Creating motivation when feeling depressed can be one of the most difficult things a person can do. An episode of depression can be physically and emotionally draining. The simplest of tasks seem to take maximum effort, and sometimes even beyond maximum. Some may feel lethargic. It may be tough make meals, or clean up at home, or take showers, or even get out of bed.
Navigating motivation when depressed can be tough because the instinct is to wait for the energy to return. People who are depressed often fall into the trap of trying to wait it out — that if you give in to the urge to stay in bed for a few days, that you’ll be re-energized and recharged, believing you’ll have exorcised the depression demons by just “going with it”.
Unfortunately, it’s not usually as simple as this. If everybody tried to wait out their depressive episodes, some people would be in bed for 20 years, realizing somewhere along the way that depression actually tends to breed depression if it’s not actively confronted. That’s right, catering to our depressive urges actually reinforces them.
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This is a great article. I’ve read a lot of what to do to get motivated. I like how specific this article is. I actually saved it to carry with me.
Good article. I’ll save it as well. I know that a little exercise can go a long way in making me feel better, but it’s so hard to start even if it’s just a little bit. I dearly wish that it wasn’t winter so I could go for walks, but my new indoor bike will have to do for now.
I very much need to start therapy, but I’ve been too afraid to ask my primary care doctor for insight into that. I trust her, but I don’t know how to bring up the subject and the thought of starting therapy scares me badly.
Sounds like you’ve already made the first step. Depending on your insurance you may not even have to talk to your primary doctor. Call your insurance company, they may refer you to a website of people in their network or they may have you call a totally separate number that handles Behavioral Health. Start there, call provider to make sure they’re still participating & call the Behavioral Health folks back for authorization to be recorded.If first counsellor isn’t right try another.
This article sounds like all the cliches about depression. Get up, get dressed, go out and do things, see people. I truly wish this would work for more people. Depression would be cured. (BTW there are also a lot of typos and grammar faux pas. Where’s the proofreader?)
I appreciate your honesty. For clarification, the main purpose of this article is about motivation and breaking a cycle of depression, not about “curing” depression. I tried to be clear on that, but I may not have done a good job there — the underlying causes of depression must still be explored and understood with further work (e.g. psychotherapy).
Thank you for reading and for your comment, even if the article didn’t resonate with you.
-Nathan
I agree! Wish it was that easy. If I try to force myself to do stuff, it just makes me feel worse. I end up dropping things, breaking things, hurting people and I just end up feeling worse about myself. I have to be really easy on myself and wait until I feel better before taking any action.
Sounds good, but you cannot force yourself out of depression. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a problem!
I found the article inaccurate and insulting
Know what you mean. Read this and thought “oh boy! this author has never had deep depression! when you are at the bottom, you cannot do a thing.Its like being in a mental quintaplegia, because the mind is paralysed as well as the body.
These steps may be useful before one gets to that stage or if one has managed to start surfacing but at the bottom..? No Way!!!
There are some people that have to find something wrong with everything. So maybe the errors are there purposely to make those poeple happy.
This article has been a timely reminder for me, so thanks for writing it – I have had increasing difficulty finding any motivation or volition, or hope in life. I know that if I stick to a routine & engage in my triathlon activities, say, then I can break the negative cycle (no pun intended…) and find some aspects of life more manageable: this usually then has a positive ripple-effect on other areas of my life. I agree too with the need for participation in something like psychotherapy to be alongside such interventions…
Yes, there were errors, but these were clearly typos and not at all grammatical faux pas…I didn’t find that they distracted my attention, at any rate!
I think the article will be helpful, but am not sure about maintaining it for long if I don’t feel some results in a reasonable amount of time.
I meant to wish you luck and I hope you post updates.
Has the author experienced depression?
Suggesting “Go spend time with family” is easily a trigger to climb under the covers in a ball when a messed up family history, abuse, or loss is part of the reason for the depression.
Thank you for your comment. It isn’t likely that all 12 steps will resonate with every person. If you find that a suggestion in this article already has its own negative history in your life, it wouldn’t be one for you to try. The hope is that you’ll find some suggestions, or even one, that have the potential to create motivation for you (this article isn’t meant to be a “cure” for depression).
Thank you for reading and for bringing your thoughts, even if you disagreed with content of the article.
-Nathan
I know the hopelessness of deep, deep depression. At that point, these suggestions may not be as helpful, but I promise you that if you manage to do one or two of them, you will feel better (at least for a little while.) Luckily, I’m on the uphill slope from the pit of depression, and I think the tips here are helpful for me to prevent recurrence. Thank you.
I’m sure the author is well-intentioned, but in general I find this kind of advice to be unhelpful. I don’t want to speak for everyone, but in my case depression causes me to feel insignificant. When I’ve tried to motivate myself with steps like these during depressive episodes, I invariably ask myself, “Why bother?” I feel like no one will miss me if I don’t get out of bed, no one (including myself) cares if I don’t make my bed, and if I don’t leave the house, no one will care whether I’ve showered.
I’ve been able to pull myself out of these episodes only with the help of someone else. If I feel like I’m disappointing or disgusting someone by dressing like a slob or living in squalor, I’ll do something about it. Ultimately, I end up correcting those things for my own sake, not someone else’s. But it’s very, very hard to get to that point on your own. Psychotherapy can help, but since your therapist isn’t there to pull you out of bed, it’s easy to slide back into depression.
It’s hard to ask people for help, I know. But at least for me, it turned out to be my best hope.
Okay, I will take some of these steps but I am a 17 year old female. I am still living with my parents and my 9 brothers and sisters. My parents do very little. They either sit in their room and watch TV of they sleep all day. Sometimes they leave for hours at a time. Leaving me with all of the kids at all times. I am homeschooled as well. I can’t join any extra curricular activities because nobody else can handle the kids. The ages of all of us are 17,16,10,9,3,2,1 and 1(Twins) and a month old little girl. That isn’t even all of us. My parents have a total of twelve kids. The other three were taken from us and placed with other family. We can’t leave this house. We are also constantly showered with insults. We are often called stupid, worthless, wh*re, etc. I am depressed because it is hard as a child myself to carry on this great responsibility. My brother, the 16 year old, has to take medication to keep him calm or he will go around threatening people. The kids even sleep in our rooms. I have the twins and my other sister and my brother has the other kids. We don’t get breaks. I wake up everyday to a crying baby and i don’t get much sleep. I wake up everyday wishing that i would die because i am tired of the constant crap. I can barely ever even do my homework. I am 17 and still in 9th grade. When i turn 18 i have planned on leaving but i cant live on my own and get a job and still go to high school. so that forces me to stay here until i finish high school. We don’t even go to church. we don’t go anywhere. We are lucky to even get to go outside to play. When i do talk to people about what happens here they tell me to stay strong. They tell me that i have a bunch of little eyes looking up to me and that is what keeps me going. That i guess is what is keeping me alive. But i have also thought that if i leave, who will take care of these kids? Being here has made me think twice about wanting kids. These kids are so undisciplined. My cousin told me that since i take care of them, that these are my babies. I don’t even have kids of my own and yet i feel like i do. This is my life. I wake up everyday to work and work and more work and on top of that i get insulted, criticized and yelled at. I feel alone. I am depressed and i used to be happy and cheery. I would make people who were depressed, laugh and i would listen to their stories and give my advice. Now, i am the one who is depressed and i dont have any friends anymore that i can talk to. So if you have any advice, do share.
Mrs. Lonely, it sounds like you’re in a really difficult place personally and a very challenging situation in general. It sounds like you’re very isolated and shouldered with a huge amount of responsibility that isn’t really yours to take on.
There is a spot on this site where you can ask a therapist for advice – that seems like it might be a good idea. Also, if you have access to a responsible adult outside of your family (a doctor?, a minister?, a former teacher if you ever attended school? a friend’s parent?). At the very least it sounds like you could use someone to talk to and, they may be able to help determine if you or your family need other assistance or intervention.
You are an incredibly brave, mature young woman. Your parents are at fault. THEY crated this. They had too many kids, and failed to raise them properly. Call social services. Tell them your parents are neglecting their kids. Ask for help. YOU need your own life. It isn’t YOUR job to raise your parents kids, it’s THEIR job. Social services will do a home study. They will make your parents take parenting classes. They can even remove some of your siblings to foster care to ease the burden. Do your parents work or are they on social security, medicaid, etc?? They have no excuse for being lazy slobs. I am a mother of 4. My hubby and I assume all the responsibilities for our kids. We had sex, had babies, now it’s our job to raise them. I expect the same from your folks. I wish I could talk to them, I’d tell them off!! Someone needs to set them straight.
Cathy has good advice, Do it now before your depression gets worse because you and the other children deserve protection and care and you will not be able to give them any care if you get more deeply depressed. You are a good kid, you make me very proud.
You touched my heart with your bravery. Please call social services. They will make an evaluation to help you and your family. I hope you will be able to go to high school and make friends. I will pray for you.
I was looking for info on introverts and instead saw this one. This is exactly what I needed to see and read. I am trying to get up, cook, get to the gym which I haven’t been able to do in ages. I am desperate for something that will help. I feel grateful to the writer and will start putting some of these in action. If I absolutely have to be somewhere then I am there, but when I don’t I don’t shower, get dressed and so on. Is there some type of blog that I could join and hopefully find support?
Thanks for your article.
Mellie, I could use a blog, too. Sometimes talking it out with others helps so much.
If you have a facebook account put depression into the search box then find some support groups on there. I found one called ,”Struggling With LIfe” and I enjoy going there and sharing my struggles as well as what works for me. I hope this helps.
Thanks!!
This is a great article!! I don’t feel punished and brow beaten by this advice. Thank you who ever wrote this, it is truly inspiring me. I have battled depression for 53 years, and I know what a lack of motivation is like. It has robbed me of so much, but I know what to do now.
I appreciate the suggestions in this article. In being as basic as they are, they acknowledge how difficult these things are when a depressive episode is in full swing. They remind me of the pep talk I give myself when in the thick of it: “Make some tea, put some lipstick on, and put on something pretty.” That way, even if I spend the rest of the day in front of Facebook, I look like a lady while doing it. Sometimes just knowing that I’m trying something makes me feel better.
I remember being offended at the idea that I should assume some responsibility for my own care. At that point, I would have felt belittled by this article. But after a half dozen psych hospitalizations for depression and suicide attempts, I realized that I was the only one responsible for my health. None of these suggestions are going to cure anyone. What they will do is help to manage the illness. And in depression as in diabetes, management and self-care make all the difference.
I have managed within the past 2 years to get to step 5. Reading steps 6 through 12 can just about cause me to have panic attack. As I read steps 6 – 12, I already felt defeated.
I can relate. I have had decades of just the same thing. If only there was some magic solution to feeling sad, empty and unmotivated.
opposite action works. i got myself into the parking lot at work one day and was just sitting there crying, i was about to drive home and give up, but i was asking myself if there was any reason at all to go to work. and i remembered this one guy who just got a divorce a couple days before, and he was showing up every day and working like normal. after working so hard, i didn’t want him to find out he has a weak coworker.
That’s fabulous! I’ve been there and know it’s so hard to stay at work or even go to work in the first place when you don’t want to be there.
This article is so timely. I am nearly 74 and have a long and complicated life story which continues to unfold. I thank the author whose name I’ve already forgotten. I’m printing out the suggestions. The reference to a DBT technique and DBT’s following on the coat tails of CBT was helpful. What I like the best is how the author included everything he could think of so we readers can choose what fits and leave the rest. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and this article will be close at hand as I move (literally and figuratively) out of my years’ long stuckness.
Hi, This was very helpful, but I think, written by somebody who has ‘book knowledge’ of Depression. I totally agree with the ‘going against what we feel’ as in Act your way into a feeling rather than waiting to feel your way into an action. The best example is that huge leap to get out of bed, to wash [which for me is like climbing a mountain] in the throes of Depression sleep is very bad so its not that easy to get out of bed when youre bleary eyed. Many people with severe depression dont have a family, or if they do, its a very dysfunctional one and they have had to cut off. Also, by nature of the symptoms of Depression [ongoing] alot of people with Depression are unemployed, have little money and hence very few friends. Again, its good but alot of the symptoms of Depression [for me acute anxiety] would prevent me from being able to go outside. Thanks Rosie
I am happy for the people who find this article’s advice helpful. I am equally relieved to read responses from others that seem like me: we’ve heard it, we do these things, but depression persists through YEARS.
I peruse this site often hoping that an article will dig deeper and offer me something that I haven’t heard of or practiced. … Still hoping something might come along. This disease is killing me. Slowly, slowly, slowly sucking the life from me despite my best efforts and intentions.
This was an inspirational article and a nice little reminder. It’s true that, when in the throes of a deep depression, these things don’t seem realistic, but when you’re not quite to the lowest point it IS really helpful to just start doing something. Sometimes it can prevent the depression from getting worse.
Thanks for the article.
I know that the things written in this article will definitely help with depression. However, I also understand how difficult it is to do them at some stages of depression. I am currently at the point where showering daily is difficult. I get very anxious and claustrophobic feeling about being in the tight, steamy shower area. I know I need to do these things but it is so overwhelming and draining that I end up in tears trying to do it. I have been battling depression with anxiety in varying degrees for my whole life. I think the secret may be in very small steps such as with the getting out of bed step, perhaps my first action would be to look at what time I usually get up and say if it was 11am then I would set a goal of getting up each day by 11 am. Then moving it to 10:30, 10:00, etc. while also making sure I was going to bed at an appropriate time. I could also start with just brushing my teeth and washing up if I couldn’t handle the shower.
I think we need to break it into the tiniest steps we can manage and keep working towards our goals that way. It may take a long time but if we do nothing we will get nowhere except maybe worse.
Best wishes to you all.
Your response was quite insightful. I had never thought about breaking it down like that. I struggle with making my self shower and dress. It seems like so much work! (I know it really isn’t.) If I break the steps down and work the steps, I’ll probably become more consistent. Thanks!
I think that works sometimes, but it can also backfire. I remember a day where I tried to break it up- after hours of being upset in my bed, I finally convinced myself to sit up in my bed, then eventually worked up enough courage to pull the covers off. Then I immediately threw them back over myself and curled up crying again. When i told my therapist about it later, she basically said that I by breaking it down like that, I was giving myself so many new steps where I could (and did) just give up. Instead she suggested setting my alarm to give me enough time to get ready (rather than with my usual extra 30 minutes or more to lay in bed) and work with that. So the alarm would go off, I’d have to get up right away and leave the room to grab breakfast/brush my teeth, whatever it took. Sort of ripping the bandaid off, so to speak. And that if I did stay in bed longer or delay getting up and ready, to work with that and keep moving along. That I WAS going to class or work no matter what, even if for just the last 5 minutes of class, so I’d might as well get ready sooner and not be so embarrassed walking in that late. Getting out of the house, however hard it seemed, just had to be part of the routine and non-negotiable. Sure, I could always go back home and curl up in bed again (sometimes I did), but I was much less likely to do so if I was already out and about. Or, when I did go back, at least I went to one class or had a couple hours at work. So, the small steps helped at one point in my journey,but I just wanted to offer an alternative way to get through things.
Yes, depression is so interesting. You can lie in bed, inert, paralyzed, but somehow a gear changes in one’s head and you’re up and doing things and you immediately know that being productive is armor against the depression monster. When I’m feeling depressed, the slightest action that goes “against the depression”, like washing a bunch of dirty dishes or organizing my work space and, little by little, through mindful awareness of my thoughts and feelings, I can have a new experience of life that isn’t “depression” It’s doing stuff even when you don’t feel like it and bam/ Your depression’s gone.
Good article
Dorothy Hayden LCSW
I think some readers are being a bit critical of the article; I think these are great suggestions. I have dysthymia and anxiety, and have dealt with severe depression and an eating disorder in the past, but to get out of the funk, it takes doing what’s hard especially when you don’t want to.
I rolled my eyes at the very first thing on the list: opposite action. Not because it’s dumb, but because it felt like I was reading something from my former therapist. I have had those days when I just wanted to stay in bed all day and had to fight with myself to even sit up and take the covers off (before crawling right back under the covers). I remember my therapist telling me that it IS hard, it is extremely hard, but it is my choice to make. Staying in bed solves nothing. In fact, it usually made things worse for me by missing class and work and then having to deal with the ramifications of that. I could feel like crap and lay in bed all day feeling sorry for myself (and sometimes I did/do) or I could feel like crap but go do things anyway. Even going downstairs and having an interaction with my roommate is better than being alone in my room yet again.
Yes, these suggestions are easier said than done, but to make changes, we’ve got to try. Yeah, the depression is still there, but it’s sure as h*** not gonna get better in your room. Even a brief respite out in the world is helpful; if nothing else, you’ve gone to work and earned some money or gone to class and heard some piece of information or saw a friend or even just took a shower- something. I totally get how hard it is, because I’ve been dealing with this depression and anxiety crap for years, but I’m not gonna give up. Plus it’s such a cycle, if I don’t get out of the house 5 days in a row, what’ll convince me to get out on the 6th day? Breaking the cycle is SO incredibly important, even if just a a little while.
So, I’m depressed right now, hate where I am after moving across the country, but I am working on all the classwork I want to keep putting off, even if just a little at a time. I didn’t come here to fail.
Summary: it’s freakin’ hard and we’ve got to do it anyway.
Well, it’s a good list, but I think it’s all pretty obvious. Okay, I’ve been there, I’ve been in a place where getting out of bed and into the shower and going through the day has been difficult. I guess I’m feel that I do the stuff on this list (and the stuff I don’t do I don’t need) but I still need ways to feel less down, and this list is too basic. Alas.
Hi, very interesting article. Thank you for writing it. I have a question tho. My depression is hitting a new low that I cannot seem to climb out of. I am under the care of a Dr. and have been for years. I have chronic, debilitating pain. With my health issues I did fine until a car wreck that caused damage and now that increased and changed the chronic pain I had before. I am stuck and sick of talking about it. What do you do when it is the levels of pain and lack of restorative sleep and notch up the depression and prevent you from scheduling the “just get up and do it attitude” that I know from the past does work. I know walk with a cane due to back and him damage. I feel so trapped and I feel like I babble alot and am an annoyance because of it. Thank you for listening.
Interesting read, –however– the title of the article could have been “12 steps to creating motivation when unemployed”.
Things like getting dressed, showering and brushing your teeth in the morning can become quite dreadful when you are only getting ready for a job you don’t feel any motivation for.
Also in this light, “The more you can remove yourself from the environment of depression the better chance of overcoming it” seems easy to say.
The article raises some interesting points though, but that only apply during the weekendm as far as I am concerned.
Thank you for the article and for all the comments. I tend to ‘wait it out’ I give in to the lethargy and just lie in bed waiting to feel better. Doing the opposite resonates with me. It takes a huge amount of energy to actually get going – I compare it to pushing a truck loaded with bricks, with all the tyres flat! However I know once I get that truck rolling it can go on under its own impetus, and knowing that I’ve done something, however small does make me feel a lot better. So I’ll get up and tackle the basket of laundry that’s waiting to be put away right now! Thanks again.
The article has sensible suggestions for keeping yourself going in the midst of mild depression. For severe depression, the landscape’s quite a bit rougher. I think with severe depression, you need to sort of treat it like recovering from a bad case of the flu. You work with your doctor, do what you can manage to accomplish in your present condition, and don’t beat yourself up for what you can’t yet do.
In very bad depression, I at least took lots of showers. The warm shower was sort of like a refuge form which I didn’t want to emerge (until I used up the hot water).
In mild depression, I coped with things differently and had some strategies to get things done. Maybe we need different approaches to cope with different degrees of depression.