She was the daughter of Clark Gable and Loretta Young. She had everything money could buy, yet she suffered the most subtle, the most clandestine, the most horrific maternal Narcissistic Abuse. It ruined her entire life. But in her book, Uncommon Knowledge, Judy Lewis called out something that not a lot of books about narcissism mention: "At a very deep level I believed that I could have only what my mother gave me, and that applied to many things throughout my life." Wow! The concept that my accomplishments, activities, experiences, successes and even relationships are only real and valid if the narcissist validates them is extremely familiar to me!
She went into Big Brother House a week ago with a chip on her shoulder and an agenda a mile wide. She was going to clean up the "horrible, horrible" housemates in the Big Brother House just like the many houses she was famous for cleaning on her TV show. Three days later, she was in tears, claiming they were bullying her. And a finer game of Play-The-Victim I never saw. But is all as it seems?
It's been a decade since my shadow darkened a church door. Church is toxic for me. I'm in detox. Aye, that sums it up: detox! The very word "church" is a poison in my veins, my tissues, my brain, my very bones. "Are you so holier-than-thou?" you may be asking. "Is that why you hate church? Isn't avoiding other believers the very essence of a cult?" I asked myself the same thing. Then I realized: The reason I'm deathly allergic to Church is that my soul, my intuition, my gut senses that it reeks of narcissism.
Nausea. Bile rising in my throat. The very thought of church makes me want to vomit. As my friend wrote, "...narcissists using God...[is] almost enough to make you turn atheist." Damn straight! And yet...and yet...in spite of narcissists creating a hateful, judgmental God-shaped idol in their image, by some miracle, many of us still cling to Him, the Rock of Ages, like a free-climber clinging to a cliff-ace with bruised and bloodied fingernails. We've lost everything and said goodbye to everyone. For many of us, despite everything, He is our last, best hope.
Codependence: The addiction to others' emotions. Well, that's one of many definitions. It's a dynamic so deeply ingrained in the family that it's "normal." It's how one¬†should live, how one¬†should interact with others. Right? Wrong!
"How will you make it on your own?" warbles the intro song of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. "This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone. But it's time you started living. It's time you let someone else do some giving..." Isn't that the perfect soundtrack for escaping from a narcissist!?! It encapsulates the joy and fear of finally being alone and free! "Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it. You might just make it after all!"
Five hundred thousand pageviews. That's half a million pageviews on Narcissism Meets Normalcy since it started in January 2016. I mean, I know some sites get a million hits every day. But hey! We're talking half a mil without resorting to scandal or Kimmy K's internet-breaking derriere. Frankly, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I want to laugh because Narcissism Meets Normalcy has exceeded all expectations. But I also want to cry because there are so many thousands who've been touched and deeply wounded by narcissism.
"I'm so over him / her," combined with a flippant head wag and finger snap seems to be the prevailing sentiment amongst those who have gone No Contact. They may have left a narcissistic husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Often, they're No Contact with their mother, father, siblings and heartbreakingly, sometimes even their own children. Their prevailing sentiment is anger, a secondary emotion. But where is the grief!? I mean, hello! We've lost the most important relationships in our lives! It's like a death. Surely there must also be grief.
I recently ran across a "relationship contract" in a self-help book. Reading it, I suddenly realized that the terms of the contract sounded much like the unspoken wedding vows inherent and implied when you say "I Do" to a narcissist. Here's the kicker: the self-help book wasn't about narcissism. Further on in the article, I'll reveal the source (no peeking ahead!). But first, here's the contract slightly modified, or if you will, "narcissized":