5 Ways to Reclaim your Dormant Positive Emotions

By Mike Bundrant

Inner Adult

If you believe that negative emotions are the only ones people avoid, consider the following.

A psychological study recently confirmed that depression is not caused by the simple presence of a negative state of mind. There is another huge, overlooked factor.

That factor is the avoidance of positive emotions that you already have.

In other words, each of us experiences natural positive emotions that want to surface every single day. Then, something mind-boggling happens.

When the positive emotions start to rise, they get repressed!

Continue reading… »



How I Lost All Cravings for Junk Food

By Mike Bundrant

foodcollage

Yes, I lost my extreme desire for junk food and for overeating as well.

This wasn’t an act of will. And it wasn’t luck, either.

Losing my cravings for bad food – and for too much food – was the result of something else entirely. And that is what I’d like to explain to you in this article.

Before I get started, let me be clear about a few of things:

1.  I am not about to present a magic formula that promises to end your food cravings. I did not go through a step-by-step process.

2.  I don’t promise that you can do what I did, or that it would “work” for you, even if you attempted my methodology and succeeded.

3.  There is no scientific evidence that I know of that supports my claims. In fact, what I did is not even possible to study scientifically.

4.  I am not suggesting that my food cravings will never return. They haven’t, in fact, and it has been quite some time. Yet there are no guarantees, are there?

5.  Finally, there is a good chance that by the end of this article you will think that I am crazy. I accept.

How’s that for reassurance?

In short, you’re on your own. You and only you can decide if what I am about to relate makes any sense – and whether or not to believe me.

Here’s How It Happened

Over a course of years, I have developed a deep awareness of my feelings. I am 47 years old at this point. At age 24, through the course of my NLP training, I learned that I was almost totally out of touch with my own feelings. I couldn’t tell you what I was feeling. I couldn’t admit when I was afraid, frustrated or angry – or happy, joyful or enthusiastic, either.

I was Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected. No feelings required!

Of course “Mr. Cool” was a facade and I ultimately felt like a fake, especially given my chosen career.

When this hit me, I vowed to get in touch. It took some time. More than 20 years later, I have developed facility with my feelings and am unafraid to confront them, admit what I am going through and deal with feelings honestly.

All the while, though, I couldn’t control my eating. And yo-yo dieting was in full swing.

I wondered one day why, after all I had learned, I still entered an emotional zone of simply not caring about my health. I suffered from health apathy. When I would indulge my cravings, my favorite thing to say was Screw it! Who cares? Then, I’d plunge into the delectable junk.

Why do I not care? Why do I not care? I’d ask myself over and over.

It turns out that this was the wrong question, with no answers that actually helped me stop indulging – or stop craving. When the right question occurred to me, it was a revelation.

I had been studying psychological attachments – those nasty negative motivators that lure us straight into the jaws of misery. So, I began to wonder what negative feelings I was unwittingly reinforcing by my bad eating habits.

I asked myself: What happens after I don’t care and eat too much? What subconscious, state am I feeding?

The answer hit me: Humiliation.

After food indulgence, I always felt humiliated, like I was humiliating myself by my lack of self-control and excess weight. Was I attached to an unresolved feeling of humiliation deep within my psyche? Would that make sense, given my upbringing and choices in adult life?

Yes. More than I can explain.

In fact, I began to notice just how often I interpreted the world in ways that left me feeling humiliated, whether I acknowledged it or not.

• When I’d walk into a room of people, I assumed they would find something wrong with me.

• I insisted on personal perfection. If I made a mistake, especially in public, I’d feel instantly humiliated.

• When I made private mistakes, I was sure that people could tell, wherever I went.

It was like I was bent on finding any reason at all to feel bad, less than and that I didn’t belong.

And I didn’t seem to have a boundary between my thoughts and the thoughts of others. I somehow assumed that I knew what they were thinking – and that I was an open target for their perpetual criticism. It was horrible.

The spare tire around my midsection and the puff beneath my chin were among the high priority targets. I was absolutely embarrassed to go out in public and would suffer through every social encounter.

Not fun.

I was mentally setting myself up to feel humiliated as if I needed it. And, if I am honest, I secretly found a perverse sense of self-justification in all of it. Somehow, it felt right – like this space was where I belonged.

So….I admitted it. I said to myself: All of these years I have been unwittingly seeking out this feeling of humiliation, as if I were addicted to it. I don’t even know how to stop!

Or, to be frank, I didn’t really want to stop.

Then, I took it one mildly insane step further. I made an agreement with myself that if I loved humiliation that much, I’d just give in to it.

I love humiliation! I was raised on it, after all. I’ve been subconsciously seeking it throughout my life, so I’ll just feel it, like it and revel in self-induced humiliation!

As crazy as it sounds, I spent some time really enjoying humiliation. I’d find some reason to feel humiliated and then say: Ooh there it is, that sweet, lowdown feeling that I’ve come to love….

In other words, I STOPPED fearing humiliation.

Rather, I embraced it. Little did I know that this was where the miracle was to begin. You see, humiliation became rather humdrum after a while. I started to think: You know, I could take it or leave it. It just wasn’t a big deal. No reason to avoid it. No reason to seek it out.

And no reason to do anything that ultimately caused me to feel humiliated in the end. That’s when my food cravings came to an end. I’d walk into a convenience store – or my own kitchen – and think: Nah, I don’t really feel like eating. Strange.  And I didn’t feel like it. The lure of ultimate humiliation through food indulgence had passed.

Interestingly, I also stopped obsessing about my weight. I knew the pounds were coming off, but wasn’t impatient about it like I used to be. I didn’t count calories, go on extreme diets or exercise myself into a frenzy.

Given who I am and what I do for a living, I also started introducing this odd approach to my coaching clients. And I recently founded a very different kind of weight loss support group online that I both facilitate and participate in. I knew that if my bizarre discovery worked for me, it would work for many others, too.

This approach is not for everyone, but it works wonders for people who get it. It’s not wrong to think it is ridiculous, of course, but for people who can identify with it, there is a real opportunity to change your life for the better.

It boils down to this: When you discover and embrace the underlying, often twisted motivation for food, you release your attachment to it. Food no longer serves that subconscious purpose. And you are free to enjoy the food you naturally want.

Beyond that, your life greatly improves in other areas as well, as you can imagine.

This is how it worked for me – and for others whom I have mentored. Will it work for you? I don’t know. Maybe it takes believing that it will. Maybe it’s all a grand scheme to outsmart yourself – psychological self-trickery. But it absolutely works for some of us.

And you know what? Life is better because of it. That’s enough for me.

If you want to inquire about our online weight loss support group, contact me via this page. We don’t advertise this group or have a registration page on our site. We screen people who may want to attend to determine appropriateness. So, just be in touch and we’ll figure out if it is right for you.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.



5 Behaviors that Guarantee Self-Doubt

By Mike Bundrant

nacadepressionNobody likes self-doubt, but many of us do things that guarantee that it will be a constant in our lives.

We don’t mean to.

In fact, in a string of self-doubtful years, my entire goal in life was to gain greater self-confidence. It turned out that many of my behaviors (that I thought might help) were chronically backfiring on me.

Your greatest tool is awareness of how self-doubt can work. Here are 5 behavior that nearly guarantee that self-doubt will rule your mind.

1. Quick Decisions about Important Things

Marriage, buying a house, making a career change….these are big decisions that help determine your quality of life. It’s amazing how quickly some of us make them.

Getting married after you’ve known someone for a few short weeks.
Buying a house after shopping around for a day.
Starting a business without taking the time to really assess the market and your own financials.

Continue reading… »



Top 5 Self-Sabotaging Habits to Stop Right Now

By Mike Bundrant

More than 150 people and counting have taken at least one of our new email coaching programs. Hope and I have learned a lot about the self-sabotaging habits that people tend to struggle with.

woman knock outI’d like to share the top 5 self-sabotaging habits with you, with a few key insights about each.

First, a self-sabotaging habit is a recurring behavior that takes us in the opposite direction of fulfillment and happiness. Knowing this, you’d think all of us would simply stop.

Yet, experience with clients and in our own lives tells us that it’s not that simple in practice.

Yes, by all means, STOP your self-sabotage. Just quit it.

And when you can’t seem to get yourself to simply do that, seek education and guidance. You’ll need it. When you just cannot keep yourself from doing things that cause you harm, then you need more information and guidance.

Continue reading… »



Is Your Pleasure Principle All Jacked Up?

By Mike Bundrant

shrug1The pleasure principle suggests that people seek pleasure and avoid pain. It’s the theoretical motivation behind human behavior. 

It makes perfect sense. Or does it?

Why do people make choices, then, that lead to pain?

For example, a woman has been dating a guy who has shown all the red flags. He won’t admit mistakes. He shows little interest in her. He’s had that angry, dangerous look in his eye more than once.

Yet, she keeps on dating him, upping the ante until his true colors blossom in the form of hurt and rejection.

Or, a man knows that if he just does his duties around the house, his wife will stop nagging him. He knows because he’s experienced this. Yet, he drags his feet, watches TV or tinkers in the garage until she’s so frustrated that she becomes a broken record of nag.

He hates the nagging more than anything. It makes him feel controlled. Yet, he keeps doing the very things that invite more nagging into his life.

Or, you see the plate of donuts and cakes in front of you. Of course, you know that if you indulge, those pastries will leave you feeling bloated and sick. On top of that, you’ll feel like you’ve let yourself down again – like a loser.

Yet, you eat.

What’s going on?

Continue reading… »



20 Ways You Might Be Punishing Yourself

By Mike Bundrant

self -punishmentMany issues we face would make much more sense if we simply admitted up front that we feel we deserve to be punished.

And our various problem behaviors and feelings serve that purpose.

Seriously.

At least we’d be starting from a practical and productive place.

Instead, most of us start to solve personal problems by complaining. Then we play an endless, neurotic game of cat and mouse with our psyche that leads nowhere. I’ve done my share of this, believe me.

Let’s stop the shenanigans and cut to the chase.

Continue reading… »



5 Ways To Discover Your Inner Truth

By Mike Bundrant

hugs from a young womanWhen you live with awareness of your inner truth, you are living your best possible life.

It’s a shame that we so often overlook what’s deep inside of ourselves, in pursuit of external validation. We crave possessions and worldly success. We crave validation from others. Our attention is ever diverted away from what’s going on inside. Why?

Because it’s not a bowl of cherries in there.

As much as we know that, deep down, we are innocent, vulnerable and sweet, there is often a wall of negativity and self-sabotage that stands in the way of our deeper truth.

It is this wall of negativity that you must penetrate if you want to live in touch with your true self. How do you go about it?

When the negative thoughts within harangue you, try these 5 methods for moving past them…

1. Write it down

Try it. Take a paper and pen, then begin recording the stream of thoughts that pass through your mind. Don’t attempt to edit your thoughts…just write. When the stream of thoughts is coming to an end, ask yourself, “How do I sum all this up?” Then, record the next thing that comes to mind.

This final thought is a worth knowing. If it is positive, then you’ve just handed yourself a piece of inspiration. If it’s negative, then you now have a negative belief to address that may be getting in your way. Address it!

2. Complete the sentence

Complete the following sentence with at least three answers that come to mind:

What I most need to know about myself is….

One of the answers will probably point in a productive direction in your growth as a person. If it’s positive, take inspiration. If it’s negative, find your humility and take on the challenge of dealing with it.

3. Ask for feedback

There are people in your life that know you and care about you. When was the last time you asked one of them for personal feedback? Most of us never act proactively to learn from one of the best resources around – other people.

Ask a trusted friend:

What do you think is one of my finest qualities?

What do you think I need to work on as a person?

Ask sincerely. If you’re bold enough to inquire, you’ll learn more about who you are through the eyes of others.

4. Find your purpose

It’s not as difficult as it might seem. Here’s on thing to try. Take out a sheet of paper and put at the top: My Purpose in Life, For Now, Is……

Then, write! Keep writing until you hit on an idea that grabs you, emotionally. Yes, get past all the surface thoughts and you’ll soon come across an idea that sparks deeper emotions in you. Stop there. You may have just run across something valuable. Savor that thought. It could be your purpose at this time in your life.

5. Ground yourself and listen

I believe that all of us have the inner wisdom we need – if we will listen. Again, it’s the negative voices inside that tend to drown out the deeper message. One good way to get past these voices is to ground yourself before turning your attention inward.

Here’s how to do it: Sit comfortably and listen to the background sounds in the room. They might include the sound of a fan blowing, your computer humming or the sound of distant traffic. Pick one mundane, consistent background noise – white noise. Just listen to it until you feel a slight settling within yourself.

After you settle, then turn your attention inward and simply listen for any words of wisdom you need at this time. Try it!

Yes, it all takes a little conscious effort. Surprisingly little! Yet, what’s more surprising, given the rewards, is that so few of us are willing to put in that effort.

But you will, won’t you?

The other option is to get some direct, personal coaching. This personalized email coaching program is a great way to introduce yourself to deeper truths lurking within yourself.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.



7 Prompts that Initiate Healing from the Inside Out

By Mike Bundrant

ladderthroughkeyholeIt’s the one principle that all spiritual and non-spiritual disciplines share:

Healing occurs from the inside out.

But how do you do it?

The hardest part is squaring yourself what the fact that you’ve got issue. This is difficult for all of us. Our ego gets in the way, neck-deep in denial, and, well, say goodbye to any transforming insight.

In that vein, here are some ways to get your deeper mind to reveal the issues you may need to face. Again, this is the most challenging part of the battle. However, merely shining light on the issues initiates the healing process.

I’ve written another post on how to work with thoughts and feelings on the inside once your attention is there, where it needs to be. Check it out here. It even comes with a free worksheet.

Continue reading… »



4 Things to Remember When the Going Gets Tough

By Mike Bundrant

SeniorwomanWhen the going gets tough, smart people make a choice.

The choice often involves two options:

1.    Persist (the tough get going)

2.    Quit (which is often a smart thing to do)

It’s difficult to know which is the smarter choice, so I’ve written an entire life skills post about this (it even includes a free worksheet).

For this post, we’ll assume that the smart choice for you is to keep going in spite of how difficult things have become.

Here are four things to remember as you persist in your chosen direction.

1. You’re choosing this.

If you’re working on a goal or solving a problem in your life, it can help to realize the point at which you chose to do exactly what you’re doing. Otherwise it might be tempting for you to consider yourself a victim, which would be really bad news.

If you’re working on a goal, you chose that goal.

If you’re facing challenges in a relationship, you’re choosing the relationship. (Even if it’s your parents or siblings, you’re now choosing to remain involved with them).

If you’re dealing with a challenges at work, you chose your job. Even if it’s unfair, you’re choosing to go along (and it may be a necessary choice).

Getting in touch with the free choice you made – or are actively making – is empowering. Don’t be a victim. It will sap your strength.

2. Asking for help is a noble thing.

Refusing to ask for help denies you access to a world of resources that you need. Chances are there people who want to support you. Are you asking?

Often, we don’t ask for help because we’re too proud. We’re embarrassed that we can’t do it all on our own. This is self-sabotage – a path to failure. If it’s your ego you are concerned about, then you should definitely ask for help when you need it. You’re much more likely to be successful.

3. You have built in resources for this.

Most of us have deeper mental and emotional resources than we typically use on an average day. Is it time to access yours in a stronger, more effective way. You can do so by following this simple NLP-based formula:

a.  Identify which resource you need. Let’s say you need more determination.

b. Remember a time when you felt totally determined.

c. Step back into that memory, seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard and feeling what you felt at the time. Recapture your determination through this memory!

d. With the feeling of determination resuscitated inside you, consider how you are going t put it to use now.

4. It could always be worse.

This one is cliche, I know. But there is a reason why this one gets overused. It’s because we so often get caught up in our own narcissistic experience.  And we lose sight of the fact that even our worst days are far, far better than people in the world who are suffering the most. And of course, our modern lives are just plain easy compared to the lives of our ancestors.

It could be worse. Be thankful it’s not. Keep going with a small degree of gratitude that you have it so good.

Additional Resources:

Like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

If persisting or self-discipline is an issue for you, address the underlying self-sabotage issue by watching this enlightening free video.

Read the article that discusses the choices between persisting and quitting – these are important life skills. The article is called 3 Synergistic Life Skills that will Get you Through any Difficulty.

cut-through-bs



2014: Girls Play Dumb
to Make Boys Feel Better

By Mike Bundrant

Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center for NLP training and personal development.

Teenage boys believe that girls their age should be less intelligent.

Teenage girls agree.

In 2014, teenage boys believe that a smarter, more capable girl makes them less manly.

Teenage girls play along, hiding their intelligence and talents so they don’t intimidate the boys. These are modern day teenagers, grade 8.

girls play dumb

This conclusion came as a result of an extremely unusual research project…

Continue reading… »



 
 

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