We’ve been looking at, in Part 1 and Part 2, how shifts in focus change thoughts, how thoughts activate emotional states, and how emotions decide whether or how neurons fire and wire to produce structural changes in the brain.

Activated by your perceptions, emotions are powerful energies that direct the dynamic processes in the body.

Together, emotions and (interpretive) thoughts:

While not without controversy, experts in the field of addiction agree that a pattern of sexual behaviors or love fantasies exists between men and women that poses risks and harm to them, and takes increasing control of their lives and relationships.

Though it may sound surreal, there is a phenomenon known as “sex and love addiction.”

In the main, it is often misunderstood as adultery, cheating or affairs. It is that, yet much more.

Advances in neuroscience now enable researchers to ask more sophisticated questions about what optimizes our personal and relational health, happiness, well being – and life in general.

Thanks to advanced technological measurements, for example, instead of theoretical questions, we now can ask causal questions, such as what practices or lifestyle changes lower anxiety or depression, or heighten compassion or physical health today as compared to yesterday.

That’s exciting news.

One of those questions has to do with the effects of shifting the focus of our attention on the brain.

The last two decades have produced more research on the brain and brain technologies than all past years put together.

Much of this new information dramatically changes how we view the brain, revealing mental and emotional capacities that, once we discover how to use them, can be lifelong assets with which we may create positive change to our brains … and do so consciously … in the direction of our highest aspirations.

That’s good news.

In addition to your brain being responsive to change throughout life, it means you can also consciously alter its structure by the particular focus of your attention.

Let’s explore how this may be significant to you and your relationships.

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Recent research on the brain reminds us that all communications, regardless how they are delivered, are attempts to emotionally connect. As it turns out, we are wired for love and empathic connection.

What does it mean when you or your partner react defensively? For one, it means your brains are working the way they’re designed to work.

In Hold Me Tight, research expert on intimacy, Dr. Susan Johnson, states it makes sense scientifically that couples fight over silly things. Beneath the content of what partners say to one another in fights, each wants to be assured of their value in relation to the other.

Partners are asking three core questions that connect to both our deepest yearnings and our deepest fears as human beings: