“If you don’t like Celexa, you don’t have to continue taking it,” my doctor said. Yeah, I thought. I’ve heard that story before.

“I think you’d feel much better if you tried some medication other than Xanax,” he said. His concern was genuine. “Instead of treating your panic as it happens, we should try to prevent it.”

I wanted to re-frame a breakdown into a breakthrough.

I can’t panic now, I thought. I want to pay this parking ticket. I have a hair cut appointment in a half hour. Then, I need to grade some more papers. I’ve got shit to do. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic.

(Note: this post is part of a series about navigating my way through the 10 Rules for Coping with Panic, which is a nifty little list I keep in my wallet. To read the introduction to this series, check out this post: Coping with Panic: Why I Can’t, and Why I Can.)

THE NINTH RULE

Plan what to do next. When you begin to feel better, look around you and start to plan what to do next.

This time, I’m not going to describe why this step might be difficult or easy. I think those things are obvious.

But here’s what I will say: scale.

Yup. Scale. Think about this rule in varying scales.

You panic on a Monday afternoon. You get through Rules #1-8. You approach Rule #9 and you plan what to do next: you calculate your moves. You determine how and when to stand up. You decide that soon, you’ll get back into your car.

You decide — but don’t yet act — to walk back into the mall or grocery store. Using the brain that so misled you earlier on Monday during the midst of the attack, you plan to return to the scene of the panic attack.

That works, right? It does. It works on a small scale. It works when we view panic as an acute instance that rises and resolves itself within the hour.

ZOOMING OUT

But let’s say you’re making some major progress in your recovery from panic disorder. Your life was hell a few months ago, but now, you’re managing through many aspects of daily life with greater ease. Rule #9, then, tells us that it’s time to reflect. You’ve begun to feel better, yes, but in a larger way this time.

Plan what to do next — not in the next hour, but in the next month. In the next year. Are you where you want to …

At night, the nature sounds were glorious: crickets, whipporwills, and the occasional owl. These sounds lulled me to sleep. Well, most of the time.

(Note: this post is part of a series about navigating my way through the 10 Rules for Coping with Panic, which is a nifty little list I keep in my wallet. To read the introduction to this series, check out this post: Coping with Panic: Why I Can’t, and Why I Can.)

It’s been a long time — maybe about a month or so — since I wrote about these rules.

And why?

Truth is, I’ve been doing pretty well. I’ve had a few panic attacks here and there, but nothing I couldn’t get through with a little breather and maybe a phone call to my supportive husband.

And when I’m doing well, I fill my days with thoughts of cooking, walking, reading and writing — not with thoughts of anxiety.

To a degree, that’s a good thing. When I’m feeling well, it feels so darn good to focus on that wellness and completely forget the fact that, a year ago this week, I went on LOA from the full-time job that was a breeding ground for anxiety and panic.

It might feel safer to avoid a trip to the mall. It might even save you from a panic attack. But, in the long run, the places, people, and situations that we avoid become more threatening to us.

I can certainly tell you that panic comes in waves — and when the tide is low, I swim.

“Offer valid online only. Offer not valid in stores,” the voucher said. “Perfect,” replied my agoraphobic side. I wouldn’t have to leave the house.