General Articles

Top 10 Mistakes in Making Behavioral Changes (and their solutions)

Monday, July 28th, 2014

Do you want to create irresistible habits that lead to a healthy, happy and long life?

Sustaining long-term, positive habits is beyond frustrating for many people because they sabotage their success, sooner or later.

According to Stanford researcher BJ Fogg, the key to success with positive habits lies in establishing desired behaviors according to easy principles that work, while avoiding the top mistakes most people make.

tiny habitsStanford researcher BJ Fogg has a lot to smile about. He’s helping thousands create positive habits.

Fogg is Founder of the immensely popular system called Tiny Habits, which has been the focus of much research and publicity.

More 20 years of research while working with thousands of people has revealed the following mistakes people make when attempting to create new habits.


21 Signs That Your Worries Are Out of Control

Friday, July 25th, 2014

Bad things happen from time to time, do they not?

And it makes a lot of sense to prevent them from happening.

Yet, sometimes the bad things in life just show up.

Does worrying about it help?

woman low self-esteemWell, worry is a signal that something bad might happen. It’s useful. Worry let’s you know where to direct your attention to solve potential problems.

If you did not have the ability to worry, who knows what you would allow to happen in your life. It would be dangerous.

• If the company you work for is in trouble, you worry about money.
• If you find a lump under your skin, you worry about your health.
• If you child is failing school, you worry about his or her education.

If you handle the worry well, you allow it to spur you into action. You plan to get a new job, perhaps. You see a doctor right away. You meet with your child’s counselor and teachers. You get on it and solve problems where you can.

Handle worry like this:


Can Narcissists Learn Empathy?

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2014

In a recent study, researchers from the University of Southampton and the University of Surrey have attempted to find out whether patients suffering from narcissism can learn to show empathy for another person’s suffering.

Their study, which is being published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, has shown that it may be possible.

husband's attitudeOne of the main hallmarks of narcissism is a lack of empathy for others. This has a negative effect on their personal relationships, social interaction, and social behaviors. In most cases, this is because their lack of empathy means that they are unconcerned with the effect their actions have on others.

For this study, researchers chose to focus on patients who exhibit subclinical narcissism. This diagnosis is given to patients who are psychologically healthy while still exhibiting some narcissistic traits. This form of narcissism is more common than narcissistic personality disorder.

To examine whether narcissists could be capable of empathizing with another person’s suffering, they asked study participants to read an excerpt describing the break up of a relationship. No matter how severe the hypothetical scenario was, high-narcissists did not show any empathy for the subject. This was true even in situations where the subject of the excerpt suffered overwhelming depression.


Take the Quiz:
Are You Attracting Rejection?

Wednesday, July 16th, 2014

enlighten-me-surveys_banner

Enlighten-Me Surveys, sponsored by the iNLP Center, has just released a new quiz – the Rejection Attraction quiz.

This 12-question quiz will assess how susceptible you are to rejection, low self-esteem and low self-confidence.

If you’ve ever wondered:

Am I setting myself up for rejection?
Why do I feel like I don’t belong?
Why can’t I say no?
Why do I care so much what others think?
Why do I criticize myself so much?
Why do I always expect myself to be perfect?


Attached to Rejection:
A Psychological Syndrome

Tuesday, July 15th, 2014

For several years at the iNLP Center now we’ve been developing the structure of what we call an Attachment to Rejection.

Understanding this psychological syndrome has been helping people who harbor feelings of rejection, hurt, humiliation, social anxiety, low self-worth and a variety of self-limiting beliefs.

Most interestingly, the insights that come with understanding this model tend to lead to behavioral change, which is very encouraging. It seem that this syndrome operates unconsciously. Bringing it into conscious awareness usually creates an aha moment. New choices come to mind thereafter.

Until now, we’ve only taught about the rejection attachment in our paid course, the AHA Solution. Recently, we’ve begun a new project to publish a clear structure of the syndromes, beginning with rejection.

It’s a work in progress. As we learn more about chronic feelings of rejection and low self-worth, we’ll update our findings. For now, you can view the explanation, signs, symptoms and unconscious workings of the rejection attachment on the following page:

Attachment to Rejection


What is Self-Love?

Monday, July 14th, 2014

What is self-love?To better understand self-love, let’s compare it to what it is NOT.

The contrast may be clarifying and lead to choices that make self-love a greater possibility for you and me.

Self-love is not self-centeredness or narcissism.

These are antithetical to self-love.

When you love yourself, you understand that you are not just a person, but a person among other people. You get that others are people just like you, with similar wants, needs, hopes, dreams, struggles and challenges.

So, you live your life working to balance your needs with theirs. This is not always an obvious or easy thing to do. Yet, you work at it anyway if you love yourself.


Three Things NOT to Say to Yourself Unless They Are True

Sunday, July 13th, 2014

Mike Bundrant is a retired mental health counselor, practicing personal coach, co-founder of the iNLP Center, co-author of the AHA Solution and author of Your Achilles Eel.

virtualquestionNegative self-talk is one of the most popular forms of self-torture. To one degree or another, we all have to deal with it.

Some ways of dealing with negative self-statements are better than others. In this post, I’d like to show you how to deal with inner negativity by discovering if what you say to yourself is actually true.

And it may be. That’s not a problem at all. The point is to think one level deeper and stop reacting spontaneously to whatever thoughts go off in your mind.

Here are three examples of things you may say to yourself that you can question and begin to weed out the truth.


Majority Choose Painful Shocks Over Being Alone with Thoughts

Saturday, July 12th, 2014

Do you enjoy sitting alone with nothing but your own thoughts? Or does your mind act more like a personal torture chamber?

Second hand stressA series of 11 Harvard studies has yielded some very interesting findings. First and foremost is this: the majority of people in the study chose to self-inflict painful electric shock over sitting with nothing but their own thoughts for a mere 15 minutes.

These weren’t mild shocks, either. In fact, they were so painful that every single one of the study participants would pay money to escape them. It’s confusing. But the results speak for themselves.


Survey On Instant Gratification: Please Take It Here

Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Special thanks to:

QP-logo-inside

 

You are invited to participate in research on the motivation behind instant gratification.

Click here to take this brief survey. Average completion time is just two minutes.

Learn about your subconscious motivation for instant gratification as you answer the 12 questions. And contribute to the body of knowledge!

In plain English, what is instant gratification?


10 Signs You Haven’t Adjusted to Life Outside the Womb

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014

Life outside the womb is pretty good, but it doesn’t come with certain benefits that – let’s face it – we all miss.

For example, outside the womb we aren’t hooked to a magical tube that instantly satisfies our every physical need before we even feel the lack. And there is no warm, everlastingly protective cushion that surrounds us 24/7.

life outside womb

Beyond that, there are other people out here! And traffic sucks.

Still, here we are. Mature people learn to adjust to reality, but there’s no guarantee that these all important adjustments will occur all by themselves.

How’s it going for you?
To help out, here are 10 signs that you need to adjust to life on the outside


 

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Recent Comments
  • bluephoenix: I am aware of the past that I cling to. Since I was a kid I wanted to be a doctor and worked hard to get...
  • Alice: I believe we are born with empathy….or not. I don’t believe it can be taught. We can explain to a...
  • Elaine: It’s been my experience that narcissists can experience empathy, but only when doing so does not...
  • Darlene Lancer, LMFT: Excellent list. I’d add codependency and addiction and low self-esteem. We get into...
  • RSDguy: What do you do when, in the case of #2, when it’s your spouse?
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