If we do not understand and accept these, then we will have a shallow, unhealthy relationships that make us miserable.
Are you ready to hear them? Here we go! I will speak boldly because I know the following applies to me as well…
How much time and energy do you spend trying to convince your partner that you are right? Most people in relationships are engaged in a power struggle over who is right and who is wrong. During this power struggle, true understanding and connection is lost.
Would you rather be right or be connected to your partner? Would you rather win a fight or be happy together?
Giving up the right/wrong and win/lose paradigm is a step toward a mature and healthy connection.
You’ve made a conscious choice to live with another human being. This human being is a separate person with separate desires. Sometimes your partner’s desires do not match yours.
To remain connected in a healthy way, you will need to honor your partner’s desires a good deal of the time. Are you mature enough to make the sacrifice, or do you think you are entitled to have everything you want? Are you OK with your partner making sacrifices, yet do not expect yourself to make any?
What’s more important, getting what you want all the time, or being happy with the person you love?
Your partner is not required to put up with your foul moods, bad habits, gross jokes, laziness or even your inner child, for that matter.
So many of us expect our romantic partners to care for us as a parent. Actually, some people require the kind of “unconditional” acceptance that even parents don’t offer. Nothing kills romance faster than this expectation.
“But if she loves me unconditionally, then she should accept whatever mood I am in, shouldn’t she?”
No. She loves you, but didn’t sign on to be more accepting than your mother. Your partner expects and deserves to be in a relationship with the adult you, the one who is capable of emotional maturity, respect and reciprocity. Anything less than this is heading down the road to misery.
Refusing to acknowledge and work with these three realities sets couples up for failure. The best-case scenario occurs when both parties understand them and work toward honoring them.
Many adults in relationships understand these concept intellectually, yet sabotage the relationship anyway. Self-sabotage in relationships may be the number one cause of break ups. To learn more about how you may be unwittingly sabotaging yourself, watch this free video.
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Last reviewed: 20 May 2013