General Articles

Is Your Pleasure Principle All Jacked Up?

Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

shrug1The pleasure principle suggests that people seek pleasure and avoid pain. It’s the theoretical motivation behind human behavior. 

It makes perfect sense. Or does it?

Why do people make choices, then, that lead to pain?

For example, a woman has been dating a guy who has shown all the red flags. He won’t admit mistakes. He shows little interest in her. He’s had that angry, dangerous look in his eye more than once.

Yet, she keeps on dating him, upping the ante until his true colors blossom in the form of hurt and rejection.

Or, a man knows that if he just does his duties around the house, his wife will stop nagging him. He knows because he’s experienced this. Yet, he drags his feet, watches TV or tinkers in the garage until she’s so frustrated that she becomes a broken record of nag.

He hates the nagging more than anything. It makes him feel controlled. Yet, he keeps doing the very things that invite more nagging into his life.

Or, you see the plate of donuts and cakes in front of you. Of course, you know that if you indulge, those pastries will leave you feeling bloated and sick. On top of that, you’ll feel like you’ve let yourself down again – like a loser.

Yet, you eat.

What’s going on?


20 Ways You Might Be Punishing Yourself

Monday, October 20th, 2014

self -punishmentMany issues we face would make much more sense if we simply admitted up front that we feel we deserve to be punished.

And our various problem behaviors and feelings serve that purpose.

Seriously.

At least we’d be starting from a practical and productive place.

Instead, most of us start to solve personal problems by complaining. Then we play an endless, neurotic game of cat and mouse with our psyche that leads nowhere. I’ve done my share of this, believe me.

Let’s stop the shenanigans and cut to the chase.


4 Things to Remember When the Going Gets Tough

Saturday, September 20th, 2014

SeniorwomanWhen the going gets tough, smart people make a choice.

The choice often involves two options:

1.    Persist (the tough get going)

2.    Quit (which is often a smart thing to do)

It’s difficult to know which is the smarter choice, so I’ve written an entire life skills post about this (it even includes a free worksheet).

For this post, we’ll assume that the smart choice for you is to keep going in spite of how difficult things have become.
Here are four things to remember as you persist in your chosen direction.
1. You’re choosing this.

If you’re working on a goal or solving a problem in your life, it can help to realize the point at which you chose to do exactly what you’re doing. Otherwise it might be tempting for you to consider yourself a victim, which would be really bad news.

If you’re working on a goal, you chose that goal.

If you’re facing challenges in a relationship, you’re choosing the relationship. (Even if it’s your parents or siblings, you’re now choosing to remain involved with them).

If you’re dealing with a challenges at work, you chose your job. Even if it’s unfair, you’re choosing to go along (and it may be a necessary choice).

Getting in touch with the free choice you made – or are actively making – is empowering. Don’t be a victim. It will sap your strength.

2. Asking for help is a noble thing.

Refusing to ask for help denies you access to a world of resources that you need. Chances are there people who want to support you. Are you asking?

Often, we don’t ask for help because we’re too proud. We’re embarrassed that we can’t do it all on our own. This is self-sabotage – a path to failure. If it’s your ego you are concerned about, then you should definitely ask for help when you need it. You’re much more likely to be successful.

3. You have built in resources for this.

Most of us have deeper mental and emotional resources than we typically use on an average day. Is it time to access yours in a stronger, more …


2014: Girls Play Dumb
to Make Boys Feel Better

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center for NLP training and personal development.

Teenage boys believe that girls their age should be less intelligent.

Teenage girls agree.

In 2014, teenage boys believe that a smarter, more capable girl makes them less manly.

Teenage girls play along, hiding their intelligence and talents so they don’t intimidate the boys. These are modern day teenagers, grade 8.

girls play dumb

This conclusion came as a result of an extremely unusual research project…


Surprising Reason Why Some Women Seek Affairs

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2014

women affairsThis focus of the study mentioned in this post is women who were seeking affairs in a particular manner. So, that’s the starting point.

I do not believe this study has credibility outside the specific population of women whose patterns were analyzed.

At any rate, the new look at why women have affairs reveals a provocative scenario, and raises some big questions.

Traditionally viewed, the role that married women are assumed to take when engaging in extra-marital affairs is thought to be driven by the need for love, emotional intimacy and affection.

Conventional wisdom suggests that women stray outside their marriage because they are emotionally dissatisfied.


Silent Treatment Effects on Relationships

Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center for personal development.

Communication is the cornerstone to keeping an intimate relationship strong and healthy. However, many couples find the lines of communication come to a complete halt during times of disagreement or conflict. Typically, one partner is making a demand while the other responds in silence.

Sad couple having an argument sitting on bedThe inability to keep the lines of communication open is colloquially referred to as ‘the silent treatment.’ It has been in practice for so long that many individuals may have learned it from watching their own parents interact during arguments or opposing opinions.

It may seem like mere stubbornness on the part of one or both parties, but in truth, behavioral science labels it as a ‘demand-withdraw pattern’, and it is highly toxic to personal relationships.


4 Reasons Why Your Man Doesn’t Appreciate You

Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

husband's attitudeAre you suffering from lack of appreciation from your man?

If so, you may find the following perspective on men to be very enlightening. It might even spur you into action to get the appreciation you deserve. It’s part of a larger work that I am involved in writing. I thought I’d test it out here on PsychCentral to discover what you think.

There is actually a lot of research behind the information here. Forgive me, I am still compiling it. Mostly I’m interested in how these facts jive with what you know to be true at the level of intuition and experience in your life.

Does the following ring true for you, even though you may have never considered it before?

It all begins with what I am calling (for now) the holy trinity of facts about men:


Claim and Champion Your Inner Adult

Wednesday, August 20th, 2014

Inner Adult

I’m thinking of developing a workbook to help people claim and champion the inner adult.

Here’s why: So many of us, myself included, do not simply march into adulthood without getting stuck. We struggle with leftovers from the past.

Emotional habits developed in childhood have a way to sticking to us with some sort of psychic glue. I call this glue psychological attachment.

So, doing “inner child work” makes perfect sense, right? Heal the inner child so you can let go of the pain and angst from days gone by. I agree.

Yet, if we don’t have our minds clearly focused on the prize – emotional freedom, maturity and adulthood – if we don’t consciously develop the skills and mindset of an adult, there is no guarantee that healing childhood pain will yield success in the adult world. It can only help, but there is no substitute for developing adult skills.


Brain Poison: 7 Dangerous Metals in your Food (Names, Symptoms, Research)

Thursday, August 7th, 2014

heavy metals brain healthHistory’s largest mass poisoning of a human population has occurred in Bangladesh.

Because of it, 35 million people have been exposed to lethal levels of arsenic. Mortality rates are estimated at 13 per 1000, which means that this poisoning has ended as many at 455,000 lives.

It happened simply enough. In the late 1960s and 1970s, UNICEF and the World Bank, concerned that surface water in the area was causing too many cases of fatal diarrhea, funded the drilling of new wells. These deeper wells provided an abundance of fresh water to the booming population of Bangladesh and West Bengal.

There was one tragic oversight that sabotaged what might have been a monumental humanitarian achievement: They didn’t test the new wells for heavy metal content.

The negligence is hard to fathom, yet the damage pales in comparison to the negligence that occurs every single day in the world of big food manufacturers.


Top 10 Mistakes in Making Behavioral Changes (and their solutions)

Monday, July 28th, 2014

Do you want to create irresistible habits that lead to a healthy, happy and long life?

Sustaining long-term, positive habits is beyond frustrating for many people because they sabotage their success, sooner or later.

According to Stanford researcher BJ Fogg, the key to success with positive habits lies in establishing desired behaviors according to easy principles that work, while avoiding the top mistakes most people make.

tiny habitsStanford researcher BJ Fogg has a lot to smile about. He’s helping thousands create positive habits.

Fogg is Founder of the immensely popular system called Tiny Habits, which has been the focus of much research and publicity.

More 20 years of research while working with thousands of people has revealed the following mistakes people make when attempting to create new habits.


 

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