If you believe that negative emotions are the only ones people avoid, consider the following.
A psychological study recently confirmed that depression is not caused by the simple presence of a negative state of mind. There is another huge, overlooked factor.
That factor is the avoidance of positive emotions that you already have.
In other words, each of us experiences natural positive emotions that want to surface every single day. Then, something mind-boggling happens.
When the positive emotions start to rise, they get repressed!
Yes, I lost my extreme desire for junk food and for overeating as well.
This wasn’t an act of will. And it wasn’t luck, either.
Losing my cravings for bad food – and for too much food – was the result of something else entirely. And that is what I’d like to explain to you in this article.
Before I get started, let me be clear about a few of things:
1. I am not about to present a magic formula that promises to end your food cravings. I did not go through a step-by-step process.
2. I don’t promise that you can do what I did, or that it would “work” for you, even if you attempted my methodology and succeeded.
3. There is no scientific evidence that I know of that supports my claims. In fact, what I did is not even possible to study scientifically.
4. I am not suggesting that my food cravings will never return. They haven’t, in fact, and it has been quite some time. Yet there are no guarantees, are there?
5. Finally, there is a good chance that by the end of this article you will think that I am crazy. I accept.
How’s that for reassurance?
In short, you’re on your own. You and only you can decide if what I am about to relate makes any sense – and whether or not to believe me.
Over a course of years, I have developed a deep awareness of my feelings. I am 47 years old at this point. At age 24, through the course of my NLP training, I learned that I was almost totally out of touch with my own feelings. I couldn’t tell you what I was feeling. I couldn’t admit when I was afraid, frustrated or angry – or happy, joyful or enthusiastic, either.
I was Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected. No feelings required!
Of course “Mr. Cool” was a facade and I ultimately felt like a fake, especially given my chosen career.
When this hit me, I vowed to get in touch. It took some time. More than 20 years later, I …
We don’t mean to.
In fact, in a string of self-doubtful years, my entire goal in life was to gain greater self-confidence. It turned out that many of my behaviors (that I thought might help) were chronically backfiring on me.
Your greatest tool is awareness of how self-doubt can work. Here are 5 behavior that nearly guarantee that self-doubt will rule your mind.
Marriage, buying a house, making a career change….these are big decisions that help determine your quality of life. It’s amazing how quickly some of us make them.
Getting married after you’ve known someone for a few short weeks.
Buying a house after shopping around for a day.
Starting a business without taking the time to really assess the market and your own financials.
More than 150 people and counting have taken at least one of our new email coaching programs. Hope and I have learned a lot about the self-sabotaging habits that people tend to struggle with.
First, a self-sabotaging habit is a recurring behavior that takes us in the opposite direction of fulfillment and happiness. Knowing this, you’d think all of us would simply stop.
Yet, experience with clients and in our own lives tells us that it’s not that simple in practice.
Yes, by all means, STOP your self-sabotage. Just quit it.
And when you can’t seem to get yourself to simply do that, seek education and guidance. You’ll need it. When you just cannot keep yourself from doing things that cause you harm, then you need more information and guidance.
Why do people make choices, then, that lead to pain?
For example, a woman has been dating a guy who has shown all the red flags. He won’t admit mistakes. He shows little interest in her. He’s had that angry, dangerous look in his eye more than once.
Yet, she keeps on dating him, upping the ante until his true colors blossom in the form of hurt and rejection.
Or, a man knows that if he just does his duties around the house, his wife will stop nagging him. He knows because he’s experienced this. Yet, he drags his feet, watches TV or tinkers in the garage until she’s so frustrated that she becomes a broken record of nag.
He hates the nagging more than anything. It makes him feel controlled. Yet, he keeps doing the very things that invite more nagging into his life.
Or, you see the plate of donuts and cakes in front of you. Of course, you know that if you indulge, those pastries will leave you feeling bloated and sick. On top of that, you’ll feel like you’ve let yourself down again – like a loser.
Yet, you eat.
And our various problem behaviors and feelings serve that purpose.
At least we’d be starting from a practical and productive place.
Instead, most of us start to solve personal problems by complaining. Then we play an endless, neurotic game of cat and mouse with our psyche that leads nowhere. I’ve done my share of this, believe me.
Let’s stop the shenanigans and cut to the chase.
The choice often involves two options:
1. Persist (the tough get going)
2. Quit (which is often a smart thing to do)
It’s difficult to know which is the smarter choice, so I’ve written an entire life skills post about this (it even includes a free worksheet).
For this post, we’ll assume that the smart choice for you is to keep going in spite of how difficult things have become.
Here are four things to remember as you persist in your chosen direction.
1. You’re choosing this.
If you’re working on a goal or solving a problem in your life, it can help to realize the point at which you chose to do exactly what you’re doing. Otherwise it might be tempting for you to consider yourself a victim, which would be really bad news.
If you’re working on a goal, you chose that goal.
If you’re facing challenges in a relationship, you’re choosing the relationship. (Even if it’s your parents or siblings, you’re now choosing to remain involved with them).
If you’re dealing with a challenges at work, you chose your job. Even if it’s unfair, you’re choosing to go along (and it may be a necessary choice).
Getting in touch with the free choice you made – or are actively making – is empowering. Don’t be a victim. It will sap your strength.
2. Asking for help is a noble thing.
Refusing to ask for help denies you access to a world of resources that you need. Chances are there people who want to support you. Are you asking?
Often, we don’t ask for help because we’re too proud. We’re embarrassed that we can’t do it all on our own. This is self-sabotage – a path to failure. If it’s your ego you are concerned about, then you should definitely ask for help when you need it. You’re much more likely to be successful.
3. You have built in resources for this.
Most of us have deeper mental and emotional resources than we typically use on an average day. Is it time to access yours in a stronger, more …
Teenage boys believe that girls their age should be less intelligent.
Teenage girls agree.
In 2014, teenage boys believe that a smarter, more capable girl makes them less manly.
Teenage girls play along, hiding their intelligence and talents so they don’t intimidate the boys. These are modern day teenagers, grade 8.
I do not believe this study has credibility outside the specific population of women whose patterns were analyzed.
At any rate, the new look at why women have affairs reveals a provocative scenario, and raises some big questions.
Traditionally viewed, the role that married women are assumed to take when engaging in extra-marital affairs is thought to be driven by the need for love, emotional intimacy and affection.
Conventional wisdom suggests that women stray outside their marriage because they are emotionally dissatisfied.
Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center for personal development.
Communication is the cornerstone to keeping an intimate relationship strong and healthy. However, many couples find the lines of communication come to a complete halt during times of disagreement or conflict. Typically, one partner is making a demand while the other responds in silence.
The inability to keep the lines of communication open is colloquially referred to as ‘the silent treatment.’ It has been in practice for so long that many individuals may have learned it from watching their own parents interact during arguments or opposing opinions.
It may seem like mere stubbornness on the part of one or both parties, but in truth, behavioral science labels it as a ‘demand-withdraw pattern’, and it is highly toxic to personal relationships.