A lot of us parents think we need to project an image of perfection to our kids. No, we aren’t struggling. No, we don’t argue with our spouse. And, of course, we aren’t filled with anxiety!
Everything is fine.
We want to protect our kids. We don’t want to burden them with our adult issues. They should be allowed to just be kids, right?
Right. The problem is, we end up lying to them.
“Mommy? Are you ok?”
“Yes, Mommy is fine. You can go play.”
“But you look so sad, Mommy. Are you sad?”
“No, I’m really just fine. I’m not sad. Now run and play…”
I’ve done the same thing.
“Dad, are you and mom having an argument?”
Oh the lies we tell our kids!
Researchers from the University of California, Berkeley have found that people who suffer from chronic stress may experience long-term changes in their brain that makes them more prone to mood disorders and anxiety.
Associate professor of integrative biology Daniela Kaufer and a team of researchers have studied the hippocampus, which is the area of the brain that governs emotion and memory. They found that chronic stress causes the brain to generate fewer neurons and more myelin-producing cells than normal.
This results in more white matter in certain areas of the brain, disrupting the balance and timing of communication within the brain.
When it happens, you often end up doing the exact opposite of what would make you happy and successful.
If you were to look under the surface, you’d discover that most failed goals, relationships, businesses and dreams have deeply subconscious roots in self-sabotage.
If you’re feeling depressed or going through a difficult time emotionally, it can be tough to know the best way to work through it. Researchers from the University of Michigan and the University of California, Berkley have found that distance may be the answer.
According to a series of studies conducted by psychologists Ethan Kross and Ozlem Ayduk, analyzing depressed feelings from a psychologically distanced perspective provides a number of benefits.
A new study published by JAMA Psychiatry suggests that participating in regular spiritual and religious practice may help protect against depression. Researchers believe this may be due to a thickening of the brain cortex that occurs with regular meditation or other religious and spiritual practices.
More research is necessary; however preliminary results of MRIs performed on 103 adults at varying risk for depression have shown a correlation between a thickening of the brain cortex and the personal importance of religious and spiritual practices.
Imagine that you are driving down a country road. Suddenly, the road comes to a “T” – a three-way intersection that requires you to turn left or right.
You look up and notice the most puzzling road sign.
The sign says:
You cannot turn left or you will be in grave danger.
You must not turn right or risk serious injury.
You cannot stay where you are!
You MUST not go back!
Do something quick!
Confused, stuck, paralyzed, fearful, frustrated…
You feel this way because it is extremely important that you get out of this situation, yet there are no viable options.
Rudyard Kipling spoke these famous words to the Royal College of Surgeons in London in 1923.
Not only do words infect, egotize, narcotize, and paralyze, but they enter into and colour the minutest cells of the brain. . . .
Kipling understood how words can change the way another person thinks and feels, and influence people to do things they might not otherwise do.
Just like drugs.
Why does lying, cheating and dishonesty persist? We all know it causes pain, right?
Not so fast. Researchers have been looking into the positive emotional benefits of cheating. What they are discovering is – well – disturbing.
A new study by the American Psychological Association has found that cheater’s often experience an emotional high after doing something unethical, as long as it does not directly hurt someone else. Cheaters are often motivated even when there is no tangible reward.
Participants in the study predicted that they would feel badly or at least ambivalent after activities such as cheating on a test or logging more hours than they worked. However, when they actually cheated, researchers found that subjects actually received a significant emotional boost instead.
Interestingly, people who gained from someone else’s misdeeds also felt better on average than those who didn’t. In one experiment participants were asked to solve math puzzles within a certain time frame. They were told they would be paid for each puzzle solved, with a second participant (actually an actor) grading them.
Research suggests that yes, you can. Doing what emotionally secure people do creates results.
What do emotionally secure people do? What follows is a list of good habits, based on research and years of experience studying people who seem to have it together.
Did you know that refusing to apologize may actually boost your ego? It gives you a false sense of moral superiority. This creates insecurity because you then must defend your ego, fearing that it won’t hold up to social scrutiny.
Apologizing leads to empathy.
Would you rather have a big (if fragile) ego or be connected to someone? Studies show that when you sincerely apologize, you receive empathy. This empathy is a powerful connection to another person.
Can you become filled with resentment and bitterness when he walks into the room?
When he touches you, do you cringe?
Do you daydream of a life that is far different than your own?
A client of mine, Debbie, confessed, “I hate my husband.” Debbie was someone with whom I had a very strong coach-client relationship, so I really pushed to get at what was going on behind the scenes, deep within her subconscious mind.
Later, Debbie described the outcome as the single biggest breakthrough she’d had in her life thus far, so (with her permission and use of a pseudonym) I am happy to share our conversation in this post.