The Gifts of Imperfection: A Mini-Memoir

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

make peace with imperfectionA family of four, with two young boys, walked into a Chinese restaurant. The family was sat at a table adjacent to a couple of older women who had already been eating their food. From time to time the father would catch the woman at the nearby table looking over at his family and shaking her head in what seemed like judgement. He was confused, what was she so disapproving of? This happened about two more times. Unnerved a bit, he noted this interaction to his wife. Before the food came he got up to bring his boys to the bathroom to wash their hands and as he did this she stared him down one more time and shook her head in what felt like disgust.

This father was me and this woman had broken through my mindful barrier and cued my fight or flight response.

I used all kinds of effort to stay present and mindful, but it was as if I was possessed and something inside of me was fighting to come out.

Continue reading… »



Five Reasons Why Men Should Start Practicing Mindfulness

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

MENFrom my experience the gender that is overwhelmingly attracted to mindfulness is women, men aren’t quite as attracted to it. Why   is this? In the early days, the man’s greatest responsibility was to protect the tribe. Our brains have been crafted over thousands     and thousands of years to guard against vulnerability. The problem with mindfulness for men is that the practice of it asks us to look toward and open up to vulnerability because that is where the gold is. We are also asked to relate to it in very feminine language like with “warmth,” “tenderness,” and “gentleness.” However, the physical threats that men were guarding against in the past, in most cases, are no longer the threats of modern day. But the brain hasn’t figured this out yet and treats emotional vulnerability as a threat, keeping men from truly reaching our highest human potential.

But things are changing! There is an evolution afoot as more men are starting to see the benefits of integrating mindfulness into daily life.

If you’re a man or you know one, here are five reasons why I think men should give mindfulness a try.

Continue reading… »



Compassion Made Simple

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

dogWhen you’re focused on any activity, whether it’s your email, listening to a friend or sitting in a formal meditation practice, your mind is bound to wander. In The Now Effect I introduce the phrase “See, Touch, Go” as a way to remember how to work with the wandering mind. When it wanders we “See” that it wandered, then we “Touch” or spend a moment with the thought, and “Gently Go” back to the initial intention. Recently a friend opened my eyes to how this phrase can be adapted to be a simple and practical way to strengthen a more compassionate brain.

I can’t wait to share it with you.

Continue reading… »



The Power of Belief: Why You Have Exactly What You Need to Heal

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

flyerRecent I had an eye opening dream while I was asleep.

I was in a war torn region and superheroes existed (Keep in mind I have a couple younger kids).

I was injured somehow, but some of these superheroes were telling me I could fly.

As I tried to fly, I felt a little lift but kept falling.

A few people who were the enemy were chasing me and I was afraid. I ran and tried to fly, but couldn’t get that far (At this point you are welcome to psychoanalyze me).

The superheroes told me:

“You have to believe, believe you can fly and you can do it.”

At that point I decided to risk it, I leaned it a bit further and took a leap (literally and figuratively), believing that if I did this I would fly.

Lo’ and behold I was up in the air flying around. I couldn’t believe it.

As the dream continued I was able to help some people, but I would lose my belief from time to time and had trouble getting up in the air.

I remembered the words, “You have to believe, believe you can fly and you can do it.” I risked again, took the leap…

Continue reading… »



Be 10% Kinder

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

British author Aldous Huxley, most famous for his book Brave New World, spent his life digging into the world’s problems and through that experience inevitably became quite a spiritual man. I guess it rings of Rumi’s quote, “Don’t turn your gaze. Look toward the bandaged place, that’s where the light enters. Late in his life at one of his final public speeches he said something illuminating, “It’s a little embarrassing that after 45 years of research & study, the best advice I can give people is to be a little kinder to each other.”

What would life be like if we each practiced being 10% kinder each day?

10% kinder to ourselves.

10% kinder to one another.

unbinding the heart

Continue reading… »



7 Things Mindful People Do Differently Every Day and How to Begin Now!

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

The intention of being more present in our lives is continuing to grow and touch an increasing amount of people. I have friends who I never would have imagined practicing mindfulness who now sit in daily meditation. When I look at the Seattle Seahawks, think of our Army Vets or politicians sitting in the “Quiet Caucus” room, I’m filled with a whole lot of hope. When I see an increasing amount of kids and teens being taught mindfulness in their schools I see possibility. My wife and I ran a family retreat at Denim N’ Dirt Ranch and long before the deadline it was sold out showing me an increasing desire of parents wanting to bring this into their families. As people start to engage mindfulness I’ve noticed a few things they begin to do differently. 

Here are 7 things people who practice mindfulness do differently:

Practice Being Curious

alive possibel

One of the essential attitudes of mindfulness is beginner’s mind. This is engaging something as if for the very first time. People who practice mindfulness bring this attitude with them throughout the day. When they take a shower, they might imagine it was the first time feeling the water, smelling the soap, or watching the steam as it shifts and changes before their eyes. Novelty is one of the fastest routes to creating new neural connections.

Even a meal or snack becomes a chance to pause and reflect on how this simple peace of food holds everything in it, the earth, wind, rain and sunshine. All the people from around the world who contributed in making the ingredients and putting them together into what it is in that moment. This simple snack becomes a source of gratitude and a moment of recognizing the interconnection of all things.

Abraham Joshua Heschel said, “Life is routine and routine is resistance to wonder.” Curiosity leads the mindful person to get back in touch with the wonders and possibilities of life.

Forgive Themselves

forgive

Continue reading… »



Your Brain’s Greatest Blind Spot to Happiness

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

As fabulous as our brains are, they have their blind spots to happiness. Our brains are wired to chunk data and make things routine so we can handle more complex tasks. But what happens when it applies this method to other human beings or even the people who are dearest to us? When we feel connected, we feel balanced and happy. When we feel disconnected, we feel imbalanced and often unhappy. A little while ago New York Rescue mission tried out a little experiment to see just how invisible the homeless are to most of us. What they found will touch your heart and has implications for all our relationships. 

Here is a short 3-minute video of their experiment:

Continue reading… »



The Neuroscience of Focus: Taking Back Control of Our Minds

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

billboardsScientists John Gaspar and John McDonald from Simon Fraser University in British Columbia have recently discovered that we have an anti-distraction mode in our brain (See an overview here or the actual study here). This means that focusing on what matters moment-to-moment is not only about intentionally paying attention to something, like reading this blog post or listening to a friend, but also about suppressing all of the distractions in the background.

Why is this important to us and what can we do about it?

Continue reading… »



Essential Skills of Mindfulness and More: An Interview with the Authors of Sitting Together

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

glassesI began the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy blog on Psychcentral.com over 5 years ago now. Since then I’ve written hundreds of posts on the intersection of mindfulness and psychotherapy. Recently a new book has been published called Sitting Together: Essential Skills for Mindfulness-Based Psychotherapy. While this is a wonderful and practical guide for therapists, someone who is not a therapist would also benefit from the guidance and exercises.  Today I have the benefit of interviewing the authors of Sitting Together; Susan Pollak, MTS, Ed.D., clinical instructor at Harvard Medical School and president of the Institute of Meditation and Psychotherapy, Thomas Pedulla, LICSW, faculty at the Institute of Meditation and Psychotherapy and Ronald Siegel, Psy.D., author of The Mindfulness Solution and also faculty at the Institute of Meditation and Psychotherapy.  

Today Susan, Ron and Tom talk to us about introductory practices we can use when feeling overwhelmed, when Lovingkindness is best practiced, the critical importance of equanimity and when not to use mindfulness.

Elisha: What do you find to be the most effective introductory practice(s) for a client who is feeling overwhelmed with the stresses of life?

Continue reading… »



The Power of Surrender: Why Giving Up is an Act of Courage and Wisdom

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

In our culture the notion of surrendering has a negative connotation to it. It means you’ve been defeated and that you’re powerless. But if you look to the world’s wisdom traditions you’ll find that the idea of surrendering is a courageous act that creates more insight and freedom from the unnecessary mental struggles of life. 

The 13th century Sufi poet Rumi uses a wonderful metaphor to bring this to life:

Very little grows on jagged rock.

Be ground. Be crumbled,

so wildflowers will come up

where you are.

You’ve been stony for too many years.

Try something different.

Surrender.

Many of us harden into patterns of life that keep the struggle going. We can’t seem to let go of the self-judgment because our brain believes it’s there to keep us in line. We numb out to the world through eating, drinking, over-use of social media, among so many other ways.

Question: Why is our brain so afraid of surrendering our unhealthy patterns of thinking and behaving?

Continue reading… »



 
Books and CDs by Dr. Elisha Goldstein:
Mindfulness Meditations for the Anxious Traveler: Quick Exercises to Calm Your Mind
The Now Effect: How This Moment Can Change The Rest of Your Life

A Mindfulness-Based
Stress Reduction Workbook Mindful Solutions for Stress, Anxiety and Depression
 

Subscribe to this Blog:
Feed


Or Get a Single, Daily Email (enter email address):

via FeedBurner



Most Popular Posts
Recent Comments
  • penny: That was Brilliant. If one did not have good role models growing up you don’t learn good EQ. And this...
  • Margaret D. Sayers, Ph.D.: Love this post. Here are my thoughts on what children need: http://wkwutk.wordpress.com...
  • sharon and matt: My father is a Southern Baptist, my sister has two beautiful boys with her Jewish husband, I, Matt,...
  • Karen: Thank you for a timely and insightful article. I love the reminders to practice self-compassion and to let the...
  • Tap Into Yourself: Elisha, what a wonderful collection of lessons. I especially like #3, something I experienced...
Subscribe to Our Weekly Newsletter

Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code



Users Online: 12240
Join Us Now!