General

White Lies Women Tell In Bed

I recently did a post on White Lies Women Tell. It got a good response. Then, I realized there are a plethora of white lies women tell on all kinds of subjects, including sex.

In an article I read in Psychology Today, a researcher named Bella DePaulo, , a psychologist at the University of Virginia, stated that "Although the sexes lie with equal frequency, women are especially likely to stretch the truth...
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General

6 Ways To Increase Intimacy & Connection In Your Relationships

I took this pic in Naples, Florida at the arboretum.

Would you like to feel more connected with your partner? If you aren't with a partner right now, you can use these ideas in any relationship (well, most of them). Your kids crave connection, your siblings might too (even if they don't know how to connect with you).

1. Tell them what they are good at or what you appreciate...
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General

White Lies Women Tell

Do you ever lie to be nice and get along? You don't tell it like it is because you don't want to hurt feelings, disappoint or cause conflict.

Giveaway Girls sometimes use little white lies to either cope with or cover for bad relationships, boundary crossings and other dissatisfactions. Are you guilty of any of these white lies?

Oh, no! It's fine.

Giveaway Girls don't want to deal with conflict, so they say something is okay when it is not. For example, your friend asks you to keep her kids at your house after school for several...
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Relationships

Enhance Your Relationship Intimacy Today By Doing This

What is intimacy? It is a feeling of being deeply connected, understood, approved of, and bonded with someone. Do you want that in your life? Most people do. This makes sense because it feels good.

I stumbled upon an article in the New York Times that referenced a study showing exactly how to do that. Interestingly, the study paired people up, then the study participants were  told to ask each other a list...
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General

How to Spot the Giveaway Girl in You

Through my work as a social worker and in recent years as a psychotherapist and counselor, I’ve learned that many of the anxieties and complexities within people’s lives relate to their making decisions based on a codependent way of thinking I call detrimental caretaking (DC for short).
Detrimental caretaking leads people to feel anxious, depressed and unhappy—both about themselves and about their relationships—and to experience job difficulties and an endless list...
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Power Pointers

Are You A Modern Day Cinderella?




Many women model their lives after one of the most famous (and most exhausted) female characters of all, Cinderella — not the glass slipper and ball gown Cinderella but the work-her-fingers-to-the-bone-exhausted Cinderella, who desperately needs a vacation and some beauty rest.

You think you are not working as hard as Cinderella?

When was the last time you took the day off because you felt a cold coming on? (I am not talking...
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Managing Stress

Do You Know An Eeyore? Why It Can Be Hard To Leave The Self Pity Behind

I ran into a girlfriend who was complaining about her Eeyore co-worker.

What's an Eeyore? You may remember from childhood that cute, bedraggled old donkey from Winnie the Pooh. Eeyore was always moaning and complaining. He was determined to not let even a tiny sliver of sunshine into his life. Here's a YouTube with some of Eeyore's best quotes. Do you know someone like this? Here are a few Eeyore quotes:

"If it is a good morning, which I doubt…"

"End of the road, nothing to...
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Relationships

Afraid of Divorce? 15 Reasons Not To Be

Are you afraid of getting divorced? I understand. Society places so much value on staying married. There is pressure there.

Some of that pressure is good, it keeps people from taking marriage too lightly. (Except for Kim Kardashian. )

However, there are those on the other end of the spectrum who need to get divorced but don't, because they are too scared. I understand that side too.

Divorce is stressful. Facing the unknown and facing fears head-on is tough. However, there are upsides to divorce.

As a relationship therapist with 20+ years experience, I have gone through this with many clients and friends. Here are some benefits and upsides to divorce that I have seen and learned:

1. Divorce pain is temporary. It will pass. Staying married in an unhealthy relationship will last longer than the temporary pain of a divorce. Sometimes it is good to pull the old bandage off so that you can heal and move on with your life.

2. Just because society tells you that something is "bad" doesn't mean it is. After all, caffeine was considered dangerous at one time. Now they are saying if you drink enough of it, you won't get cancer. Slaves used to be considered okay. The list of societally endorsed mistakes is long.

3. The same people judging you negatively for getting a divorce are probably part of the Miserable & Married crowd. There are plenty of those. Happy, contented and healthy people don't go around judging and condemning other people.
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General

Controlling Men. Why Are They Like That?


Are you involved with a controlling person or know what it’s like, dealing with a controlling person?
Do you want to know how to handle a controlling person?
Are you confused and wondering why are people so controlling?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, Patricia Evans has written a book that will help.

Controlling People is the first book to show what is really wrong with “controllers." These are the people who define their partner, make unilateral decisions, give orders, try to silence their partner, and who treat their partner more harshly and with more anger than anyone else. Patricia Evans presents a new paradigm that explains what is wrong with the abuser.

People are looking for help for how to handle controllers. 
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Managing Stress

Are You Struggling? Support Changes Everything

My friend, let's call her Tara, recently got diagnosed with cancer. Her friends hooked her up with the MealTrain. While she heals, Tara can have warm, healthy and nutritious meals delivered to her door. Tara told me she was surprised at how good it felt to get this support, love and care, without even asking.

I used to be an anti-support person. Somehow, I felt like I wanted to handle everything myself. It seemed easier. Ask for help from others? Why? They might say "no." Support wasn't something we talked about at my house anyway. I knew it was healthy for other people to get support. But me? Nah.

Where does that come from? This discomfort about asking others for support?
I know from working with clients and seeing my friends' relationships that seeking support and accepting it is hard for many people. Why is that? I think it is a conglomeration of factors. First, our culture is one of self-sufficiency. The whole idea of capitalism is based on a model of survival of the fittest, top dog wins.
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