It is a sad fact that most people need to heal their mind before they can be happy, but it is a fact nonetheless.

An unhealed mind cannot be happy. In fact, an unhealed mind is hell-bent on misery.

Noticing the following signs of an unhealed mind is a positive step toward change.

Do the following signs apply to you? If you can see them in your life, then you already have a leg up! Be warned: I speak boldly about these issues. I can speak freely because I am not afraid to admit that they also apply to me.
Five signs of an unhealed mind

1. Mental and emotional misery

You experience mental commotion, self-criticism, runaway thoughts, bad habits, anxiety, depression, self-loathing and more. Your mind and emotions seem to operate on autopilot, out of your conscious control. Depending on your level of neurosis, your mind can feel like a psychic torture machine created just to make you miserable.

2. You experience your suffering passively

You do not see yourself as the source of all the suffering. Or, if you do see yourself as the source, you do not have the power or self-control to do anything about it. You remain a helpless victim – as if something were being done to you, rather than by you.

3. You are blind to the cause of your suffering

You seem to attribute your suffering to almost everything but the actual cause, which has never occurred to you and would shock and anger you if someone put it to you straight.

Worse, you may be convinced that your suffering is caused by people or circumstances that could never cause it. You may blame your spouse, your parents, your boss, your kids or your neighbor. You may blame “life” or God or your lack of education or opportunity. You may blame yourself; your inadequacy or inferiority. None of these  is capable of causing the kind of suffering your experience within yourself, yet these are the common “causes” people find.

4. You resist solutions

When real solutions present themselves, you turn them away or even allow them to upset …

The calm of the present moment is always available and getting to it is deceptively simple.

In fact, it is more complicated to escape the present moment than to be in it.

The problem is, we are naturally complicated!

We learn early in life to avoid the simplicity of the moment and live inside an entangled mind-mess.

So, back to basics!

We connect to the present moment through our five senses. In this article, we’ll review simple ways to use three of your senses to sweep away the mind-mess and just be present. No drama. Just present.

The trick is to avoid making meaning. When you make meaning, you must go inside your mind. It is so easy at that point to make meaning that is emotionally upsetting.

All of us need a break from the internal commotion.
Accessing the External Present by Seeing, Hearing and Feeling
For me, the external present is the break I need. It is so calm and mundane – no mind chatter, no worry about the future, no regret, no problem. We cannot spend all of our time aware of the immediate now, but spending some time here every day is extraordinarily calming.

The key to getting really calm is to pay attention to the consistent and mundane. We can do it by listening, feeling and seeing in particular ways. Here are some examples. Do not just read….do!

Listen: Choose white noise and tune in fully. The sound of a fan. The hum of the refrigerator. The sound of running water, such as when you are in the shower. Mundane, consistent white noise is what you want.

Tune in, just listen and do not try to relax – just tune in to the sound. After a few seconds, you will feel yourself “settle.” Research has proven that this settling is related to your brain’s Default Mode Network (DMN). It switches off when engaged in this kind of conscious task. The DMN is the brain’s autopilot – which is commonly called the “inner commotion machine.”

Feel: Feel textures and temperatures in your immediate environment. The feel of the texture of your …

I come from a long line of tough guys who were too stubborn to make the changes that would allow them to live a longer, healthier life. Smoking, overeating, alcoholism and sedentary living gave way to cancer, diabetes, heart attacks and strokes.

By the time my grandfather was 74, he lived with oxygen tubes taped to his face, but still made space for a few cigarettes every day. The man simply had no give in him. He loved smoking more than he loved the possibility of living 10-20 years longer.

One by one, they fell. I can count at least 12 men in my family, including my father, who died a painful, willful, stubborn death caused by a consciously negligent lifestyle.

Interestingly, they were married to women who participated in their demise.

In each case, the wives complied with their husbands’ demands for cigarettes, booze and piles of food, even after being warned by doctors about the dangers of continuing on the current path. Dutifully, they bought the smokes, brought home the booze and prepared the bowls of ice cream. These men never had to get out of the easy chair to fetch their own poison.

People in my family didn’t talk about interpersonal stuff, so I will never know what really went on in everyone’s mind, but as a counselor (I am the oddball in the family) I have witnessed a similar dynamic dozens of times: Impossibly stubborn and rigid men who insist upon living in unhealthy ways on the one side, and women caretakers who indulge them on the other.

The dynamic changes, however, when a caretaker gets fed up and stops indulging the counterpart.

It’s tough. As soon as a devoted caretaker refuses to fetch the beer, bake the cake, buy the cigarettes or sit around and watch TV all night, the relationship becomes strained. Seriously strained. Moreover, some caretakers are 100% financially dependent upon a stubbornly unhealthy soul and simply do not have the courage to rock the boat.

When it comes down to it, if the relationship is already lacking commitment and emotional connection, rocking the …

We tend inflict so much suffering upon ourselves through negative self talk. It’s really amazing when you think about it. So much suffering due to words running through our minds…

In this post I’d like to share my top 10 self-damaging things we tend to say to ourselves. I have my own experience with negative self talk, believe me!

One tool for overcoming negative self-talk is to call it what it is. I’ll say more about that in a minute. Here is my list of the top ten things to avoid saying to yourself.

1. I’m not worth it.

This is a direct assault on your self-esteem and it is simply not true! Telling yourself you are not “worth it” only perpetuates negative beliefs you may have picked up early in life.

2. There’s no use.

Telling yourself there is no use steals your personal power and leaves you with no motivation.

3. I can’t do it.

Again, very disempowering. There are times when you truly cannot do something, however, most of the time this one is delivered as more of a self-attack than a statement of fact.

4. I’ll never follow through.

This is a set up for failure before you really get started. We all know that success comes one day at a time. Telling yourself you will fail before you get started is shooting yourself in the foot.

5. People won’t like me.

A set up for rejection. When you enter a new situation telling yourself that people won’t like you, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy!

6. Others are better than I am.

We all tend to compare ourselves to others. Sometimes we exercise prejudice against ourselves, though. Telling yourself that others are better than you is an assault on your self-worth.

7. I am not enough.

A huge one for people who feel inadequate to meet the demands of life. A sense of personal inadequacy is very discouraging – don’t reinforce it!

8. I must be perfect.

The way to guarantee failure is to criticize yourself whenever you are imperfect, which is all the time. We are perfectly imperfect!

9. My opinion doesn’t matter.

More low self-esteem …

One the March 20, 2013 episode of Mental Health Exposed, I had the privilege of speaking with Christiane Northrup, MD about repressed emotions and physical health, as well as a host of other issues.

If you haven’t heard of Dr. Northrup, she is an internationally known powerhouse of a medical doctor who favors alternative means of healing.

If you are interested in the connection between physical, mental and emotional health, then listen to the March 20, 2013 episode! It’s 100% free to download or listen to in iTunes.
Do Repressed Emotions Lead to Heart Disease?
I subscribe to DrNorthrup.com. When I received an email recently entitled, Hidden Emotions Hurt the Heart, I knew it was time to invite Dr. Northrup on the show.

Dr. Northrup stated recently on her website:

One of my friends was asking me for advice for her sister, who has hypertension (high blood pressure). I didn’t suggest a statin or a blood pressure lowering medication, as the first choice. I explained that, while there are factors like high blood pressure or a stressful lifestyle, which contribute to hypertension, sometimes the root cause is deep emotional tension from the past.

Little did I know that our discussion would explode into a sweeping assessment of mental, physical and spiritual health, with Dr. Northrup boldly defying her publisher’s wishes for her to be conservative in her public opinions!

Dr. Northrup also discusses her firm spiritual beliefs as well as the energetic imprint process, developed by Peter Calhoun. This process is so intriguing that I have agreed to do future show with Dr. Northrup and Peter Calhoun so that Peter can do the imprint process with me on the air.

The energetic imprint process is intended to clear past trauma so that you are free to live in the present without the stress of recycled past emotions.

Join us on the March 20, 2013 episode of Mental Health Exposed.

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My wife, Hope, wrote this post recently and I thought I’d share it with PsychCentral readers. Enjoy!

Life is a series of wrong turns…that’s a pretty good metaphor for a lot of us. The way we see life is pretty powerful in determining the way we live life.

If I tell myself that life is a struggle, I’m probably going to respond to the majority of situations prepared to struggle. If I say that life is a party, I’m probably going to have some fun and may be somewhat irresponsible.

How do you see your life?

Are you happy with your metaphor for life? What if you could change the way you see it?

Life metaphors come from our own past experiences. If I have failed at many things over the years, I might come to say that life is a bummer. Or, if I was raised with parents that were very strict, I might say life is a prison. If I’ve had my heart broken a lot, I might say life is a series of let downs.

Another way a metaphor can form is by the way someone close to us sees life. Maybe my mother found it difficult to get by, so I might grow up saying, life is a struggle. Or maybe my parents were really successful and I grew up with not a care in the world. Then, I might say life is a breeze. If I was spoiled, I might say life is a bore.

We see life differently depending on our influences and personal experience

Sometimes experiences are positive and bring us success and sometimes they are negative and encourage failure. Or sometimes, we pretend to see life in a hyper-positive way to protect ourselves from the fact that we really see it negatively.

Unless you are one of the lucky ones that has a naturally positive view of life that brings joy to everyone, you probably want to think about the life metaphors you carry around.

I’m someone who believes it is not good to be one way or another. Striving to be too positive is usually compensating for …

The whole world is suddenly concerned about the mentally ill. Unfortunately, the concern is not due to compassion, but out of fear.

We fear what we don’t understand, so it is time to understand mental illness like never before. 

Here are four facts that you should know:
1. Forcing treatment upon the mentally ill has ZERO positive effect
With all the talk about forcing the mentally ill into treatment with legislation like Laura’s Law, it turns out that there is proof that forcing treatment upon the mentally ill nets ZERO positive effect.

Researchers actually tracked two large groups of patients who had been released from the mental hospital. One group had compulsory treatment for their condition. They did not have a choice but to remain in treatment and take their medication. The other group was left to themselves, with no clinical supervision whatsoever.

Both groups had identical amounts of regression and revisits to the hospital. If forced treatment were so beneficial, you’d think the compulsory group would have fared better.

Here is the comprehensive study’s conclusion:

In well coordinated mental health services the imposition of compulsory supervision does not reduce the rate of readmission of psychotic patients. We found no support in terms of any reduction in overall hospital admission to justify the significant curtailment of patients’ personal liberty.

The results were so astounding that England’s primary advocate of compulsory treatment, Tom Burns, MD, has changed his position on the matter. Forced treatment does not work!
2. The mentally ill population is no more violent than the general population
The kneejerk reaction of so many is to fear the mentally ill. If you fear the mentally ill, then you should fear everyone, as the mentally ill are no more violent than your average person. Check these facts:

“…the vast majority of people who are violent do not suffer from mental illnesses (American Psychiatric Association, 1994).”

“The absolute risk of violence among the mentally ill as a group is very small. . . only a small proportion of the violence in our society can be attributed to persons who are mentally ill (Mulvey, 1994).”

“People with psychiatric …

If you ever want to increase your creativity, hang out with a schizophrenic. These lovable folks are some of the most interesting and creatively maladjusted people on earth. Enter their world and make your life interesting.

Back in the early 1990′s there was a mass exodus from psychiatric hospitals. Patients who had been residents (prisoners) for years were moved out into community group homes – single family residences in regular suburban neighborhoods that were staffed by psych techs around the clock. I was lucky enough to work full-time for two years at a home where three schizophrenic gentlemen were being reintroduced to community life.

I decided early on that if I were going to spend 40 hours of my life every week with these guys, that I’d enter their world and try to learn something, rather than expect them to enter mine. My life sucked anyhow. Who was I to demand anyone model himself after me? I also decided not to be afraid. And that was that.

I quickly became one of the few staff members the guys actually liked. They’d ask all day what time I was due to show up. When I got there, we’d hop in my VW Bug and head out for an adventure. We’d go to do park, to the convenience store for coffee or just out for a walk.
Hallucinations out on the town
It happened all the time. We’d be walking along and suddenly one of the guys, Keith, would say, “Hey Mike, there is someone following us!”

I’d turn around and see no one. “What does he look like?” I’d ask.

“He looks like a Ninja.”

“Oh. What should we do?” I’d ask Keith.

“I don’t know. You are supposed to know, Mike!”

“You wanna walk faster, or would that even help? Do you know Karate? Maybe you can protect me.”

At that point, Keith would start laughing hysterically, put his arm around me and forget the whole thing.

I made it a point never to tell them their hallucinations weren’t real. They were real and I always found it more helpful to enter the hallucination with them and try …

Awareness is touted as a powerful self-healer. Yet, many people fail to heal by being aware of themselves and their problems, even when the increased awareness is significant. Millions are self-aware and continue to suffer.

Does this mean increased self-awareness is a waste of time? No.

It means that in order to heal yourself with greater self-awareness, you need to become aware of the right stuff. What is the right stuff? That’s what this article is all about.

Imagine sitting in a chair and feeling a pain in your buttock. This is all you know. Your buttock hurts. Will this level of self-awareness stop the pain? Not likely.

So, you try to expand your awareness to remove the pain in your buttock. You stand up and look at the seat of the chair. Nothing. Hmm…maybe there is just something about that chair…you move to another chair. Your buttock still hurts.

You trying just standing there. Still hurts.

You concentrate on the pain itself. It’s a stabbing pain. Sharp. It burns a little, and throbs just a tiny bit. It’s right in the center of your left buttock. Lots of awareness going on. Does your buttock still hurt? Yes, it hurts like hell, even though you have expanded your awareness significantly.

Maybe this self-awareness stuff is just a bunch of bull? Not so fast…

Then you decide to look at your left buttock in the mirror. You turn around and ouch! You have a thumbtack stuck in your buttock!

Your awareness:

Your buttock hurts.
Your left buttock hurts.
You explored the chair.
You checked out another chair.
You stood.
You became aware of the pain: Center of left buttock, stabbing, burning, throbbing.
You noticed there is a thumbtack stuck in your buttock.

Several insights yielded no relief. One insight solved the whole problem. Well, the last insight put you in a unique and obvious position to solve the problem, assuming you want to be out of pain. Some people grow fond of pain…

Emotional insight is more complex, yet leads to the same healing opportunity

The same principle applies to longstanding emotional pain. Emotional pain is a bit more challenging, however. The thumbtack can still be …

We all have needs, yet some of us are expert at avoiding them. If you avoid getting your needs met, at some level you may believe it is wrong to have them met. This belief leads to emotional deprivation.

As we teach in our free AHA Solution video, emotional deprivation can become an attachment, a pattern so familiar that it literally becomes a self-sabotaging a way of life.

Letting go of attachments is entirely possible, thankfully.

Here is a list of 10 common ways people deprive themselves, or make it easy for others to deprive them. If you do one or more of these, it is possible you believe it is wrong for your needs to be met and are living with an attachment to deprivation.

1. You don’t express them.

Millions of people allow others to ignore, take advantage and take them for granted because they will not speak up. Yes, people should not do those things, however, you can guarantee that they won’t do it if you speak up.

Refusing to express your needs virtually guarantees deprivation.

2. You are overly focused on the needs of others.

Focusing on the needs of others is noble. Focusing solely on the needs of other at the expense of your own is a disservice to you and others. It typically leads to resentment and emotional martyrdom.

3. You feel guilty when you do something for yourself.

Guilt or “selfish” feelings when you meet your own needs is a sign that you don’t believe you deserve to have them met, as if it were wrong.

4. You can’t take compliments.

Not accepting compliments graciously (inside and out) is a way to deflect them, depriving yourself of the need to be appreciated.

5. You are attracted to emotionally unavailable or self-centered people.

A sure way to NOT to get your needs met is to attract emotionally unavailable or narcissistic people. When you commit to these kinds of people, you set yourself up for a lifetime of emotional deprivation.

6. You expect disappointment or that things won’t work out.

Expecting disappointment keeps fulfillment at a distance. The need to be physically and emotionally fulfilled is …