring. These two remaining steps strengthen your relationship, and are the subject of this post.
Step 4: Know What You Each Want — and Why
Step four consists of two parts: clearly understanding what you (really, really) want and why, and also what your partner wants and why.

Knowing what you want makes it more likely you will: (1) be heard and understood ; (2) say and express what you want in ways your partner can "listen" (not get triggered); (3) stay on topic focused on what is most relevant; and (4) eventually come to a mutually satisfying resolution.
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