General Articles

Silent Treatment Effects on Relationships

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center for personal development.

Communication is the cornerstone to keeping an intimate relationship strong and healthy. However, many couples find the lines of communication come to a complete halt during times of disagreement or conflict. Typically, one partner is making a demand while the other responds in silence.

Sad couple having an argument sitting on bedThe inability to keep the lines of communication open is colloquially referred to as ‘the silent treatment.’ It has been in practice for so long that many individuals may have learned it from watching their own parents interact during arguments or opposing opinions.

It may seem like mere stubbornness on the part of one or both parties, but in truth, behavioral science labels it as a ‘demand-withdraw pattern’, and it is highly toxic to personal relationships.


4 Reasons Why Your Man Doesn’t Appreciate You

Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

husband's attitudeAre you suffering from lack of appreciation from your man?

If so, you may find the following perspective on men to be very enlightening. It might even spur you into action to get the appreciation you deserve. It’s part of a larger work that I am involved in writing. I thought I’d test it out here on PsychCentral to discover what you think.

There is actually a lot of research behind the information here. Forgive me, I am still compiling it. Mostly I’m interested in how these facts jive with what you know to be true at the level of intuition and experience in your life.

Does the following ring true for you, even though you may have never considered it before?

It all begins with what I am calling (for now) the holy trinity of facts about men:


Claim and Champion Your Inner Adult

Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

Inner Adult

I’m thinking of developing a workbook to help people claim and champion the inner adult.

Here’s why: So many of us, myself included, do not simply march into adulthood without getting stuck. We struggle with leftovers from the past.

Emotional habits developed in childhood have a way to sticking to us with some sort of psychic glue. I call this glue psychological attachment.

So, doing “inner child work” makes perfect sense, right? Heal the inner child so you can let go of the pain and angst from days gone by. I agree.

Yet, if we don’t have our minds clearly focused on the prize – emotional freedom, maturity and adulthood – if we don’t consciously develop the skills and mindset of an adult, there is no guarantee that healing childhood pain will yield success in the adult world. It can only help, but there is no substitute for developing adult skills.


Brain Poison: 7 Dangerous Metals in your Food (Names, Symptoms, Research)

Thursday, August 7th, 2014

heavy metals brain healthHistory’s largest mass poisoning of a human population has occurred in Bangladesh.

Because of it, 35 million people have been exposed to lethal levels of arsenic. Mortality rates are estimated at 13 per 1000, which means that this poisoning has ended as many at 455,000 lives.

It happened simply enough. In the late 1960s and 1970s, UNICEF and the World Bank, concerned that surface water in the area was causing too many cases of fatal diarrhea, funded the drilling of new wells. These deeper wells provided an abundance of fresh water to the booming population of Bangladesh and West Bengal.

There was one tragic oversight that sabotaged what might have been a monumental humanitarian achievement: They didn’t test the new wells for heavy metal content.

The negligence is hard to fathom, yet the damage pales in comparison to the negligence that occurs every single day in the world of big food manufacturers.


Top 10 Mistakes in Making Behavioral Changes (and their solutions)

Monday, July 28th, 2014

Do you want to create irresistible habits that lead to a healthy, happy and long life?

Sustaining long-term, positive habits is beyond frustrating for many people because they sabotage their success, sooner or later.

According to Stanford researcher BJ Fogg, the key to success with positive habits lies in establishing desired behaviors according to easy principles that work, while avoiding the top mistakes most people make.

tiny habitsStanford researcher BJ Fogg has a lot to smile about. He’s helping thousands create positive habits.

Fogg is Founder of the immensely popular system called Tiny Habits, which has been the focus of much research and publicity.

More 20 years of research while working with thousands of people has revealed the following mistakes people make when attempting to create new habits.


21 Signs That Your Worries Are Out of Control

Friday, July 25th, 2014

Bad things happen from time to time, do they not?

And it makes a lot of sense to prevent them from happening.

Yet, sometimes the bad things in life just show up.

Does worrying about it help?

woman low self-esteemWell, worry is a signal that something bad might happen. It’s useful. Worry let’s you know where to direct your attention to solve potential problems.

If you did not have the ability to worry, who knows what you would allow to happen in your life. It would be dangerous.

• If the company you work for is in trouble, you worry about money.
• If you find a lump under your skin, you worry about your health.
• If you child is failing school, you worry about his or her education.

If you handle the worry well, you allow it to spur you into action. You plan to get a new job, perhaps. You see a doctor right away. You meet with your child’s counselor and teachers. You get on it and solve problems where you can.

Handle worry like this:


Can Narcissists Learn Empathy?

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

In a recent study, researchers from the University of Southampton and the University of Surrey have attempted to find out whether patients suffering from narcissism can learn to show empathy for another person’s suffering.

Their study, which is being published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, has shown that it may be possible.

husband's attitudeOne of the main hallmarks of narcissism is a lack of empathy for others. This has a negative effect on their personal relationships, social interaction, and social behaviors. In most cases, this is because their lack of empathy means that they are unconcerned with the effect their actions have on others.

For this study, researchers chose to focus on patients who exhibit subclinical narcissism. This diagnosis is given to patients who are psychologically healthy while still exhibiting some narcissistic traits. This form of narcissism is more common than narcissistic personality disorder.

To examine whether narcissists could be capable of empathizing with another person’s suffering, they asked study participants to read an excerpt describing the break up of a relationship. No matter how severe the hypothetical scenario was, high-narcissists did not show any empathy for the subject. This was true even in situations where the subject of the excerpt suffered overwhelming depression.


Take the Quiz:
Are You Attracting Rejection?

Wednesday, July 16th, 2014

enlighten-me-surveys_banner

Enlighten-Me Surveys, sponsored by the iNLP Center, has just released a new quiz – the Rejection Attraction quiz.

This 12-question quiz will assess how susceptible you are to rejection, low self-esteem and low self-confidence.

If you’ve ever wondered:

Am I setting myself up for rejection?
Why do I feel like I don’t belong?
Why can’t I say no?
Why do I care so much what others think?
Why do I criticize myself so much?
Why do I always expect myself to be perfect?


Attached to Rejection:
A Psychological Syndrome

Tuesday, July 15th, 2014

For several years at the iNLP Center now we’ve been developing the structure of what we call an Attachment to Rejection.

Understanding this psychological syndrome has been helping people who harbor feelings of rejection, hurt, humiliation, social anxiety, low self-worth and a variety of self-limiting beliefs.

Most interestingly, the insights that come with understanding this model tend to lead to behavioral change, which is very encouraging. It seem that this syndrome operates unconsciously. Bringing it into conscious awareness usually creates an aha moment. New choices come to mind thereafter.

Until now, we’ve only taught about the rejection attachment in our paid course, the AHA Solution. Recently, we’ve begun a new project to publish a clear structure of the syndromes, beginning with rejection.

It’s a work in progress. As we learn more about chronic feelings of rejection and low self-worth, we’ll update our findings. For now, you can view the explanation, signs, symptoms and unconscious workings of the rejection attachment on the following page:

Attachment to Rejection


What is Self-Love?

Monday, July 14th, 2014

What is self-love?To better understand self-love, let’s compare it to what it is NOT.

The contrast may be clarifying and lead to choices that make self-love a greater possibility for you and me.

Self-love is not self-centeredness or narcissism.

These are antithetical to self-love.

When you love yourself, you understand that you are not just a person, but a person among other people. You get that others are people just like you, with similar wants, needs, hopes, dreams, struggles and challenges.

So, you live your life working to balance your needs with theirs. This is not always an obvious or easy thing to do. Yet, you work at it anyway if you love yourself.


 

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