An article on an alternative personal development site discusses rejection from your “un-family.” As if some families are not really families at all, but rejection machines.
The un-family article is a little “out there,” but writing that way got me thinking about rejection. When I think about who rejects me the most, family of origin members come to mind. When I think about who might feel most rejected by me, family of origin members come to mind.
To the degree that they are, you should learn effective ways of dealing with it, as rejection by those closest to us is most damaging, according to Claire Arene, MSW, LCSW, who said:
Rejection creates a feeling of being unwanted which then reduces self-esteem. The more intimate the relationship in which rejection is experienced, the greater the damage done, and the more challenging it can be to overcome the effects.
Of course, the worst possible situation is growing up with rejection and developing an attachment to it, which is possible to do. An attachment is like psychological gravity – we are unconsciously drawn to something – even something negative like rejection – over and over again, because it is what we learned in our formative years.
This video on attachments sheds tremendous light on three styles of psychological attachments: control, deprivation and rejection. This material is unique!
When you have identified this person, then identify whether or not you know how to avoid it. How could you completely avoid being rejected? If you have no idea, then you may need an outsider’s perspective.
If you know how to avoid it, but refuse to do so. If you “can’t resist” getting sucked into the same old scenario, then perhaps you have a psychological attachment that operates unconsciously. You are unwittingly drawn to rejection scenarios because they hold a ton of psychological gravity for you.
This one insight could open the door to an entirely new way of handling those who chronically reject you.
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Last reviewed: 7 Feb 2013