One of the hardest things about someone in the family having bipolar disorder is that it’s not an illness that can be managed just by popping a pill. It requires lifestyle changes, and for the person who has bipolar disorder to be successful in their treatment, everyone else in the family needs to adopt those lifestyle changes also.

This point has hit home especially hard since I found out that I have celiac disease. At first, to lessen the changes for my family, I tried going gluten-free just myself and allowing everyone else to eat any food they wanted, without the burden of reading labels. But I was soon confronted with mighty temptation, issues with cross-contamination, and the extra cost and time and energy needed to make a “regular” dish and a gluten-free dish for every meal.

So, last week, after a long talk with my husband, we decided to purge the kitchen of all food items that I cannot eat and that everyone in the family will be eating gluten-free, too.

During this same period of time, my husband was off work for a week or so – he builds houses for a living, and business is slower in the winter months – and he was able to get a full night’s sleep, consistently. We both started seeing a great improvement in his mood stability, and I mentioned to him that perhaps we revisit the idea of him going to bed earlier in the evening so that he can get more sleep every night. His concern was that by going to bed at 8 p.m., he would miss out on family time. So, I said that everyone would be going to bed at 8 p.m.

Another change being put into place family-wide is that I am now helping him to pack his lunches for the workday. He doesn’t have celiac disease or any nutritional disorder, but he’s as guilty as anyone of downing a package or two of convenience foods or fast food when he’s on the go. Everyone can benefit from eating more healthily. So I’m getting up at 5 a.m. when he gets up to get ready for work, so I can cook him an omelette or other full-bodied breakfast and to make sure that he’s getting all the food groups in his lunchbox.

For a while there, perhaps because I wasn’t feeling well myself, my husband and I got stuck in a rut of reacting to his mood swings. He would come home depressed, and I’d react. He would spin up into mania, and I’d react. Now, we’re trying to get back to a proactive approach. We’re trying to sort through the symptoms – what is bipolar and what is attention deficit disorder and what is narcolepsy and what is sleep apnea and what is something else, like a cold virus or simply being tired from a long day at work?

I’m paying closer attention to his symptoms. I believe that I’ve been attributing every sign of a possible depression or mania as a certainty that he is in one of those mood episodes, when the truth is, not every sign of a mood swing is in fact a sign of a mood swing. Sometimes – or as I’m finding out, many times – it’s just a sign that he’s having a harder day.

For example, yesterday he was acting off in the morning and I thought for sure he was dipping into a depression. But, rather than morph into depression-survival mode, I started asking questions about how he felt. I learned that he had woken up feeling fine but started feeling tired and easily confused a few hours later. Then, he started seeing spots in his field of vision and a headache came on. Oh, now I knew what was going on – a migraine. Not a bipolar episode.

A diagnosis of bipolar in one family member affects the entire family. But rather than seeing only the negative parts of bipolar – ugh, Dad can’t go on vacation right now or he’ll get ill, so no one can! – try to focus on the “good” part of bipolar: the renewed emphasis in healthy living for the entire family. Everyone will be eating better and sleeping a full night’s sleep and learning better problem-solving and money-management skills. It’s important to look at the positive side of any situation. It makes it easier to deal with the negative parts.

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    Last reviewed: 25 Jan 2012