Gay Rights

Do Lesbian Parents Really Want Heteronormative Rights?


Do you remember wishing you had all the rights and privileges of a married heterosexual couple? I do. It was before that day in an attorney's office when I looked at a calendar that my soon-to-be-ex's lawyer had just handed me, listing in detail my business travel for the previous year. I knew immediately what it meant. Her carefully kept calendar was the bellwether of my demotion from equal mother to absent partner, very much the equivalent of when the father in a heterosexual couple learns in a divorce that he's somehow instantly become the secondary parent.

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Adoption

Adoption and Lesbian Parenting: Who is the Primary Mother?

Due to the perilous configuration of being the non-biological mother of a son with my ex-partner, and a daughter with my wife (thank you Canada!), my kids have multiple parents and “spare” mothers. The "primary" mother – as seen by society – is an important designation. Believe me, whether inadvertently as we sort out our roles or as a purposeful weapon, the role of primary mother is a powerful tool.  But why does there have to be a primary mother? To answer this for myself required taking an honest look at my own experience of two mothers: one adoptive, one biological.  What makes a mother "primary"? What makes a mother real?

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General

Back to School With 3 Lesbian Moms and 2 Kids



Picture this: my partner and I have a daughter. That's two moms. I also have a son with an ex-partner. That's three moms. I happen to also have two mothers. And so, technically, that makes this a story of a mother with two mothers who is raising children with another mother and an ex-partner mother. That's a heck of a lot of mothers!

Combine these admittedly confusing family dynamics with the start of the school year and you've got a situation that's complicated at best and excruciatingly painful at worst. That's because teachers, parents and other baffled onlookers are trying to sort out who are these kids' moms, and who are these other mothers.

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