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How To Stop Arguing: Are You Arguing With Someone’s Feelings?

"You can either be right, or you can be happy." — Smart Person

Couples have come into my office (20+ years of them) because they’re arguing too much, and the arguments are getting them nowhere.

Arguing with someone's feelings ...

Most arguments are rooted in a self-sabotaging need people have to argue with other people's emotions. Here's the problem: Emotions aren’t always logical. Guess what? They don't have to be. They are part of what...
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8 Types Of Unequal Partnerships

In my post last week at PsychCentral, I mentioned thinking of emotions as warning signals. If you are feeling what might be considered "emotional" or "over-emotional" in a relationship, then it's time to take a look at that relationship and see how it's working.
In my book, Stop Giving It Away, I describe eight types of unequal partnerships. In these relationships are the the kinds of guys/partners Giveaway Girls fall for. The feelings...
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Are You Overemotional Or Are You Just Being Manipulated?



How many times have you expressed a strong thought, feeling or desire at work and had someone marginalize you with a condescending statement, look or gesture indicating that you were being “too emotional” or even “hysterical?"
Ever had a guy/partner tell you to "stop being so sensitive" with an accompanying eye roll that implies you are just a little bit crazy?
How about the good ole "stop being so paranoid" from a boyfriend who is acting...
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Where Do You Trend on The Summer Boundary Setting Scale? Tips For A Better Summer

Look what I spotted on one of my first summer walks ... a tiny deer.


Everything changes in the summer. Thank goodness. Here in Chicago, we get absolutely glorious weather which almost (not quite) makes up for the miserable cold. However, with great change comes some chaos. Make sure you use your boundaries this summer for more good times and less stress. Women who are stressed with boundaries...
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Shadow Deals At Work: Are You Setting Yourself Up?

I just did a post on Shadow Deals In Relationships and got a big response. People, probably a lot of women, recognized that they do this stuff and it messes with their mind.

We don't just make Shadow Deals in intimate partnerships, we sometimes make them at work or with our kids and friends. How do we make them at work? Read on ...

What are Shadow Deals?
Shadow Deals are the secret...
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Shadow Deals In Relationships: Watch Out For These!

Shadow deals are the secret expectation that if you give everything now, you will get something you want or need in return. These deals happen behind the scenes. Sometimes they’re unconscious and you don’t even know you are making them. When these deals fall through, it can be devastating. I talk alot about these shadow deals in my book that just came out. People seem to find this "shadow deal" term very useful! So read on...
Shadow deals are devastating when they fall through.
Tabitha worked two waitress jobs so her boyfriend could go to dental school. She cleaned the house they shared, paid all their bills, and never asked him to contribute. She was happy to do it—because she believed that if their roles were reversed, he would do the same for her. She never asked her boyfriend if that was the case, and he never said it was, but she felt secure in the knowledge that he was just as willing to sacrifice for her as she was for him. (Uh oh....Trouble ahead...)
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3 Mother’s Day Takeaways for Giveaway Moms

It’s so easy to be a Giveaway Mom in today’s world.
What is a Giveaway Mom?
A Giveaway Mom gives away too much of herself, repeatedly moving her own needs aside to put others first. I get it. It is hard not to do this. I mean, I wrote  a book on it and I still find it super challenging!
The reasons for this “giving it away” are complex. On the one hand, society sends conflicting messages about what it means to be a good mother. On the other hand, we all are influenced by earlier life experience and sometimes trauma. Then there’s our culture and religion too.
I am passionate about letting moms know that they don’t have to sacrifice so much to be a good mom. In my book, Stop Giving It Away, I help moms understand why and how we give it away and more importantly, how to reverse this energy appropriately in our lives.
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Relationship Sabotage: 5 Super Unhelpful Relationship Beliefs!



We women do a lot right in the world. However, sometimes we can buy into relationship beliefs that are self-sabotaging. Here are 5 big ones:

1. Words are as important as actions.

As women, we love to hear nice things. We love to talk. We value what is being said.

If you spot a behavior in your mate that annoys or disturbs you, pay attention to it rather than making excuses for it. People tell you...
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White Lies Women Tell In Bed

I recently did a post on White Lies Women Tell. It got a good response. Then, I realized there are a plethora of white lies women tell on all kinds of subjects, including sex.

In an article I read in Psychology Today, a researcher named Bella DePaulo, , a psychologist at the University of Virginia, stated that "Although the sexes lie with equal frequency, women are especially likely to stretch the truth...
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