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The Power of Subconscious Learning: Transform Your Thoughts, Transform Your Life

Wednesday, April 9th, 2014

images-823Findings show that thoughts are powerful activators of life transforming inner processes. They activate neurochemical signals that accordingly generate emotions and actions, learning and change, to include the formation of behavioral patterns or habits.

Subconscious learning in itself is a powerful and efficient built-in capacity. When what we learn is aligned by chance to our goals and highest interests for personal and relational health and well being, it can support us to grow in positive directions and to realize amazing and creative outcomes and passions. What if it doesn’t however? Limiting beliefs or toxic thinking patterns can harm our health, keep us stuck in life-draining addictive behavior patterns, and at best place limits on our happiness.

Even in the best of circumstances, we pick up limiting belief wiring in the formative years of childhood. At this time they were useful. They serve to protect us at a time in our lives when we are most vulnerable emotionally, and thus also physically. The same belief systems that defend and ensure our survival in childhood, however, later in life become obstacles to our growth and realization of our fullest potential to find meaning, and create a joy filled life.

Unless transformed or rewired to tell a different more empowering story of your life, these beliefs produce a toxic stream of thoughts that subconscious keep us stuck going in the same direction.

To your brain and body, to grow means to change. And to change in positive directions means to learn and grow from within. To truly influence “change” in others and life around you, your greatest source of power as a human being always lies in what you have most control of, and that always means you, for example, being aware of what thoughts, beliefs may be blocking you at any moment (from influencing change around you).

We are conditioned to think too highly of our ability (power) to change others (mostly illusion), and sit passively on what is the real miracle-making power to change self from within.

Several actions are necessary to transform thoughts and limiting beliefs, however, the most important has to …


The Relationship Building Power of Empathy: Seven Actions of Empathic Listeners, 3 of 3

Monday, March 31st, 2014

images-346Empathy empowers grace and harmony in our lives and relationships.

Without empathy, we’re not connected to the otherwise amazing inner resources available to help us restore or keep our connection to built-in capacities to think and feel, and, when necessary, to shift to optimal thoughts and feelings, imagine new possibilities, transform fears, make optimal choices, and ultimately grow wiser learning from our mistakes.

It is in empathic relationships that we learn to feel safe enough to compassionately connect with what is going on inside of us — rather than run away or react aggressively — when we feel triggered or stressed.

Part 1 outlined key intentions underlying empathy, and Part 2 listed three of seven actions that naturally flow from seeking to genuinely connect with another human being at deeper levels. Here are the remaining four:

4. Seek to understand (other) before being understood. 

This allows you to focus your attention on listening to understand the other’s heart with compassion (as you’d likely wish if you were them). In this place, you are present in mind and body, and are seeking what is in the highest interest of both, ultimately, to grow your compassion for your self and the other as human beings.


Three Lessons Learned From Studies of Success

Sunday, March 9th, 2014

images-309A lot has been learned about the brain and behavior in the last three decades. At the same time, we’ve gained understanding of success by studying successful people in various endeavors.

Here are three important lessons we’ve gained from studying success.

  • One, success does not create happiness, instead, it is the other way around: happiness creates success. That’s right. Success is an inner job.

It does not come from what is outside of you in the environment—a car, a house, a degree, a promotion, financial wealth—as desirable and wonderful as these can be. Instead, lasting and powerful success stems from what is going on inside of you. It is dependent upon your willingness to consciously produce certain thoughts inside your head, more specifically, thoughts that energy a positive physiology, an energized positive emotional state that makes you virtually unstoppable in creating the success you want.


7 Rules to Protect Your Children from Marital Conflict

Sunday, February 23rd, 2014

images-515Healthy parenting nurtures children. A parent’s nurturing presence provides the emotional connection that not only helps strengthen the parent-child relationship, but also teaches the child how to regulate his or her emotions. Since conflict between parents is inevitable, it’s important to note a few rules parents can use to protect their children from marital issues.

If you want your children to be confident, stand up for and respect themselves, they need to learn how to ask to be treated with dignity and respect, and to learn to respect themselves, and to do so in the context of the family they grow up in formative years of their lives. Respect here does not mean obedience, it means mutual and unconditional respect for self and other as human beings. In other words, if your children had the cognitive and affective development of an adult (and they won’t until they’re about 25 years of age), and they wrote you a letter, they would say something like the following:


The Power of Forgiveness: Restoring Own Connection to Love & Healing

Friday, January 31st, 2014

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Though not easy, letting go of past resentments, a process also known as forgiveness, really works! Letting go does not mean forgetting a wrongful action or excusing how hurtful it was, however;  it means letting go the human survival-instinct to hurt the back, to retaliate or to wish as much or more suffering on the other.

Ultimately, we forgive because of its impact accordingly on the state of our mind and body (autonomic nervous system). While revenge may be our mind-body’s instinct in survival mode (where fear is the governing emotion, and body shuts off any consultations with the heart or higher intellect), revenge is never aligned with our body’s highest directives (built-in wisdom) to do more than merely survive, rather to thrive, to fulfill core yearnings, or emotion-drives, to matter, to meaningfully connect.


How to Argue to Live Authentically (and Strengthen Your Relationship) 1 of 3

Monday, January 20th, 2014

6135_1072891877077_522792_nEver find yourself in the same reactive discussion with your partner again and again?

Okay, the details may be different, but overall do you get into a scripted dialogue in which you can guess what your partner is going to say or do in reaction to something you say?

(Most likely, by the way, your partner likely feels the same way too.)

The stuck feelings seem all too familiar to couples in a relationship. Like others, both of you likely wonder, at times, whether there’s a chance of ever getting the love, understanding, acceptance, appreciation, romance, etc., you want. You know, the feelings you had at the start of your relationship. It seems you’ve tried everything. Is it too much to ask to feel valued, important — and connected — in your relationship?


Reach for the Stars in New Year 2014 — 7 Ways to Amp Up the Love, Calm the Fear

Thursday, January 2nd, 2014

Illustration image Here we are into a new year, can you believe it — 2014 — Happy New Year!

What a wonderful time to refresh, renew, ponder and reflect again on … what brings meaning to your life, your deepest aspirations, yearnings and dreams, or new ways to approach old challenges, big or small, in your personal life or relationship.

It’s energizing to write down goals, hopefully achievable S.M.A.R.T. goals, to increase our chances for good outcomes.


Your Health, Your Brain & the Power of Gratitude — A Key to Happiness, 1 of 1

Friday, December 27th, 2013

001 GratitudeWhat makes gratitude so powerful?

Gratitude is an emotion we use to express appreciation and thankfulness and joy in response to receiving a gift. It’s much more, however.

A powerful agent, gratitude can propel us with unstoppable momentum to find ways to express, exclaim and proclaim it to the world, or another person, perhaps shouting from the rooftops!

Words may not suffice to express gratitude, but this cannot stop us from trying.


Healthy Holidays: A Conscious Relationship With Your Mind and Body

Sunday, December 22nd, 2013
When it comes to mealtime gathering traditions around the world, most every one toasts health! Your health is no small matter; all your other life goals depend on it.
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Are you in a consciously healthy relationship with your mind and body? In other words, are you listening, feeling and making conscious choices to enjoy the holidays but also make healthy choices when it comes to food and drinks?
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Here are a few tips for setting a conscious intention to realize your goals for sticking with a healthy lifestyle – even as you party and celebrate holiday gatherings.
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Set aside a few moments the day before an event to rehearse in your mind what you will and will not do. R

Securing a Love Relationship: Understanding the Core Issue In Couple Relationships, 2 of 3

Saturday, November 9th, 2013

images-871How is it we can feel so connected one moment under the influence of certain substances — to include love  — and wonder the next what were we thinking?

In Part 1, we considered three areas of the brain that work together to produce feel-good chemicals, and that, depending on the circumstances, can literally alter our emotional states of body and mind to the point of putting our ability to make choices (personal power) out of reach. The automatic release of this chemical mix can lead us to making poor and potentially dangerous decisions, and even worse, form an addictive habit or pattern.

To retain our choice making capacity, it helps to understand that a key underlying issue in relationships, based on decades of research on attachment and intimacy, is the connection.


 

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Recent Comments
  • Mark1: This sounds like NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). If this is the new way I would like to try it. I thought...
  • Athena Staik, Ph.D.: Thanks for the comment Jess in LA. Yes, I agree there are contradictions, and believe...
  • jess in la: So, forgiveness requires the other party to take responsibility and rectify the harm they created. How...
  • Vee: Thank you for a comprehensive and more contemporary description of ego and ego stength. It’s helped me...
  • Miranda Salley, HHP, HHC,AADP,: A culminating piece. Well done Dr. Staik! Brilliant contribution. Thank you!
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