5 Behaviors that Guarantee Self-Doubt

By Mike Bundrant

nacadepressionNobody likes self-doubt, but many of us do things that guarantee that it will be a constant in our lives.

We don’t mean to.

In fact, in a string of self-doubtful years, my entire goal in life was to gain greater self-confidence. It turned out that many of my behaviors (that I thought might help) were chronically backfiring on me.

Your greatest tool is awareness of how self-doubt can work. Here are 5 behavior that nearly guarantee that self-doubt will rule your mind.

1. Quick Decisions about Important Things

Marriage, buying a house, making a career change….these are big decisions that help determine your quality of life. It’s amazing how quickly some of us make them.

Getting married after you’ve known someone for a few short weeks.
Buying a house after shopping around for a day.
Starting a business without taking the time to really assess the market and your own financials.

Continue reading… »



Top 5 Self-Sabotaging Habits to Stop Right Now

By Mike Bundrant

More than 150 people and counting have taken at least one of our new email coaching programs. Hope and I have learned a lot about the self-sabotaging habits that people tend to struggle with.

woman knock outI’d like to share the top 5 self-sabotaging habits with you, with a few key insights about each.

First, a self-sabotaging habit is a recurring behavior that takes us in the opposite direction of fulfillment and happiness. Knowing this, you’d think all of us would simply stop.

Yet, experience with clients and in our own lives tells us that it’s not that simple in practice.

Yes, by all means, STOP your self-sabotage. Just quit it.

And when you can’t seem to get yourself to simply do that, seek education and guidance. You’ll need it. When you just cannot keep yourself from doing things that cause you harm, then you need more information and guidance.

Continue reading… »



Is Your Pleasure Principle All Jacked Up?

By Mike Bundrant

shrug1The pleasure principle suggests that people seek pleasure and avoid pain. It’s the theoretical motivation behind human behavior. 

It makes perfect sense. Or does it?

Why do people make choices, then, that lead to pain?

For example, a woman has been dating a guy who has shown all the red flags. He won’t admit mistakes. He shows little interest in her. He’s had that angry, dangerous look in his eye more than once.

Yet, she keeps on dating him, upping the ante until his true colors blossom in the form of hurt and rejection.

Or, a man knows that if he just does his duties around the house, his wife will stop nagging him. He knows because he’s experienced this. Yet, he drags his feet, watches TV or tinkers in the garage until she’s so frustrated that she becomes a broken record of nag.

He hates the nagging more than anything. It makes him feel controlled. Yet, he keeps doing the very things that invite more nagging into his life.

Or, you see the plate of donuts and cakes in front of you. Of course, you know that if you indulge, those pastries will leave you feeling bloated and sick. On top of that, you’ll feel like you’ve let yourself down again – like a loser.

Yet, you eat.

What’s going on?

Continue reading… »



20 Ways You Might Be Punishing Yourself

By Mike Bundrant

self -punishmentMany issues we face would make much more sense if we simply admitted up front that we feel we deserve to be punished.

And our various problem behaviors and feelings serve that purpose.

Seriously.

At least we’d be starting from a practical and productive place.

Instead, most of us start to solve personal problems by complaining. Then we play an endless, neurotic game of cat and mouse with our psyche that leads nowhere. I’ve done my share of this, believe me.

Let’s stop the shenanigans and cut to the chase.

Continue reading… »



5 Ways To Discover Your Inner Truth

By Mike Bundrant

hugs from a young womanWhen you live with awareness of your inner truth, you are living your best possible life.

It’s a shame that we so often overlook what’s deep inside of ourselves, in pursuit of external validation. We crave possessions and worldly success. We crave validation from others. Our attention is ever diverted away from what’s going on inside. Why?

Because it’s not a bowl of cherries in there.

As much as we know that, deep down, we are innocent, vulnerable and sweet, there is often a wall of negativity and self-sabotage that stands in the way of our deeper truth.

It is this wall of negativity that you must penetrate if you want to live in touch with your true self. How do you go about it?

When the negative thoughts within harangue you, try these 5 methods for moving past them…

1. Write it down

Try it. Take a paper and pen, then begin recording the stream of thoughts that pass through your mind. Don’t attempt to edit your thoughts…just write. When the stream of thoughts is coming to an end, ask yourself, “How do I sum all this up?” Then, record the next thing that comes to mind.

This final thought is a worth knowing. If it is positive, then you’ve just handed yourself a piece of inspiration. If it’s negative, then you now have a negative belief to address that may be getting in your way. Address it!

2. Complete the sentence

Complete the following sentence with at least three answers that come to mind:

What I most need to know about myself is….

One of the answers will probably point in a productive direction in your growth as a person. If it’s positive, take inspiration. If it’s negative, find your humility and take on the challenge of dealing with it.

3. Ask for feedback

There are people in your life that know you and care about you. When was the last time you asked one of them for personal feedback? Most of us never act proactively to learn from one of the best resources around – other people.

Ask a trusted friend:

What do you think is one of my finest qualities?

What do you think I need to work on as a person?

Ask sincerely. If you’re bold enough to inquire, you’ll learn more about who you are through the eyes of others.

4. Find your purpose

It’s not as difficult as it might seem. Here’s on thing to try. Take out a sheet of paper and put at the top: My Purpose in Life, For Now, Is……

Then, write! Keep writing until you hit on an idea that grabs you, emotionally. Yes, get past all the surface thoughts and you’ll soon come across an idea that sparks deeper emotions in you. Stop there. You may have just run across something valuable. Savor that thought. It could be your purpose at this time in your life.

5. Ground yourself and listen

I believe that all of us have the inner wisdom we need – if we will listen. Again, it’s the negative voices inside that tend to drown out the deeper message. One good way to get past these voices is to ground yourself before turning your attention inward.

Here’s how to do it: Sit comfortably and listen to the background sounds in the room. They might include the sound of a fan blowing, your computer humming or the sound of distant traffic. Pick one mundane, consistent background noise – white noise. Just listen to it until you feel a slight settling within yourself.

After you settle, then turn your attention inward and simply listen for any words of wisdom you need at this time. Try it!

Yes, it all takes a little conscious effort. Surprisingly little! Yet, what’s more surprising, given the rewards, is that so few of us are willing to put in that effort.

But you will, won’t you?

The other option is to get some direct, personal coaching. This personalized email coaching program is a great way to introduce yourself to deeper truths lurking within yourself.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.



7 Prompts that Initiate Healing from the Inside Out

By Mike Bundrant

ladderthroughkeyholeIt’s the one principle that all spiritual and non-spiritual disciplines share:

Healing occurs from the inside out.

But how do you do it?

The hardest part is squaring yourself what the fact that you’ve got issue. This is difficult for all of us. Our ego gets in the way, neck-deep in denial, and, well, say goodbye to any transforming insight.

In that vein, here are some ways to get your deeper mind to reveal the issues you may need to face. Again, this is the most challenging part of the battle. However, merely shining light on the issues initiates the healing process.

I’ve written another post on how to work with thoughts and feelings on the inside once your attention is there, where it needs to be. Check it out here. It even comes with a free worksheet.

Continue reading… »



4 Things to Remember When the Going Gets Tough

By Mike Bundrant

SeniorwomanWhen the going gets tough, smart people make a choice.

The choice often involves two options:

1.    Persist (the tough get going)

2.    Quit (which is often a smart thing to do)

It’s difficult to know which is the smarter choice, so I’ve written an entire life skills post about this (it even includes a free worksheet).

For this post, we’ll assume that the smart choice for you is to keep going in spite of how difficult things have become.

Here are four things to remember as you persist in your chosen direction.

1. You’re choosing this.

If you’re working on a goal or solving a problem in your life, it can help to realize the point at which you chose to do exactly what you’re doing. Otherwise it might be tempting for you to consider yourself a victim, which would be really bad news.

If you’re working on a goal, you chose that goal.

If you’re facing challenges in a relationship, you’re choosing the relationship. (Even if it’s your parents or siblings, you’re now choosing to remain involved with them).

If you’re dealing with a challenges at work, you chose your job. Even if it’s unfair, you’re choosing to go along (and it may be a necessary choice).

Getting in touch with the free choice you made – or are actively making – is empowering. Don’t be a victim. It will sap your strength.

2. Asking for help is a noble thing.

Refusing to ask for help denies you access to a world of resources that you need. Chances are there people who want to support you. Are you asking?

Often, we don’t ask for help because we’re too proud. We’re embarrassed that we can’t do it all on our own. This is self-sabotage – a path to failure. If it’s your ego you are concerned about, then you should definitely ask for help when you need it. You’re much more likely to be successful.

3. You have built in resources for this.

Most of us have deeper mental and emotional resources than we typically use on an average day. Is it time to access yours in a stronger, more effective way. You can do so by following this simple NLP-based formula:

a.  Identify which resource you need. Let’s say you need more determination.

b. Remember a time when you felt totally determined.

c. Step back into that memory, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and feeling what you felt at the time. Recapture your determination through this memory!

d. With the feeling of determination resuscitated inside you, consider how you are going t put it to use now.

4. It could always be worse.

This one is cliche, I know. But there is a reason why this one gets overused. It’s because we so often get caught up in our own narcissistic experience.  And we lose sight of the fact that even our worst days are far, far better than people in the world who are suffering the most. And of course, our modern lives are just plain easy compared to the lives of our ancestors.

It could be worse. Be thankful it’s not. Keep going with a small degree of gratitude that you have it so good.

Additional Resources:

Like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

If persisting or self-discipline is an issue for you, address the underlying self-sabotage issue by watching this enlightening free video.

Read the article that discusses the choices between persisting and quitting – these are important life skills. The article is called 3 Synergistic Life Skills that will Get you Through any Difficulty.

cut-through-bs



2014: Girls Play Dumb
to Make Boys Feel Better

By Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center for NLP training and personal development.

Teenage boys believe that girls their age should be less intelligent.

Teenage girls agree.

In 2014, teenage boys believe that a smarter, more capable girl makes them less manly.

Teenage girls play along, hiding their intelligence and talents so they don’t intimidate the boys. These are modern day teenagers, grade 8.

girls play dumb

This conclusion came as a result of an extremely unusual research project…

Continue reading… »



The Common Mental Habit that Creates Negative Cascade of Stress Symptoms

By Mike Bundrant

Stress ManStuff goes wrong, right?

There isn’t a fix for that. We live in an imperfect world. The question is, are you doing the one thing that has been scientifically proven to take things from bad to worse?

The simple mental habit mentioned below has been shown to create the following symptoms:

• Chronic stress
• Reactive responses (as opposed to proactive responses)
• Low quality relationships
• Feelings of depression, isolation and despondence
• Lack of sleep

Recent research has pegged a mental habit – rumination – that guarantees low satisfaction, depressed mood and low productivity in people who do it consistently. The context of the study was a work environment, although it certainly applies in other areas of life.

Continue reading… »



Surprising Reason Why Some Women Seek Affairs

By Mike Bundrant

women affairsThis focus of the study mentioned in this post is women who were seeking affairs in a particular manner. So, that’s the starting point.

I do not believe this study has credibility outside the specific population of women whose patterns were analyzed.

At any rate, the new look at why women have affairs reveals a provocative scenario, and raises some big questions.

Traditionally viewed, the role that married women are assumed to take when engaging in extra-marital affairs is thought to be driven by the need for love, emotional intimacy and affection.

Conventional wisdom suggests that women stray outside their marriage because they are emotionally dissatisfied.

Continue reading… »



 
 

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