There are so many variables in any given day that can effect my physiological arousal — not just caffeine, but sleep, weather, exercise, and so on — that it’s pretty difficult to detect when coffee alone is the culprit.

Karl, the coffee shop owner, said that I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between half-decaf and fully-caffeinated Americano. The difference, he said, was so slight. GAME ON, KARL.

Six cups of Americano. Six different days. Six different opportunities for me to blindly guess the caffeine content of each drink.

I can’t panic now, I thought. I want to pay this parking ticket. I have a hair cut appointment in a half hour. Then, I need to grade some more papers. I’ve got shit to do. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic.

I want to create a truce with caffeine. I want to recognize that my body’s reactions to this drug are completely normal. I want to train myself to be comfortable with caffeine again.

Caffeine is an unavoidable drug, and I don’t want to fear it. I don’t want the buzzy sensation I feel when I take the migraine meds to create a fertile breeding ground for panic.

If you had a rough work week, perhaps you’re exhausted. And I’d love to know something about your exhaustion: do you treat it with sleep or with caffeine?

I have this wonderful soon-to-be-husband with whom I’d like to sync sleep cycles with. Last night, he went to bed at 9 pm so he could wake up at 6 am for work. Five hours later, after organizing my counter, putting away dishes, and listening to a few podcasts, I finally settled down to sleep at about 2 am.

How many milligrams of caffeine do you consume on a daily basis? What about on the days when you enjoy that extra latte or pop two Excedrin for a headache? Think it’s doing anything to compound your anxiety?

When practical, I prefer listening to my body (by napping) over fighting against my body (by stuffing it with caffeine until I feel energized again).