Commitment

Making Room for it All – Part 1

“You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at he skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer, and understand, for all that is life.” --J. Krishnamurti Linda: People these days are going into marriage with huge expectations of finding fulfillment. That is a worthy goal, but so many are not yet aware of the technology of what is required to obtain and co-create fulfillment in marriage. It takes longer than the mind believes it should take, and it’s harder than the mind thinks it should be. One significant part of moving in the direction of personal fulfillment is to create a larger space for both the marriage and both partners to evolve. Making room for it all is not about lowering the standards to allow for sloppy communication or disrespectful behaviors. On the contrary, a spacious relationship is characterized by curiosity, wonder, exploration, investigation, negotiation, dialogue, debate, feedback and learning.
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General

Love Can Turn The Ordinary into The Extraordinary

Your relationship can be a spiritual sanctuary.

Linda: Jim Williams spent over four decades of his life in search of something that would fulfill his longing to contribute to humanity, share his numerous gifts with others and satisfy his quest for spiritual fulfillment. Always a gifted and diligent student, he easily got accepted into medical school and has been a practicing pediatrician for over forty years.  A devout Catholic, Jim became increasingly immersed in the church and was ordained a priest in 1986. Yet Jim’s pursuit of fulfillment failed to be fully achieved in either the world of medicine or of religion.  Although he continues to be a skilled and respected medical caregiver, he no longer sees his roles as a doctor or a priest as a means of personal or spiritual salvation.
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Commitment

Myth: My Jealousy Shows How Much I Love My Partner

Learning to love with a light touch. Linda: The word jealous comes from the Greek “jeal” a valued possession that is in danger. This idea suggests that the possession requires action to be taken to protect it. It is the wise and mature person who understands when jealousy is present. Such turbulent feelings are our cue to look inside to find the places we feel weak and inadequate in order to strengthen them.
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Commitment

Self-referential Is Being Internally Self Referenced

Unhooking from the need for approval. Linda: There is a tendency on the part of those in strong relationships, that while they are able to coordinate and collaborate with their partner, they can also trust their inner experience. They listen and take influence, but they know who they are, what they want, and are guided in their choices by that clarity. While they are respectful of conventional wisdom, and open to personal input provided by their partner, friends and colleagues, ultimately they tend to make their life choices on the basis of their own experience and judgments, rather than defer to the opinions of others. This trust in the validity of one’s instincts or intuitive knowledge is distinct from the notion of “shooting from the hip” or just “going with your gut feeling.” It is the closeness of the partnership that has promoted such self-trust, and that self-trust enhances the partnership.
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Commitment

Got Loyalty?

Linda: Dictionary.com defines loyalty as “faithfulness to commitments or obligations”. I much prefer to think of loyalty in terms of commitments that are freely chosen, rather than obligations that have associations that are heavy, and bring up fears about  being trapped. Because loyalty has so many positive benefits, it is a shame to be discouraged by the negative associations that can get in our way of moving into a higher level of well-being in our partnership. By realizing the huge benefits of cultivating loyalty as a signature strength, and seeing the many ways loyalty enhances our lives, our interest in and motivation to become adept in this area grows.
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Commitment

Balancing the Commitment to Self and Other

Christian Gonzalez on

Linda: There is an old Buddhist story about a man who wanted to drink crystal clear water. He was a rich man, who owned a lot of property. One day he gathered his workers together and set out for that part of his land where he thought it likely that there would be water. Arriving at the designated spot they began to dig. Sure enough, at ten...
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Commitment

The Myth of Being Unlovable Part 2

Linda: Examining all of our myths frees us to go on to become more loving people and to enjoy loving relationships, without doubt, anguish, and confusion that the false beliefs regularly promote. To bust the myth of being unlovable, these are steps toward radical self-acceptance. See if you can come up with additions to those listed below that will serve you on your journey to wholeness.
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Commitment

The Myth of Being Unlovable-Part 1

Linda: When we are feeling unloved, our mind makes up a story about how unlovable we are, filling in details about our supposed faults: not being attractive enough, not being intelligent enough, not being interesting enough, and not being professionally accomplished enough are all popular explanations in the “not enough” realm. And then there is the “too much” realm. I’m too much trouble, too much drama, too sensitive, too neurotic, too angry, too needy, too flawed,...
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General

Holding the Mast in the Dark Night Sea Storm

Linda: We can see intention as a light guiding our way through a dark passage. Or we can see intention as a machete blazing a trail through a thick jungle, opening up a path to traverse. But my favorite image is the mast of the ship in the dark night sea storm. There are no feelings that are more turbulent than those that occur while fighting with someone we love. When we fight, it can feel like we are adrift in a violent, dark night sea storm. When feelings are churning like the wild rolling waves, and we are in danger of being thrown overboard, we can run to hold fast to the mast (the tall, strong, sturdy pole in the center of the ship). It is the safest place to stand when the seas get rough. Sometimes the storm is so violent, that we may have to lash ourselves to the mast so that we are not lost at sea. If we stay close to our intention, we are saved and eventually the storm will pass.
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General

The Art of Friendship in Marriage

Photo courtesy of Diego Cervo

When our partner is our best friend


There is an African saying goes like this:
A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken;...
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