There’s no denying it, inherent in our human make-up is the need to judge and criticize. Some of us are more naturally talented at this than others. It’s worth getting curious about how the act of criticizing or judging others affects us. The truth is it rarely – if ever – has any lasting effects of helping us feel better. In fact, it usually has the opposite, like a slow leaking toxin in our minds and bodies. So here’s a practice for today.

We’ve all heard the adage that “It is what it is,” telling us that whatever is happening is simply the reality of the current experience. But I like to add on another piece saying, “It is what it is, while it is.”

This speaks to a larger reality that whatever is here is also impermanent. Bringing this saying with you throughout the day could have beneficial effects for a range of difficulties from everyday stress to anxiety to depression and even addiction.  Here’s how…

In my life, as in many peoples’, my in-basket is never empty. A story is created in my mind that there is so much “to do” that “I don’t have time” for the less important tasks. I have clients that I see along with a number of projects that I engage with when I’m not seeing clients. This morning I found that same story about not having time invading my mind, creating tension in my shoulders and making me irritable.

My 2 year old son has an abundance of energy (as many of them do) and wanted to get outside with me for a little bit. In the face of the screaming voices inside my head telling me to “get to work” I decided to take him out. What happened?

I’d say the majority of us start off our days with an alarm ringing us awake. As we wipe the sleep out of our eyes and drink our morning coffee or tea, the cobwebs begin to break away and the doors of the mind open to start looking forward and planning/worrying about the day.

The reality is, the planning and worrying sometimes doesn’t wait and they dart in the moment we open our eyes. So, I’m going to suggest a simple and easy idea that could have a major impact not only how you start your day, but how the rest of the day unfolds.

Take a moment to consider what’s really important to you in this life.

There’s a certain way of relating to life that I try and come back to again and again. It’s something that we often lose as adults along the way as life gets filled with overflowing and endless list of “to-dos.” It’s not our fault, our brains are wired to make life routine, getting us disconnected from the wonders of everyday life. Hafiz, a 14th century poet and mystic, sums up this way of relating to life best:

Every Child

Has known God,

Not the God of names,

Not the God of Don’ts

Not the God who ever does anything weird

But the God who only knows four words

And keeps repeating them, saying:

“Come dance with Me”

Come Dance

If you’ve followed my writings, you know that I believe bringing back a sense of playfulness into our lives is a critical factor in our mental health. Play is important to ourselves, in relationships, at work or with parenting. This isn’t something we can just think about because the reality is for many of us; we don’t practice it much and it goes against the grain.

The first thing is discovering what playfulness looks like in your life.

In order to get a sense of this follow this short practice:

With the world getting smaller and smaller due to the internet, we all know to some degree the many wars that are currently being waged. But how about the wars that get waged in us all the time? It’s as if we perceive enemies within us trying to take us over. I remember one time I was working within an organization and there was a depression course being listed for patients and the marketing for it said, “Kill your depression for good.”

What? Pour negative energy into your depression? Doesn’t sound like a good cocktail.

There is an African Proverb that says:

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”

This is similar to Thich Nhat Hanh’s saying:

“Peace in ourselves, peace in the world.”

Mattie was born on July 17th, 1990 with a genetic defect leading to Dysautonomic Mitochondrial Myopathy. He was bound to a wheelchair his entire life until he body finally came to rest at age 13. But Mattie was born into this world with a gift, a gift that lead all 7 of his books, including Heartsongs, Hope Through Heartsongs, among many others, to become NY Times Bestsellers and landing him on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live, Good Morning America, Primetime, The Today Show, CNN News and many other programs many times to share wisdom with millions of lives.

When I heard what Mattie’s final words to his Mom were, it popped me into a space of clarity.

This 13 year old little boy said:

“Choose to inhale; do not breathe simply to exist.”

How many of us just exist in a choiceless world? How often do we actually choose this breath?

Of course the body will continue to breathe if we don’t choose to breathe, it’s automatic. The newsflash that we may not think about is many of our thoughts and behaviors over time have also become just as automatic as breathing.

For this APA Mental Health Blog Party, I’m going to get right down to it. If there’s one major lesson I’ve learned it’s that we can’t always control what happens to us, but true freedom lies in cultivating the awareness to choose how we want to respond.

Mindfulness is key to mental health.

In my work I see people who have suffered from addiction, anxiety, depression, and multiple forms of trauma. The fact is, they didn’t choose to struggle with this pain and stress, it just happened to them.

An unknown person once said:

“A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.”

But how do we get to the place where we can handle this stress exceptionally well? That’s the trick. It doesn’t just happen overnight and it’s often a lifetime practice and one that thrives with patience.