Archives for Addictive Relating

Addictive Relating

Thanksgiving, Why Your Health and Happiness Depend On it

It’s that time of year again. The day of giving thanks is here, and with it, a reminder to reflect on the blessings in our lives.

How refreshing this holiday can be, pondering the beautiful truth it symbolizes!

Thanksgiving draws many like a magnet.

Let's “give thanks more often," you hear some say, while others chime in with, “why wait a year?"

Good question, why do most tend to wait for this time of year to...
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Addictive Relating

Beauty Lives .. It’s Our Nature to Choose Thoughts of Love and Healing

Today the hearts of many in our country, and around the world, are heavy in response to the election results.

There are feelings of grief and loss, anger and betrayal, among others, are only natural. These feelings after all reflect the extent and depth to which many on the left care about continued progress, in terms of granting every citizen -- and not just a select few -- the right and freedom to enjoy a living wage, clean air, water and food, and most of all to...
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Addictive Relating

7 Steps to Emotionally Heal After Leaving (or Living With) a Narcissist

Once you accept that you’re entangled in a love relationship with a narcissist, you have a key decision to make, either to: remain in the relationship for now, or leave. Or perhaps you've already left, yet keep getting entangled in the narcissist's hoovering tactics.

In either case, give yourself time to cultivate a new understanding of how different the narcissist's worldview is from yours, to identify and avoid the mind game traps they set, and in general, to practice new...
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Addictive Relating

Codependency, as an Out of Balance, Addictive Relating Pattern, 2 of 2

The overall tendencies for women and men in couple relationships toward some degree of codependency and narcissism respectively, may best be understood looking through the lens of socially approved gender roles. As mentioned in Part 1, narcissism is both a destabilizing mindset, and an addictive relating pattern. In the meantime, a codependent's overzealous attempts to please and appease the narcissist are also destabilizing and addictive.

Perhaps the key difference overall lies in what they each hope to accomplish...
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Addictive Relating

Narcissism, a Destabilizing Mindset, an Addictive Relating Pattern, 1 of 2

Overall, narcissism and codependency are a complimentary set of behavior norms for men and women, respectively based on romanticized (and eroticized) notions of male dominance and superiority versus female passivity and inferiority associated with a might-makes-right value system. Each gender is expected to stay within their respective roles, or face some level of shaming and disapproval, depending on the social milieu.

These roles however are highly addictive relating patterns that keep both partners...
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Addictive Relating

3 Secrets to Outsmarting a Narcissist (By Not Trying to)


Is it possible to outsmart a narcissist? Perhaps, but only if you're willing to downgrade your standards to act like one.

Admittedly, this post began with a trick question! The point was to say, first, why would you want to? And also, that taking that approach can be trap! This post explains why.

The narcissist has a wounded ego, and the suffering they cause is a projection of the inner suffering and wounds they avoid. Their greatest fear is to...
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Addictive Relating

7 Ways to Repel (Rather Than Attract) a Narcissist

It's not uncommon, once a person experiences a relationship with a narcissist, to vehemently want to avoid or prevent a repeat.

So what best guarantees a relationship will not turn into a dance of codependency and narcissism?

In part, success has to do with identifying certain red flags that help you understand what narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is, a few secret insights into a narcissist's worldview, and what codependency traits unwittingly supply energy to narcissism.

What best repels narcissism, however, has to do with certain practices that persons who are committed...
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Addictive Relating

The Root Causes of Codependency and Narcissism?


There's an elephant in the room of our conversations on codependency and narcissism, and pretending the elephant is not there has proven costly to our health and wellbeing as individuals, and thus also to the couple and family relationships, even the communities and societies we form.

The costs are high because, as human beings, our biological needs far extend mere physical needs to survive! Indeed, we are wired with core social yearnings, needs not wants, to matter in meaningful ways to life in and...
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Addictive Relating

Codependency and Narcissism: 10 Similar-Yet-Distinct Patterns

On the surface the dance of narcissism and codependency seems to be between two complete opposites; and, in many ways, they are. To see what's really happening in a couple relationship with these dynamics, however, it helps to look at 10 similar yet distinct patterns in their dance steps.

An awareness of these patterns gives us a glimpse of what is really going on to keep both addicted, and stuck repeating the same old dance...
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Addictive Relating

What Draws Partners to a Dance of Codependency and Narcissism?


The dance of codependency and narcissism begins when two opposite, distinctly off-balance behavior patterns, attract one another.

At first, it seems a perfect union.

When they pair up, initially, there is an illusion of a dance team that would put Fred and Ginger on the sidelines. Each feels they’ve found a suitable dance partner that most promises to help them realize the fulfillment they each seek from the relationship, that is: to feel worthy and alive.

While these innermost yearnings are realistic and healthy, their expectations...
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