Some say the fact that most of us are so filled with self-judgment is an evolutionary impulse to keep us safe from danger. If the mind is constantly on the lookout for what’s wrong, we’re more likely to be prepared for it.

Ralph Waldo Emerson lays out the problem:

“Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.”

Or maybe Nelson Mandela echoing Marianne Williamson’s words says it best:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

Very good question Marianne.

Whether it’s an evolutionary automatic negativity bias or a developmentally constructed belief system from wounding as a child or both, the fact is, many of us are afraid of our own light. Something in us heavily guards against it saying, “I can’t do that,” or “I’m no good at this,” or “That’s not important.” And then the shadow is created.

A few days ago while waking up in the morning I found myself automatically drawn to making my morning coffee and checking the email on my phone. There was my 2 year old little boy playing beside me as I sipped my warm drink. A thought popped in my mind, “Why are you checking your email when you could be enjoying your coffee and this sweet moment with your little boy next to you?” “Good question,” I replied to myself as I put down the phone and tuned into the morning.

But something interesting followed.

As this New Year dawns on us, how about we don’t set rigid New Year’s resolutions, but instead see this year as a practice. There is some implied rule within resolutions that we’ll actually stick to them and when we don’t, we set ourselves up for the same old habitual mind traps that have kept us stuck in the past.

“I’ve failed once again,” arises, leading to a sense of sluggishness and the next thought, “What’s the point?”

There’s another way.

It’s important to set goals for ourselves and create plans to reach those goals; this is the underpinning of cultivating hope. Hope is our greatest antidepressant.

There are a few steps we can take to make a resilient New Year:

The reason so many of us are drawn to the idea of getting unstuck is because feeling stuck in life is such a common experience. Maybe we continually get distracted at work as projects mount or get hooked into the same arguments in our relationships, or just can’t seem to get back on the treadmill.

Feeling stuck is part of the human experience. So how do we get unstuck?

There are a lot of books and writings we all get our hands on that speak to changing our lives or transforming ourselves in some way or another.

We all suffer in life. Whether it’s deep emotional pain, physical pain, or just wanting to avoid an upcoming work project, the mind is constantly on the lookout for how to fix this suffering.

However, what we are often times offered is a romantic version for how to alleviate the suffering. We read the book or watch the programs that tell us simple steps on how to change our lives. These in themselves can be helpful, but not if we don’t do the work.

The truth is, real transformation and change takes a kind of discipline and can be hard work.

In an earlier post I published Jeffrey Schwartz, M.D’s article focusing on why empathy can be a two edged sword which became very popular, and I later interviewed him about why recent research in the field of neuroscience has been largely a waste of money. Jeff is a psychiatrist, researcher in neuroplasticity and internationally recognized expert in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He is also author of the popular books Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior and The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force.

Today I bring Jeff back to tell us about how mindfulness and his 4 step process can not only help us break free from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) but be a path toward greater stress management and well-being.  

There is a tradition on the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog. Every Monday, I cite a quote or a poem that is related to mindfulness and psychotherapy in some way and then explore it a bit and how it is relevant to our lives. For me, quotes and poetry can often sink me into a state of greater understanding. So for today, here is a quote by Mark Twain:

“I am a very old man and have suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

Stress and misfortunes are an unavoidable fact of life, it’s the human condition. As we say in A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook:

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Here we are again with Monday’s Mindful Quote. Last week I wrote the post 5 Quotes that Can Change Your Life, and here’s one of them by Albert Einstein. Go ahead and read it a few times before moving on:

You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.

Okay, so we’ve all been told that Albert Einstein was a genius, so it couldn’t hurt us to explore his wisdom.

It is all-too-natural and all-too-common for us to try and solve a problem with the same mind that created it. For example, when we begin sliding into depression, the automatic negative thoughts seep out, “what’s the point, who cares, nothing ever going to change, etc., etc. …” and this helps lead us into depression. When we’re feeling depressed, all the mind wants to do is find the solution to the “problem” of depression and so it twirls round and round in its depressed state trying to find the explanation for “what’s wrong with me.”

The Mindful Mood that is…

Often times the day seems to become routine and before we know it piles of responsibilities from work and home have stacked up and we feel like chickens running around with their heads cut off.

I suggest taking a couple minutes to practice the video below 2-3 times a day for a week to come down from the busy mind, focus your attention, ground to the present moment and refocus to what you’re really intending to pay attention to in the moment. It may help to actually put it in your calendar at first.

When can you practice? Look for the “in-between” moments. These are moments before you are about to take a break or while you’re waiting for someone. As you get the hang of this you won’t need this video and can practice it when parked in the car, in the bathroom, or while waiting in line.

Note: When the mind says, “forget it, this isn’t going to work,” as much as possible, just note that judgment as a mental event in the mind that is happy to keep you at status quo. Your work is to become aware of these types of thoughts, let them be, and come back to this practice.

Click through to see the video…

Tom was taking a Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) course with me and really had wonderful intentions to do the practices that were assigned week to week. However, at the time he was to sit down to do the practice, he noticed these thoughts in his mind telling him that doing this practice is a “waste of time” and he could be doing better things like watching television, eating, or flipping through a magazine.

And so it was…

When it comes to procrastination or inertia to make changes in our lives, it’s important to cultivate an awareness of what it really is. In order to do that, we need to break it down and name what is happening.

Once we can name it, we can face it, and when we can face it, we can work with it.

Here is a 3 step process to breaking through procrastination:

1. Name it – Over the years, we have developed so many habits in our mind that are very strong because they’ve had a lot of practice. Through current research in the area of neuroplasticity, we now know that what we pay attention to and how we pay attention lays down the tracks to our minds. So if we practice avoiding or doubting, that’s the way our minds will habitually drift on auto-pilot. So, it’s important to come up with a name for the “tape in the mind” or automatic negative thoughts that are taking you away from your original intention. Some of my clients have made up terms like “doubting mind,” “sabotage mind,” “distraction mind,” or even “baloney mind,” to add some humor to it.The key here is that once we name it, we’ve stepped outside of the auto-pilot and now have a choice to redirect. However, to make this stick, it’s difficult to just redirect to the intended action, we first need to get a better sense of this feeling that we’re trying to avoid.
2. Redirect to physical feeling – There is always some physical feeling that is associated with avoidance. We may notice it as tension in the face, maybe a constriction in the chest, …
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