Neuroscience Articles

The Relationship Building Power of Empathy: Seven Actions of Empathic Listeners, 3 of 3

Monday, March 31st, 2014

images-346Empathy empowers grace and harmony in our lives and relationships.

Without empathy, we’re not connected to the otherwise amazing inner resources available to help us restore or keep our connection to built-in capacities to think and feel, and, when necessary, to shift to optimal thoughts and feelings, imagine new possibilities, transform fears, make optimal choices, and ultimately grow wiser learning from our mistakes.

It is in empathic relationships that we learn to feel safe enough to compassionately connect with what is going on inside of us — rather than run away or react aggressively — when we feel triggered or stressed.

Part 1 outlined key intentions underlying empathy, and Part 2 listed three of seven actions that naturally flow from seeking to genuinely connect with another human being at deeper levels. Here are the remaining four:

4. Seek to understand (other) before being understood. 

This allows you to focus your attention on listening to understand the other’s heart with compassion (as you’d likely wish if you were them). In this place, you are present in mind and body, and are seeking what is in the highest interest of both, ultimately, to grow your compassion for your self and the other as human beings.


The Relationship Building Power of Empathy: Seven Conscious Actions of Empathic Listeners, 2 of 3

Friday, March 28th, 2014

images-345
Empathy is a key emotion in building healthy, vibrant, mutually enriching relationships.

In Part 1, we described empathy as a form of love, a gift of our presence to actively listen, to emotionally connect, and to provide a holding place that shares the intensity of another’s experience. We also said that, consciously or subconsciously, empathy stems from certain intentions. It doesn’t stop there, however.

Actions are an essential part of expressing, giving and receiving love. Action seals the deal; and this is the topic of this post.

Without action, the best of intentions have no meaning, in other words, as if they never occurred or existed. Relationships are living entities, and they require certain actions to remain alive. 


The Relationship Building Power of Empathy: Four Intentions of Empathic Listeners, 1 of 3

Monday, March 17th, 2014

images-344Empathic listeners are relationship builders. They have a cultivated ability for being present, empathically connected. How do you cultivate empathy however? It starts with set intentions, at least four of them.

For human beings, empathy may be one of the greatest gifts to give or to receive, and perhaps one of our deepest yearnings. It is a form of love, an aspect of love that is expressed through the act of listening to understand from the eyes and heart of another (or self). This is what makes empathy an essential ability to cultivate, and thoughtfully give.

When someone we love disappoints us in some way, this can automatically trigger painful emotions inside.

And when we are in pain, for example, feeling hurt, angry, or disappointed, often one of our greatest yearnings is for empathy, that is, an understanding love from another human being that affirms, in a moment of need, that we are valued. We want to know that our feelings and life matter. And thus a common human undertaking is to look for evidence that another loves us enough to want to understand us from our own perspective, to want us to have what we want (even when not possible), to want to see us happy and fulfilled, personally as well as in our relationship, and so on.


Three Lessons Learned From Studies of Success

Sunday, March 9th, 2014

images-309A lot has been learned about the brain and behavior in the last three decades. At the same time, we’ve gained understanding of success by studying successful people in various endeavors.

Here are three important lessons we’ve gained from studying success.

  • One, success does not create happiness, instead, it is the other way around: happiness creates success. That’s right. Success is an inner job.

It does not come from what is outside of you in the environment—a car, a house, a degree, a promotion, financial wealth—as desirable and wonderful as these can be. Instead, lasting and powerful success stems from what is going on inside of you. It is dependent upon your willingness to consciously produce certain thoughts inside your head, more specifically, thoughts that energy a positive physiology, an energized positive emotional state that makes you virtually unstoppable in creating the success you want.


Three Obstacles to Intimate Communication Between You and Your Partner

Thursday, February 13th, 2014

Loving KissCreative Commons License Pedro Ribeiro Simões via Compfight

Communication is the life tool with which we may create and strengthen our relationships, and relationships are all about emotional safety and meaningful connections.

Communication is a tool like no other. Whether verbal or nonverbal, it is to your emotional and mental health, and relationships, what food and water are to your body. You may be wondering, if talking is such a “loving” activity why do you experience so much pain in your communications with one of the most important persons in your life, your partner?


The Power of Forgiveness: Restoring Own Connection to Love & Healing

Friday, January 31st, 2014

images-769

Though not easy, letting go of past resentments, a process also known as forgiveness, really works! Letting go does not mean forgetting a wrongful action or excusing how hurtful it was, however;  it means letting go the human survival-instinct to hurt the back, to retaliate or to wish as much or more suffering on the other.

Ultimately, we forgive because of its impact accordingly on the state of our mind and body (autonomic nervous system). While revenge may be our mind-body’s instinct in survival mode (where fear is the governing emotion, and body shuts off any consultations with the heart or higher intellect), revenge is never aligned with our body’s highest directives (built-in wisdom) to do more than merely survive, rather to thrive, to fulfill core yearnings, or emotion-drives, to matter, to meaningfully connect.


Five Skills that Predict Success in Marriage Relationships

Sunday, January 26th, 2014

images-874Thanks to advances in research methodology and neuroscience, relationships are now a science. The science of love relationships has identified several specific behavior patterns of partners that succeed in creating healthy, mutually enriching couple relationships. Partners who think and act in certain ways nearly guarantee themselves love relationships in which they feel fulfilled, loved and appreciated.

First, the good news is both you and your partner are wired for love, your body’s health depends on it.

Second, you are wired to release a certain love hormone, Oxytocin, the chemical known as the “cuddle hormone,”  in response to certain behaviors.

Feeling loved and secure has everything to do with knowing how to create an Oxytocin response that makes you and your partner feel loved and secure.


How to Argue to Live Authentically (and Strengthen Your Relationship) 1 of 3

Monday, January 20th, 2014

6135_1072891877077_522792_nEver find yourself in the same reactive discussion with your partner again and again?

Okay, the details may be different, but overall do you get into a scripted dialogue in which you can guess what your partner is going to say or do in reaction to something you say?

(Most likely, by the way, your partner likely feels the same way too.)

The stuck feelings seem all too familiar to couples in a relationship. Like others, both of you likely wonder, at times, whether there’s a chance of ever getting the love, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, romance, etc., you want. You know, the feelings you had at the start of your relationship. It seems you’ve tried everything. Is it too much to ask to feel valued, important — and connected — in your relationship?


Reach for the Stars in New Year 2014 — 7 Ways to Amp Up the Love, Calm the Fear

Thursday, January 2nd, 2014

Illustration image Here we are into a new year, can you believe it — 2014 — Happy New Year!

What a wonderful time to refresh, renew, ponder and reflect again on … what brings meaning to your life, your deepest aspirations, yearnings and dreams, or new ways to approach old challenges, big or small, in your personal life or relationship.

It’s energizing to write down goals, hopefully achievable S.M.A.R.T. goals, to increase our chances for good outcomes.


Your Health, Your Brain & the Power of Gratitude — A Key to Happiness, 1 of 1

Friday, December 27th, 2013

001 GratitudeWhat makes gratitude so powerful?

Gratitude is an emotion we use to express appreciation and thankfulness and joy in response to receiving a gift. It’s much more, however.

A powerful agent, gratitude can propel us with unstoppable momentum to find ways to express, exclaim and proclaim it to the world, or another person, perhaps shouting from the rooftops!

Words may not suffice to express gratitude, but this cannot stop us from trying.


 
 

Subscribe to this Blog: Feed

Recent Comments
  • Athena Staik, Ph.D.: Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences Sunshine. It’s not easy to navigate the...
  • Sunshine: I enjoyed this article. I’m trying to understand the best way to let go certain things with my...
  • Athena Staik, Ph.D.: So glad to hear the article started you on a path freeing you from old thought patterns, Neisha!...
  • Neisha: Thanks so much for your article. I’m grateful for you including steps on “the work” which...
  • Amy Thompson: Hello Dr. Staik, This makes sense to me. I am currently learning about personality, and Freud, Alder,...
Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter

Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code



Users Online: 12240
Join Us Now!