Question: What is the 3-step mindfulness approach to help us navigate difficult changes in our lives while opening up to our creativity in everyday life?  

Ron: In my new book, Wise Mind, Open Mind I discuss a three step process that combines mindfulness meditation, creative thinking and positive psychology to help readers to let go of their past; tune into the present and their core creativity; and move forward with passion and purpose.  This approach allows one to focus on the building of their “mindstrength” — the ability to very quickly and easily shift out of a reactive mode and become fully present in the moment, experiencing the full force of your emotions even as you recognize that they are temporary and will soon dissipate.

Question: In your book you have a wonderful discussion of something we can all relate to…resistance. Can you tell us a bit about the “payoffs of resistance” to us?

Ron: I believe there are five basic payoffs of resistance.  First by resisting change, we can avoid the unknown. What’s familiar may not be terribly comfortable, but sometimes it seems that the devil we know is better than the devil we don’t know. We fear that venturing into the unknown will cause us to discover painful secrets about the world and ourselves that have been hidden from us.   Secondly we can avoid being judged as “strange.” When parents are frightened by their child’s differentness, labeling them as “strange,” they’ll usually try to stifle his creativity. The child, sensing their disapproval and fearing abandonment, can shut down his creative flow and then either tries to conform to his parents’ expectations or acts out, claiming not to care what anyone thinks of him. 

Another payoff is that we can avoid failure. When we fear failure, we tend to overestimate the risk we’re taking and imagine the worst possible scenario-the emotional equivalent of our parents deserting us as children.  The fourth one is we can avoid success. Strange though it may seem, a fear of success can cause as much resistance to change as a fear of failure can. While you may consciously long for a promotion or hope that your romantic relationship will result in marriage, unconsciously you may be afraid of what will happen if these changes occur. The last payoff is that we can avoid feeling guilty. If we take a risk and make a change, we may feel guilty because we’re contradicting what others think we should or shouldn’t be doing with our lives.

Question: How can we move beyond our resistance and access our “core creativity?”

Ron: I list many ways to access one’s core creativity in my book.  One of the most effective ways though is through mindfulness practice. Mindfulness allows us to listen and pay attention to what we might otherwise overlook-whether it’s a fresh idea or a new way of perceiving a situation-enhancing our creativity and letting go of our obstacles to innovation.  I also encourage my patients to dabble in the Arts. Simply dabbling in the fine arts, with no specific goals or intentions, awakens our ability to approach life with greater openness and curiosity. If you feel that you simply have no creative abilities, consider your dreams. Most nights, your mind generates at least a few fantastical images that you can recall upon waking if you slowly bring yourself back into consciousness with the intent of remembering your dreams. I often ask my clients to work with the images of their dreams by meditating on them, writing about them, and exploring them to see what ideas and insights they have to offer. 

Another way to access your core creativity is through Mindful Movement.  Disciplines such as martial arts, tai chi, and yoga are the most well-known ways of quieting the rational mind and opening up to the intuitive mind and its connection to the numinous creative force. Any physical activity that involves discipline and a slowing down of thoughts, from skiing to dance, actually creates new neural pathways in your brain that become roads to innovation.  Finally you need to trust in the creative process.   Artists are often seen as flighty, but in my experience the most successful ones are extremely disciplined. When blocked, they aren’t afraid to shift gears, to take a walk or a long retreat, to pick up a pen instead of a guitar, to break the formula of how they’ve always chosen to connect to their creativity by trying something entirely different. Trusting that they’ll tap into that flow, they persevere long past the point when others would give up.

Question: One of the five hindrances to making change is restlessness. I see this over and over again with the people I work with. Can you explain this a bit and also how to move through it?

Ron: Well on the surface, restlessness may seem like a positive state, because it inspires you to keep moving instead of becoming stagnant. Creative artists talk about having an “itch” or urge to get back into their music or art studio. What they’re describing is a form of creative motivation that’s quite different from restlessness. Most often restlessness is simply undirected, unproductive action, such as puttering or flitting about from one activity to the next, never completing a task. In Buddhist psychology, we refer to this affliction of mind as “monkey mind.”

The hindrance of restlessness can be remedied with comfort and relaxation. Mindfulness meditation can uncover the source of restlessness so that it can be addressed.  It is likely to bring up to the surface of the water the churning thoughts and emotions that have been causing a disturbance from underneath, but after you’ve dealt with them, you can meditate on the remedy of comfort. Generating a feeling of comfort allows the mind’s frenzied activity to slow down, and triggers the sympathetic nervous system to begin releasing calming hormones into the body and slow your heart rate and breathing. In my book I describe the Comfort Meditation that can be used as an antidote at any time.

Question: If you were sitting across the table from someone who was struggling with bringing out their wise and open mind, what advice would you give to them?

Ron: Whether you know you’re ready to change or sense that you should, whether you’re struggling to accept that your circumstances have shifted or you’re feeling stuck or blocked by an unknown force and unable to move forward, it’s important to recognize that change is unavoidable. Life is continually in flux, and even that which seems immutable can be destroyed or altered in an instant. The Buddhists refer to this as the law of impermanence. Nothing stays the same, not even the rocks and the mountains, which rain, snow, and rivers sculpt over time. Each day, millions of your body’s cells die while millions more are born. Stasis is an illusion our egos create to fend off the fear of change.

When change is not your choice, you can’t avoid suffering, but you can choose to view the change as an avenue to personal evolution. You can push aside your perceived limitations and let go of the habits that have provided you with comfort, familiarity, and a false sense of safety, and go forth with fear in check, using creativity to illuminate new paths. You can break out of the dynamic of push and pull, of desire for change and resistance to it, and step past the boundaries of the known. You can recognize that while you may attain some comfort from the habit of trying to control the flow of your life, clinging to the familiar also breeds boredom and discontent. It prevents you from fully inhabiting your life and keeps you mired in regret. It keeps you small.

The secret to successful reinvention is knowing that you don’t have to greet change with apprehension and resistance, focusing on the potential for suffering, because if you take that route, you experience the very suffering you’d hoped to avoid. When it’s time for change, whether you’re losing a loved one, your perfect health, the job you loved, or the lifestyle you enjoyed, you have the opportunity to make your life even better than it is, as unfathomable as that may seem at first.

Thank you Ron!

Please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us to benefit from.

Obviously being the host of The Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog, I am a big fan of living a mindful life. It is a way of life for me and has been life changing.

But wait; there is a danger in things that become popular in any capitalistic world. People can see something that is sell-able and as a result will exploit it in the hopes of reaping economic rewards.

There are pros and cons to this. The pros is that is gets the words out, how wonderful that so many people are learning about being more present to life and becoming introduced to being more aware of their minds. This is a very good thing we might say.

However, the cons are when people begin to use mindfulness with the primary purpose of cashing in on the popularity. In this respect, it becomes shallow and the real rewards of becoming more intimate with life becomes a far and distant dream. Some people get dragged into their narcissistic tendencies, craving to be recognized and to be famous and the shallow nature of this leads to a lack of efficacy in the practice.

It’s inevitable that Mindfulness, Inc. is already occurring and will continue to grow. Remember, this isn’t a bad thing in itself. It has wonderful consequences, but it’s important to be aware that with this will also bring some mindfulness approaches that are promising a “quick-fix” in service of the “quick-buck” and will lack depth.

Remember this, while mindfulness has its practices that we can all learn and cultivate a discipline with, it really can be considered a way of approaching life; Learning how to relate to our stress and pain differently with greater kindness and compassion. The instructions may be simple, but it is not always easy. But that’s ok, because we have our entire lives to keep coming back when we’ve strayed.

It’s our most incessant habit to judge, criticize and berate ourselves for “not doing something right” or “as I should be doing it.”

One instruction I often tell to people is that, even if you have strayed from practicing being mindful for quite some time, the moment you noticed you have strayed, you are present! That is the practice. And, it’s just as important to remember to be kind to yourself for straying and gently guiding yourself back to practicing, as it is to practice. Beginning to integrate this new way of relating yourself is a big part of this new of relating to yourself or this new “way of life.”

At the end of the day, marketing is important because it helps get the word out. However, if you get a sense that there is a shallow nature to the way mindfulness is being taught by someone, know this is not a reflection of mindfulness, but perhaps the way it is being taught. Trust your experience and insight as this is truly your greatest teacher.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interaction here provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Often times the day seems to become routine and before we know it piles of responsibilities from work and home have stacked up and we feel like chickens running around with their heads cut off.

I suggest taking a couple minutes to practice the video below 2-3 times a day for a week to come down from the busy mind, focus your attention, ground to the present moment and refocus to what you’re really intending to pay attention to in the moment. It may help to actually put it in your calendar at first.

When can you practice? Look for the “in-between” moments. These are moments before you are about to take a break or while you’re waiting for someone. As you get the hang of this you won’t need this video and can practice it when parked in the car, in the bathroom, or while waiting in line.

Note: When the mind says, “forget it, this isn’t going to work,” as much as possible, just note that judgment as a mental event in the mind that is happy to keep you at status quo. Your work is to become aware of these types of thoughts, let them be, and come back to this practice.

Click through to see the video…

May you be well…

As always, please share your thoughts, questions, and stories below. Your interaction here provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Question: Vimala, many people struggle with the issue of low self esteem and harsh critical self-judgments. In your most recent book, Transform Your Life through Handwriting, you guide people through a program to change the way their minds think by mindfully tuning into the stroke of their pens. How does this work?

Vimala: As a Psychologist, you know that it is the subconscious mind that interprets what happens to us, and from that, it dictates who we see ourselves to be (i.e., our self image), not who we ARE. It is not the hand per se, but this same subconscious mind who moves our pen to reaffirm this. Each stroke of the pen makes a statement about the image we hold of ourselves. By adopting Self-affirming writing patterns we redefine that self-image in a positive way. It takes 40 days of committed writing to realign the neurological patterns in the brain. In scientific jargon, this is called “cortical remapping,” or the brain’s ability to rewire itself.

Question: Tell us how handwriting can be a kind of meditation or yoga?

Vimala: Each letter in The Vimala Alphabet is soul-based. In other words, as we move the pen, each letter is designed to access the noblest part of the psyche. As writers use this alphabet on a regular basis, each stroke of the pen awakens them to an awareness of what is commonly called their “Highest Self.”  If you’ve studied Yoga, as I have for over 30 years, you know that Yoga is not a religion, nor do you have to turn and twist your body in an unusual fashion or breathe funny. (Thank heaven!) Yoga is a way of life. It invites us to align our thoughts, interactions, and choices with our highest nature, from moment to moment to moment.

It is based on these simple principles: “Stay in tune with your Highest Self, however you define it; many people call it God, You choose. Make it a fun relationship, as you would with a dear friend. Don’t judge; laugh warmly; be kind; show respect and gratitude freely.” Writing in a Self-affirming way supports this lifestyle effortlessly.  This is the reason so many persons say that their “writing time” is like a meditation–because it takes them to an ego-free place inside. This is the single intention from which I designed  The Vimala Alphabet.

Question: As a Psychologist I’m often interested in the intersection between practice and the brain’s development. You mention that it takes 40 days for the neurological patterns in the brain to realign themselves while doing this work. Can you give us some insight into how this works? 

Vimala: Although I could refer you to books on the subject, I’d rather speak from experience, not only mine, but that of hundreds of persons I have coached as students, clients, and friends. I could fill this page with spiritual traditions from around the world that, from time immemorial, have acknowledged the number 40 as the number of transformation. Zoroaster, Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad are those whose names are most familiar. Because I am shy about believing what others claim to be true, I feel the need to experience something for myself. For that reason I experimented again and again to see how long it would take for a particular letter change to take effect in my personality, and invited friends to do the same. For all of us, 40 days was the “magical” number. Since this isn’t about belief, but experience, I invite you to adopt several letters from The Vimala Alphabet to experience this for yourself. I suggest that you focus on the initials of your name.  I’ll be pleased to send you guidelines for daily practice.

Question: Do you ever come across people who say that they don’t write too much anymore because of the advent of computers and typing. If so, what is your response to them?

Vimala: All the time! My usual response is this:  “If your life is working just the way you want it to, don’t bother to pick up a pen…because once you begin writing in a Self-affirming way, doors will fling open to new and thrilling opportunities.” Although I am optimistic by nature, I am also a realist. I have found through experience that most people would like to have the changes occur, but are not willing to set aside time to write each day. I call it the “Magic Wand” syndrome. When, however, I encounter persons who will do anything to have their life turn around–they become the most faithful writers–forever and ever! Gender, profession, it makes no difference; it’s their drivenness to have a life that works for them, that has them move that pen! And, by the way, it works every time. Yes, every time. By the way, by continuing to write in a Self-affirming way, this technology comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Question: If you were sitting across the table from someone today who was struggling from low self esteem, what are some simple steps from your system that you could show that person so they could work with your system toward greater self esteem.

Vimala: First, I would source this attitude by studying the writing patterns. From there, I would suggest three (no more than three) writing changes.  If the advisor, however, were someone who knew little about handwriting, I would have them suggest that the person begin by practicing the initials of their first and last names.  “First name” means the name that appears on their birth certificate.  Nicknames don’t count, nor do middle names, unless they use both first and middle birth name i.e., Mary Lou. “Last name” is never a married name; it is the name that appears on their birth certificate–or, if they’ve been adopted, the last name of their adoptive parents. Once they master these letters, I’d go on to have them begin practicing the lowercase letters in their name. Again, I’ll be pleased to send you guidelines for daily practice. This exercise alone has amazing results in redefining self-esteem! Amazing — and so gratifying.

Thank you Vimala for your insights.

Please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interactions here provide a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

In writing the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog I’d be remiss if I didn’t take the opportunity to explore the real power and potential that a retreat experience offers.

Mindfulness retreats are experiences that are offered all over the country and all over the world that people from all walks of life participate in. Some of these retreats are offered in silence where individual’s are simply guided in a variety of meditation practices throughout the day (including mindful eating), while others may not be in silence.

For example, I lead both kinds of retreats with the one coming up near Santa Monica, Ca on Saturday November 21^st being a mixed retreat focused on emotional resiliency during difficult times. In this retreat participants will be silent part of the time to give a very different experience of being able to go a bit into these practices. While the other part of the day will include doing practices and then processing giving people the opportunity to connect and deepen understanding and insights around what arose.

People lead such retreats all over the country. In Southern California, InsightLA also offers a variety of different retreats. Two other popular centers are Spirit Rock in Northern California and Insight Meditation Society on the East Coast.

Another retreat center that offers donation-based silent retreats is the Goenka Centers all around the world. Most retreats offer a sliding scale so you can afford to come.

Note: Judgments and thoughts often automatically arise in the mind when thinking of a retreat such as “I don’t have time for retreats” or “I don’t deserve this time”, or recently one person brought up the thought “retreats are only for the wealthy.” Often times these thoughts are quite automatic, stemming from some resistance. I would encourage you to explore these thoughts and maybe the resistance that’s there.

One thing we know is that there’s a difference between thoughts and facts. An interpretation sometimes comes up quite automatically as a reaction and at times we can take a pause and take a look at it for validity. Is this thought part of some resistance and if so, what is to be said of Pema Chodron’s quote “When the resistance is gone, the demons are gone.”

It’s a good practice to inquire at times as to where these mental events in the mind are coming from. You might ask, is there something about this I can question or is there another way to see this? Is there fear or shame underlying these thoughts about taking this time out for yourself or maybe right now is truly not the time, but there is some way to plan for it?

One note is that if you are currently suffering from a depressive episode or experiencing any form of hallucinations, then a retreat may be best when this experience has lifted.

If you are interested in deepening your connection to life and appreciate the approach of mindfulness, then taking this time-out maybe be a wonderful gift you can give to yourself.

Please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Have you been on a retreat? Do you know recommend any that you’ve been to? Do you have questions? Your interaction below provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Four months ago I wrote a blog post titled 10 Quotes for a Mindful Day. Since then I began an increasingly popular tradition called Mondays Mindful Quote where every Monday I post a quote that I think has some relevance to Mindfulness and Psychotherapy and then explore the quote.

Here is a list of 10 (More) Quotes for a Mindful Day, with some having links back to blog posts where I have explored the quote. There is a lot under these links, so feel free to bookmark this page and come back to it over and again. Enjoy!

1. “You can hold back from suffering of the world,
   you have permission to do so,
   and it is in accordance with your nature,
   but perhaps this very holding back
   is the one suffering you could have avoided.” ~ Franz Kafka

2.  “Don’t turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi
3. “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.”  ~ Henry Ford
4.  “The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of not belonging.” ~ Mother Teresa
5. “Nothing endures but change.” ~ Heraclitus
6. “To be in harmony with the wholeness of things is not to have anxiety over imperfections.” ~ Dogen Zenji
7. “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
8. “Every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.” ~ Viktor Frankl
9. “When the resistance is gone, the demons are gone.” ~ Pema Chodron
10. “You lose your grip and then you slip, Into the masterpiece.” ~ Leonard Cohen

    All of these quotes are reflected in the work done with mindfulness and psychotherapy for emotional healing.

    As always, please share your own quotes, stories, thoughts, and questions below. Your interaction here truly does create a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

Question: In your book, you cite a huge rise in the last 10 years for National Institute of Health (NIH) funded research studies focusing on mindfulness-based therapies for stress, pain, and/or illness.  Can you tell us a bit about why you think there is such growing interest?

Shauna: In both research and clinical environments there is a rapidly growing interest in mindfulness-based approaches.  For example, searches of the scientific literature on PsychINFO and PUBMED using the same term, “mindfulness-based”, yield 260 and 115 published scientific articles, respectively.  And the enthusiasm of funders, grant peer reviewers and the scientific community has followed this trend:  In 2008 there were 44 funded studies in progress; this number has increased from zero in 1998 and only three in 1999.  I believe the interest and increased funding is due in part to the strong body of research conducted by pioneers in the field, such as Kabat-Zinn and Segal, Williams and Teasdale who provided a clear rationale and direction for future research.  I also believe that there is a cultural shift happening and a deep yearning for greater wholeness and health, for both patients and therapists. Mindfulness offers a simple and easily accessible path toward this - mindfulness offers enormous potential and possibility to the field of health care.  

Question: In your book you talk of three different ways mindfulness can integrate into psychotherapy. The first, the mindful therapist, the second, mindfulness-informed therapy, and the third you call mindfulness-based psychotherapy. Can you give us a rundown to what each is and the benefits of each?

Shauna: These three pathways of integrating mindfulness into psychotherapy were coined by Germer, Segal and Fulton and make up what they refer to as Mindfulness-oriented psychotherapy. I believe this is a simple yet nuanced way of delineating different pathways for integrating mindfulness into psychotherapy, and so in our book, we devote a chapter to each one, fleshing it out and including clinical relevance and examples.

The mindful therapist refers to the fact that mindfulness explicitly trains us in qualities essential to being an effective therapist. Across different therapeutic modalities there is little difference in outcome, however across differing therapies and techniques, the therapeutic relationship is predictive of success. To enhance the relationship we need empathy and presence, two skills specifically cultivated through mindfulness. Thus, the “mindful therapist” refers to the fact that by simply practicing mindfulness you are cultivating skills essential for successful therapy. And yet, few clinical training programs explicitly help therapists cultivate these skills. We are told, “Be empathic, pay attention” however we are not taught how to do so. For this reason, I have devoted a great deal of energy empirically studying the effects of mindfulness on therapists in training, as well as working to develop a curriculum of mindfulness for our students that can be embedded within the graduate training program. In this way, students receive explicit training in mindfulness, helping to cultivate the qualities that are essential to effective therapy.

Mindfulness-informed therapy refers to a second pathway of integrating mindfulness, wherein, therapy is informed by insights derived from meditation, mindfulness practice and Buddhist psychology, but formal meditation and mindfulness practices are not taught. At times, the nature of the clinical work, the client or the setting makes it inappropriate or impractical to explicitly teach formal mindfulness practice. In our book, we elucidate specific themes as well as clinical anecdotes to help expand on this idea.

Finally, mindfulness-based therapy refers to the most obvious way of integrating mindfulness into therapy, by explicitly teaching mindfulness practices, either through manualized group interventions such as MBSR and MBCT, or in individual therapy, where practices are tailored to the specific individual client and circumstances.

Question:  You and Dr. Gary Schwartz have come up with a practical model for health:

intention => attention => connection => regulation => order => health.

Can you explain this a bit to the readers who struggle with pain and stress how they might apply it in everyday life?

Shauna: Our model of health suggests that through intentionally, attending and connecting to our experience we cultivate optimal health.

intention => attention => connection => regulation => order => health.

Intentionally cultivating nonjudgmental attention leads to connection, which leads to self-regulation and ultimately to greater order and health. Through mindfulness practice we are able to attend to the information contained in each moment. We gain access to more data, even those data that may have previously been too uncomfortable or painful to examine. We learn to acknowledge and accept pain and stress, and to listen to it with kindness and care. Through attending in this way, we are able to respond with greater skill and wisdom. We are able to attend to the pain, and choose to self-regulate in ways that foster greater health and well-being. Through consciously (intention) bringing awareness (attention) and acceptance (attitude) to experience in the present moment, we are able to use a wider, more adaptive range of coping skills.

Shauna: What do you feel is some of the most exciting research out there today that’s integrating mindfulness into health and mental health?

Neuroplasticity. I believe this single word gives people hope; hope that change is possible. For example, we used to think that we all had a “happiness set point” much like with weight, and that no matter what our circumstances, we would always end up back at baseline. Good scientific evidence substantiates this theory, for example, people who win the lotto or those who are in a terrible accident and become paralyzed, after an initial spike in the expected direction, return to their baseline levels of happiness. Thus it was concluded that we had a happiness set point that was not very moveable. This is great news if you are born happy, however if you aren’t, it leaves you feeling pretty hopeless…And yet the new research in neuroplasticity demonstrates that we can change our level of happiness because we can modify both the activity and structure of our brain through meditation training. Recent research shows that meditation practice increases activity in areas of the brain associated with positive emotion, and shows structural changes in the brain due to long term meditation practice. This new research is quite hopeful, suggesting that although happiness may not change due to external circumstances, changing our internal circumstances, through mindfulness training, can change our level of happiness.

If you were sitting across the table from a person who was struggling with pain and stress in their lives, what words of wisdom would you give to them?

What I keep coming back to again and again is self-compassion. I am awed by the prevalence of what Tara Brach  refers to as the “trance of unworthiness.” I believe so much of our suffering comes from our sense that we are not okay, not loveable, not good. We blame ourselves for causing the pain or stress, or for not coping with it well enough. We go around feeling fundamentally flawed, unworthy and unlovable, and from this place of contraction and self-loathing, there is no space for change. So, if I were sitting across from someone struggling with pain or stress, I would begin with self-love, self-compassion, kindness, tenderness and acceptance.   I would offer that it is possible to relate to ourselves, our experience, this very moment with kindness. This does not mean we like how things are, it simply means we begin where we are, without judgment, blame or shame. We begin with love, trusting that we are fundamentally okay. “O Nobly Born, O you of glorious origins, remember your radiant true nature, the essence of mind”

Thank you so much for all your great work Shauna. As always, please share your thoughts, questions, and stories below. Your interactions here provide a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

How can this be?

She reviews an article titled The Bright Side of Being Blue, by J. Anderson Thompson at the University of Virginia and Paul Andrews at Virginia Commonwealth University who give a scientific argument that:

• Depressive rumination can be good because it allows for analytical thinking that can be important when coming up with a solution for depressed mood. This may be the case, but sometimes the mind’s anxious habit of looking for a solution is exactly what keeps us stuck in depressed mood. The ruminative anxiousness seems to pour kerosene on the fire. At times letting things be, rather than falling into the trap of always having to “do something” about it, is just what the doctor ordered.
• Depression tends to focus thinking. This is one of their findings, but it’s news to me. My experience is that people who suffer from depression feel more clouded and distracted with their thinking making it difficult to even pay attention to reading a magazine or book.
• Depression leads people to seek isolation and this can be good as it allows for the space to think about what might have triggered the depression in the first place and therefore find a way out. She goes onto quote a study citing the importance of writing as an expressive way to come out of depressed mood. This is absolutely true, however the reason writing might be helpful is because it allows us to get our thoughts out on paper and externalize them, taking away the emotional charge of our thoughts and laying to rest their need to swim or “ruminate” in our minds. I’m not sure it’s the isolation that is the key factor here.
• Prescribing rumination is what we need and people need to do is ruminate more, not less. The reason this might be helpful is because it takes away the pressure of constantly fighting the mind to stop ruminating or “finding a solution.” This is a classic technique of allowing the mind to be as it is, even giving it permission to do so. However, there needs to be a limit on this. For example, if you are going to ruminate more, there needs to be a time limit of 30 minutes on it as an example. If the mind still wants to ruminate, then you just tell it that you will give it more time tomorrow to do so, but for now, you’re going to stop. You may have to remind the mind of this over and over, but make sure to give it the time. Taking this struggle away and providing boundaries for the rumination can be enormously helpful.

Here is my take. While I disagree with pieces of the article, I don’t want to totally debunk the idea that there is a bright side to depression, because ultimately, I feel like having had depression gives someone the ability to notice it again in the future which is one of the things that this article is alluding to, have compassion and empathy for others who are struggling, and provides the opportunity for us to learn how to relate to our stress and pain differently. At the end of the day, these are all good nutrition for feeling well.

13^th century Sufi poet Rumi said:

Keep looking 
at the bandaged wound. That’s where 
the light enters you. 

In other words, turning a kind attention to our difficult feelings such as sadness, anger, and even shame is important to learn how to do rather than our traditional habit of suppressing, repressing or always turning toward the “quick fix” to get rid of or avoid them.

With mild depression we have this opportunity, but with major depression, this seems like a distant possibility and at times we may need to distract ourselves to get a place where we are able to find the bright side of depression.

As always, please share your stories, thoughts and questions below. Your interaction here provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

 “You can hold back from suffering of the world,

you have permission to do so,

and it is in accordance with your nature,

but perhaps this very holding back

is the one suffering you could have avoided.”

In a recent blog, Mindful Monday: A Note to the Severely Depressed–Don’t Try So Hard, author Therese Borchard wrote about her first hand experience with trying to get out of a depressed state through her bag of mindfulness and CBT tricks. What she found was the harder she tried and was unable to succeed the more her judgments about being a “failure” grew.

What her doctor’s told her was when you are in the eye of a depressive episode, “distract, don’t think.”

When we’re really depressed, the mind is searching for things “to do” in order to get us out. However, this is a trap, especially when we’re really depressed. The harder we try, the more stuck we get.

Why?

Because it’s a set up.

The moment we’re reaching for mindfulness practices as a means to an end, as a means in that moment to feel better, get out of depression, or achieve calm, is the moment our minds develop the rule: “If I don’t see any relief come from this, then I am a failure, or there must be something wrong with me.”

From then on, the mind becomes vigilant in looking for relief and every moment it is not found, is a moment that is laced with self judgment which digs us deeper into depression.

Also, with a depressive episode, the stronghold of automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) is so powerful in that moment that it is almost as if we are wearing permanent shaded glasses so no matter what we “do” the outcome is tinted with self judgment.

In our Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) groups for depressive relapse, we make sure that people who are beginning the group are not currently in a depressive episode for this very reason. The trap is created and often what we need when we’re feeling depressed is physical movement, contact with people, and actions toward self kindness (even if our minds tell us we don’t deserve it).

So Kafka tells us that the very desperate striving to try and get away from our pain is the very suffering that may have been avoided.

In other words, Therese has it right. When we are already depressed and “trying too hard,” to use these techniques, we are likely using them in service of  avoiding pain and therefore not having that initial opportunity to see it for what it is. In her case, a biological condition that is best treated with distraction in these moments.

When we don’t have that initial recognition and we use “try too hard” using mindfulness or CBT to avoid it, this creates a tension, a dissonance with the way things are which adds to cauldron of not feeling well.  

However, the caveat here is that as long as we recognize and acknowledge that we are suffering in any particular moment, we are no longer ignoring it. With this initial awareness we can see the depressive episode for what it might be, perhaps a chemical imbalance in the moment.

Then we can make a choice to do as Therese mentions “distract” or shift our focus to things that are on our anti-depressant check list such as seeking connection, be around people, be kind to yourself, play with your animal, or get outside and take a walk.

More than anything, trust your experience. There is no one way for everyone, become intimate with what is supportive for you during difficult times.

What is supportive for you? Please share your stories, thoughts, suggestions, and questions below. Your interaction here provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

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Question:  Tara, you put a lot of work out there that incorporates mindfulness and psychotherapy. Your newest being the upcoming CD Meditations for Emotional Healing: Finding Freedom in the Face of Difficulty . From all of these, can you give us 5 key elements emphasized in emotional healing and spiritual freedom?

1. Aspiration - The entire spiritual path arises out of our sincere aspiration to awaken. As one Zen master put it, “The most important thing is remembering the most important thing.”  We each have our own way of sensing what is most important.  It may be to be present, to know who you really are, to love without holding back, or to help others be free of suffering. Try to begin the day by reflecting in a fresh way on your aspiration, and pause through the day to remember what matters. This remembering will wake you up from the daily trance and energize your unfolding towards freedom.
2. Daily practice - A daily meditation practice is a gift to your spirit.  Even if it is for a short time, take the time and space to intentionally be intimate with your own experience.  This will create a remembering through the day, more moments of presence and freedom. Click here to get Tara’s free EBook, How to Meditate.       
   
3. Recognizing Thoughts - The trance of feeling separate and deficient is sustained by thought.  An essential part of spiritual training is to become mindful of thinking.  This does not mean eliminating thought-the mind is a precious, creative, and a wondrous part of what you are.  But when you are regularly lost in thought, you lose access to your own vitality and the mystery you are part of. During formal meditation and throughout the day, have the intention to recognize thinking and make yourself at home in the actual experience of your senses.  Become deeply aware of the difference between any thought, and living presence.
4. Community - The spiritual path is not a solo endeavor.  In fact, the very notion of a self who is trying to free her/himself is a delusion.  We are in it together and the company of spiritual friends helps us realize our interconnectedness.   If you are not in an area where there are ready-made meditation groups, try to find a few people who are sincere about awakening and would like to meditate together and support each other on the path.
5. Self-Compassion - There are two key ingredients in self-compassion.  The first is a willingness to directly feel the suffering you are living with.  By this I mean to contact the actual physical sense of “ouch” undiluted by thoughts like “I deserve this” or “Others have it much worse.”  The second is offering care to the place of woundedness.  It can be powerful and healing to put your hand gently on your heart and send a message of care inward.  If it is hard to offer yourself care, imagine someone that loves you beholding the suffering and sending compassion to your heart. Gradually you will sense that compassion as part of your own Being.

Thank you so much once again Tara for your wisdom and insights to support us in our health and well-being.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interactions create a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.