Hello, Jeff. Over the years, I have on occasion sought counseling. It’s usually been a situation where some “current” situation has spiraled out of control, and I’ve reached out for help. I guess you could say I get help in moments of crisis, and once the crisis passes, away I go on my own again. Sometimes I’ve been prescribed anti-depressants…..short term, no refills. Each time, I’ve been told “this will help get you through”….with the doctors also taking the stance that whatever is going on is a short term thing, so no need for long term meds. I haven’t yet found a counselor / therapist / p-doc who really even tried to address the fact that my thoughts & feelings have been a part of me for…forever. It’s more a feeling of well….this person is coping most of the time, is functional, not actively suicidal, able to have relationships and hold down a job….so….here’s a pill….see ya around.

Just as in my youth, I’ve not noticed any benefits / changes when on anti-depressants. I might as well be popping M&M’s. Anti anxiety meds DO help me. I don’t have a long-term prescription for those, either, tho. When I’ve been given those, it was always as a “take as needed” basis. For those rare times when I totally lose it completely, “take one of these, and 15 minutes later you’ll get a grip.” Which has proven true. I do like anti-anxiety meds.

For the rest of it….I look on it as a life-long incurable illness. This is me, this is who I am, this is how I am, this is something I just have to carry with me. Yes, my past has marked me, but my “present” is determined by my actions, and my “future” will be what I make of it. Sure, it might have been different “if….” – but it is what it is. Bottom line – I guess after all these years of lack of treatment / ineffective treatment, I’m resigned to living as I do….I enjoy life when I can, but life is just something to …endure, until it’s over.