What do YOU do when you are trying to get your way? You may be lobbying to go to a certain restaurant that your husband hates. You may be wanting to spend money on something your wife thinks is unnecessary. You may be trying to get your kids to change into clean clothes before your company arrives.
Most of us use different approaches depending on who we are dealing with (friend or telemarketer), what we learned from our role models, and what we imagine might be effective.Think about how you might go about trying to get your way when the person you are trying to convince is resistant–and also happens to be your mate.
Less than two per cent of married couples proudly report never having had a disagreement. The rest of us mere mortals don’t know how that is even possible. Since conflict is an inevitable part of our romantic relationships, it is clearly something important to be smart about. What are the most effective ways to have influence over someone else? (Even though all the self-help books tell us that the only person we can change is ourselves, not surprisingly we are constantly trying to change our partner in little to big ways).
Here are the most commonly observed approaches. Most of us have probably tried our hand at all of them. Although I describe them as “strategies,” I don’t mean to imply that the person using each tactic has always made a conscious and deliberate choice to try to get their partner to change via this method. Often we simply fall into the habit of communicating in certain ways–even when they don’t serve us or our relationship.
#1: Compliance-based or the “If you do what I want, I will make your life so much better” strategy
This is an approach where one person tries to get the other to do what is desired by offering positive rewards or incentives to get the other to comply. It can be effective, …