Archives for Marriage Tips

Communication

Are You Tending Your Garden of Love?

"Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing."  -Jim Rohn

The wish for a deep sense of human connection and commitment is universal. Ask people what is most important to them and their first answer is always the same--their family. Our families give us a sense of identity and belonging, reminding us of who we are and what is...
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Communication

Do You Want to Avoid the Next Fight?

Most people are now aware that high levels of conflict--loud, angry or bitter fighting--can be tremendously destructive not only to marriages and intimate relationships but can cause lasting harm to the children caught in the crossfire.

As painful as divorce can be for kids, what we know now is that excessive fighting is what troubles kids--whether the family remains intact or not. On the flip side, disagreements and differences go hand in hand with any relationship...
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Boundaries

Breaking Free from Your Victim Story

“You can either be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasure. It all depends on how you view your life.” -Paulo Coelho

How often do you say things out loud or to yourself like: "He makes me feel stupid" or "I'm depressed because she is always criticizing me" or "I would be happy if my partner would only treat me better? He/she won't let me do that, think that,...
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Communication

6 Tips for Breaking the Blame Barrier

Hardly a day ever goes by when I don't hear someone blaming someone for something. It is one of the most common--and one of the most frustrating patterns that confront couples and families. Blame can destroy a good marriage, wreak havoc on our friendships, and put innocent kids in the middle of their parents' arguments.

Not only are families besieged by this destructive pattern, the whole culture is mired in it. We blame the...
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Change

Confronting Your Ghosts of the Past: How to Assess Your Relationship

"In every conceivable manner, the family is the link to our past, the bridge to our future." -Alex Haley
If you were one of the lucky people, raised in a happy loving family, you've most likely emerged with many of the skills and strengths necessary to form lasting healthy you are probably NOT reading this blog right now.
Unfortunately, far too many people were raised by parents filled...
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Anxiety

Unhappy Relationships and Depression Go Hand in Hand

"What is the opposite of two? A lonely me. A lonely you." -Richard Wilbur

"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages." -Friedrich Nietzsche

The TV ads would have all of us believe that the best cure for depression is the latest and greatest medication. First it was Prozac and now it's Pristiq and Abilify. Although medication is a life saver for many, for others the side effects are...
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Change

Guidelines for Choosing the Right Therapist–Does the Shoe Fit?

I will never forget a lecture that I heard in 1973 (which says a lot since there is so much that I don't remember). The speaker was the late David Rosenhan, Professor Emeritus, in his popular undergraduate class in Abnormal Psychology at Stanford. Each year, at the end of the term, he gave a lecture about choosing the right therapist. His advice was wise and as relevant today as it was forty years...
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Communication

7 Warning Signs Of a Troubled Marriage

I've been counseling couples and families for over three decades and one thing stands out. Most people wait too long before they reach out for too long. Problems that might have been solved in five to ten sessions become crises that break up perfectly good relationships.

Since only a precious few learned the necessary skills to weather the ups and downs of a long-term relationship, it is easy to slip into negative patterns of relating--either...
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Empathy

NEWSFLASH! Free Technique for Healing Pain Described

What if you turned on the news to the following new technique--with no known side effects--is found to improve the mood of of users!!! Would you be curious or do you already know what it is?

Touted throughout history, described by Aristotle, Freud, and modern day psychotherapists of many theoretical backgrounds--the answer is allowing yourself a good cry. Weeping helps almost everyone, young and old, male and female.
Not All Tears Are the Same
Our eyes...
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Change

Change Your Attitude & Life Will Follow

"They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom."  -Confucius

Each January, as the kids go back to school after winter break, after we have watched the ball drop in Times Square and rung in the new year, most of us can't help but think about the ways we want the next year to be different--and better--than the last. What about you? Are there any bad habits you want...
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