Healing occurs from the inside out.
But how do you do it?
The hardest part is squaring yourself what the fact that you’ve got issue. This is difficult for all of us. Our ego gets in the way, neck-deep in denial, and, well, say goodbye to any transforming insight.
In that vein, here are some ways to get your deeper mind to reveal the issues you may need to face. Again, this is the most challenging part of the battle. However, merely shining light on the issues initiates the healing process.
I’ve written another post on how to work with thoughts and feelings on the inside once your attention is there, where it needs to be. Check it out here. It even comes with a free worksheet.
The choice often involves two options:
1. Persist (the tough get going)
2. Quit (which is often a smart thing to do)
It’s difficult to know which is the smarter choice, so I’ve written an entire life skills post about this (it even includes a free worksheet).
For this post, we’ll assume that the smart choice for you is to keep going in spite of how difficult things have become.
Here are four things to remember as you persist in your chosen direction.
1. You’re choosing this.
If you’re working on a goal or solving a problem in your life, it can help to realize the point at which you chose to do exactly what you’re doing. Otherwise it might be tempting for you to consider yourself a victim, which would be really bad news.
If you’re working on a goal, you chose that goal.
If you’re facing challenges in a relationship, you’re choosing the relationship. (Even if it’s your parents or siblings, you’re now choosing to remain involved with them).
If you’re dealing with a challenges at work, you chose your job. Even if it’s unfair, you’re choosing to go along (and it may be a necessary choice).
Getting in touch with the free choice you made – or are actively making – is empowering. Don’t be a victim. It will sap your strength.
2. Asking for help is a noble thing.
Refusing to ask for help denies you access to a world of resources that you need. Chances are there people who want to support you. Are you asking?
Often, we don’t ask for help because we’re too proud. We’re embarrassed that we can’t do it all on our own. This is self-sabotage – a path to failure. If it’s your ego you are concerned about, then you should definitely ask for help when you need it. You’re much more likely to be successful.
3. You have built in resources for this.
Most of us have deeper mental and emotional resources than we typically use on an average day. Is it time to access yours in a stronger, more …
Teenage boys believe that girls their age should be less intelligent.
Teenage girls agree.
In 2014, teenage boys believe that a smarter, more capable girl makes them less manly.
Teenage girls play along, hiding their intelligence and talents so they don’t intimidate the boys. These are modern day teenagers, grade 8.
They want to determine what makes the difference between success and failure, from a scientific point of view. The Technical University of Lisbon along with Bangor University have developed and tested a behavioral intervention program to study the effects of women’s body image on her ability to lose weight.
The results of the research show a clear connection between how a person feels about her physical image and her ability to lose weight. The study, published in BioMed Central’s International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, shows promising results.
I’m thinking of developing a workbook to help people claim and champion the inner adult.
Here’s why: So many of us, myself included, do not simply march into adulthood without getting stuck. We struggle with leftovers from the past.
Emotional habits developed in childhood have a way to sticking to us with some sort of psychic glue. I call this glue psychological attachment.
So, doing “inner child work” makes perfect sense, right? Heal the inner child so you can let go of the pain and angst from days gone by. I agree.
Yet, if we don’t have our minds clearly focused on the prize – emotional freedom, maturity and adulthood – if we don’t consciously develop the skills and mindset of an adult, there is no guarantee that healing childhood pain will yield success in the adult world. It can only help, but there is no substitute for developing adult skills.
The reputation you have with yourself – your self-esteem – is the single most important factor for a fulfilling life.
Your self-assessment is the determining factor in your success. You set yourself up for success or failure. It is your judgment upon yourself that ultimately matters.
Let’s say you were to gain everything in outside world. Yet, at the end of the day, you still had low self-esteem. You have money, fame, cars, penthouse suites, lavish vacations and the approval of millions.
Yet, when you are alone with yourself, you aren’t at home. You’re not comfortable inside your own skin.
You hear a critical voice inside your head all day long. It says:
You should be doing more.
You’re not all that.
In spite of everything, you’re still a failure.
So-and-so is better than you.
If only people knew how awful you really are.
Would you be fulfilled by your all your material success?
Do you want to create irresistible habits that lead to a healthy, happy and long life?
Sustaining long-term, positive habits is beyond frustrating for many people because they sabotage their success, sooner or later.
According to Stanford researcher BJ Fogg, the key to success with positive habits lies in establishing desired behaviors according to easy principles that work, while avoiding the top mistakes most people make.
Fogg is Founder of the immensely popular system called Tiny Habits, which has been the focus of much research and publicity.
More 20 years of research while working with thousands of people has revealed the following mistakes people make when attempting to create new habits.
Bad things happen from time to time, do they not?
And it makes a lot of sense to prevent them from happening.
Yet, sometimes the bad things in life just show up.
Does worrying about it help?
If you did not have the ability to worry, who knows what you would allow to happen in your life. It would be dangerous.
• If the company you work for is in trouble, you worry about money.
• If you find a lump under your skin, you worry about your health.
• If you child is failing school, you worry about his or her education.
If you handle the worry well, you allow it to spur you into action. You plan to get a new job, perhaps. You see a doctor right away. You meet with your child’s counselor and teachers. You get on it and solve problems where you can.
Handle worry like this:
In a recent study, researchers from the University of Southampton and the University of Surrey have attempted to find out whether patients suffering from narcissism can learn to show empathy for another person’s suffering.
Their study, which is being published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, has shown that it may be possible.
One of the main hallmarks of narcissism is a lack of empathy for others. This has a negative effect on their personal relationships, social interaction, and social behaviors. In most cases, this is because their lack of empathy means that they are unconcerned with the effect their actions have on others.
For this study, researchers chose to focus on patients who exhibit subclinical narcissism. This diagnosis is given to patients who are psychologically healthy while still exhibiting some narcissistic traits. This form of narcissism is more common than narcissistic personality disorder.
To examine whether narcissists could be capable of empathizing with another person’s suffering, they asked study participants to read an excerpt describing the break up of a relationship. No matter how severe the hypothetical scenario was, high-narcissists did not show any empathy for the subject. This was true even in situations where the subject of the excerpt suffered overwhelming depression.
For several years at the iNLP Center now we’ve been developing the structure of what we call an Attachment to Rejection.
Understanding this psychological syndrome has been helping people who harbor feelings of rejection, hurt, humiliation, social anxiety, low self-worth and a variety of self-limiting beliefs.
Most interestingly, the insights that come with understanding this model tend to lead to behavioral change, which is very encouraging. It seem that this syndrome operates unconsciously. Bringing it into conscious awareness usually creates an aha moment. New choices come to mind thereafter.
Until now, we’ve only taught about the rejection attachment in our paid course, the AHA Solution. Recently, we’ve begun a new project to publish a clear structure of the syndromes, beginning with rejection.
It’s a work in progress. As we learn more about chronic feelings of rejection and low self-worth, we’ll update our findings. For now, you can view the explanation, signs, symptoms and unconscious workings of the rejection attachment on the following page: