If it weren’t for twisted logic, life might be too boring for many of us.
Most people I know, myself included, have a knack for twisting the truth. And some of the time that little twist is a perfect happiness block.
What follows are 27 examples of how you can prevent the happiness that might have been yours. All it takes is a tiny, twisted whisper in your mind.
1. When I am happy, bad news is coming, because happiness can’t last.
2. When I am happy, I am setting myself up for disappointment.
3. When I am happy, people expect more of me.
4. When I am happy, I have no excuse to be lazy.
5. When I am happy, I am letting my negligent parents off the hook.
6. When I am happy, it will draw too much attention to me.
7. When I am happy, I’ll have to be nice to people I don’t like.
8. When I am happy, I am deluding myself.
Do you want to eliminate all obstacles in the way of your goals?
You can. I’m going to show you how, right here and now. In fact, you’re going to punch failure right in the face and knock it out.
Self-sabotage: the truly nasty tendency to do the very thing that hurts you.
Throw out convention.
It’s time for some counter-intuitive tips to increase your self-esteem.
These self-esteem tips work. And they will work for you if you practice them with an open mind.
One of the hallmarks of healthy self-esteem is self-respect. Self-respect involves accepting and honoring every part of you. Let’s stop pretending that our darker natures don’t exist and begin to respect ourselves on every level.
The following tips will move you squarely in that direction.
To increase happiness, you may need to think outside the box. What follows are four ways we commonly deprive ourselves of happiness. They usually occur on autopilot, without conscious choice.
Once we understand them, we can take actions to remedy the negative effects.
Here they are:
Squashing positive emotions that naturally surface throughout the day is shockingly common. In fact, research reveals that suppressing positive emotions is a common yet little-known cause of depression.
This is actually good news. It means that you do have spontaneous positive emotions that surface regularly. If you learn to avoid chasing them away, then these uplifting emotions might stick around longer.
Pay attention to when you feel positive emotions wanting to rise. Then allow yourself to feel them!
The late Nathaniel Branden called it happiness anxiety. It happens when you become nervous after a period of feeling happy. Many people subconsciously believe that happiness can never last. Something will always come along to ruin it.
So, they preempt the bad news by ditching happiness before they are inevitably hurt or disappointed. It’s sort of like breaking up with someone because you’re afraid they’re going to break up with you.
When you’re feeling happy, reassure yourself that if bad news comes, you can deal with it. Until then, allow yourself to enjoy it!
Some of us stay too distracted and busy to enjoy much of anything. Happiness seems to be related to slowing down.
Making too many commitments, endless to-do lists, lack of personal boundaries (can’t say no), obsession with your electronic device – all of these distractions may be direct obstacles to your inner state of happiness.
There’s no better way to destroy happiness than to criticize yourself. And the relentlessness of it for some of us is astounding. Self-criticism prevents happiness. And it obliterates any happiness that might slip through the cracks.
Self-criticism may …
Research has shown that, chances are very high that you already know enough about how to eat well and lose weight. That isn’t the problem at all!
Our good friend Dr. Jeremy Dean from the superb PsyBlog points out that according to research, the greater challenge is self-awareness. Those who learn to pay attention to their emotions are much more likely to make healthy choices and lose weight.
In fact, paying attention to your emotions may be the most powerful weight loss strategy of all.
The study’s authors concluded:
“With a better understanding of how they feel and how to use emotions to make better decisions, people will not only eat better, they will also likely be happier and healthier because they relate better to others and are more concerned with their overall well-being.”
People with emotional training choose better foods consistently. And that is the key to losing weight. And here are some additional, equally compelling facts…
1. Most people with weight issues tend to eat mindlessly. In other words, their underlying emotions determine what goes in their mouths, not their conscious minds. When you increase emotional awareness, you also increase your level of conscious choice.
2. Most people assume that “comfort foods” reduce stress, while this is a scientifically proven fallacy.
3. Most people, after receiving some basic emotional training, are surprised at how easy it is to make better food choices.
4. Most people discover that the negative emotions they experience after overeating are actually psychological attachments that they have been subconsciously seeking (yes, you read that right – we seek familiar negativity all too often).
5. Many people – based on experience in the AHA Weight Loss Coaching Group, have discovered that losing weight is the emotional equivalent of betraying someone close to them.
For example, if you come from a family that tends to be overweight, then there is often a deeply unconscious expectation to be heavy. If you lose weight, you feel …
When you tip the scale on January 2nd, 2015, what number do you want to see? Your current weight plus 10-15 pounds?
I didn’t think so.
The problem is, so many of us succumb to the desire for immediate, temporary tastebud gratification (even though most holiday treats don’t really taste that great if you really think about it).
How do you get past the sudden desire to indulge in junk?
If you believe that negative emotions are the only ones people avoid, consider the following.
A psychological study recently confirmed that depression is not caused by the simple presence of a negative state of mind. There is another huge, overlooked factor.
That factor is the avoidance of positive emotions that you already have.
In other words, each of us experiences natural positive emotions that want to surface every single day. Then, something mind-boggling happens.
When the positive emotions start to rise, they get repressed!
Yes, I lost my extreme desire for junk food and for overeating as well.
This wasn’t an act of will. And it wasn’t luck, either.
Losing my cravings for bad food – and for too much food – was the result of something else entirely. And that is what I’d like to explain to you in this article.
Before I get started, let me be clear about a few of things:
1. I am not about to present a magic formula that promises to end your food cravings. I did not go through a step-by-step process.
2. I don’t promise that you can do what I did, or that it would “work” for you, even if you attempted my methodology and succeeded.
3. There is no scientific evidence that I know of that supports my claims. In fact, what I did is not even possible to study scientifically.
4. I am not suggesting that my food cravings will never return. They haven’t, in fact, and it has been quite some time. Yet there are no guarantees, are there?
5. Finally, there is a good chance that by the end of this article you will think that I am crazy. I accept.
How’s that for reassurance?
In short, you’re on your own. You and only you can decide if what I am about to relate makes any sense – and whether or not to believe me.
Over a course of years, I have developed a deep awareness of my feelings. I am 47 years old at this point. At age 24, through the course of my NLP training, I learned that I was almost totally out of touch with my own feelings. I couldn’t tell you what I was feeling. I couldn’t admit when I was afraid, frustrated or angry – or happy, joyful or enthusiastic, either.
I was Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected. No feelings required!
Of course “Mr. Cool” was a facade and I ultimately felt like a fake, especially given my chosen career.
When this hit me, I vowed to get in touch. It took some time. More than 20 years later, I …
We don’t mean to.
In fact, in a string of self-doubtful years, my entire goal in life was to gain greater self-confidence. It turned out that many of my behaviors (that I thought might help) were chronically backfiring on me.
Your greatest tool is awareness of how self-doubt can work. Here are 5 behavior that nearly guarantee that self-doubt will rule your mind.
Marriage, buying a house, making a career change….these are big decisions that help determine your quality of life. It’s amazing how quickly some of us make them.
Getting married after you’ve known someone for a few short weeks.
Buying a house after shopping around for a day.
Starting a business without taking the time to really assess the market and your own financials.
More than 150 people and counting have taken at least one of our new email coaching programs. Hope and I have learned a lot about the self-sabotaging habits that people tend to struggle with.
First, a self-sabotaging habit is a recurring behavior that takes us in the opposite direction of fulfillment and happiness. Knowing this, you’d think all of us would simply stop.
Yet, experience with clients and in our own lives tells us that it’s not that simple in practice.
Yes, by all means, STOP your self-sabotage. Just quit it.
And when you can’t seem to get yourself to simply do that, seek education and guidance. You’ll need it. When you just cannot keep yourself from doing things that cause you harm, then you need more information and guidance.