Archives for Addiction

Addiction

Smart Phones, Stupid Choices and Alone Together

It’s one of the most pervasive issues in our culture today that’s off and on in the media, but no one talks about in their personal lives – our relationships with our phones.

Not long ago author Johann Hari, author of Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs wrote a blog that really caught my eye. He essentially made the argument that our addictive behaviors are driven more from loneliness or a longing to bond and connect than anything else.

Larry Rosen, Professor at Cal State Dominguez Hills and author of iDisorder: Understanding Our Obsession with Technology and Overcoming Its Hold on Us has studied our relationships with our phones and shows that our compulsions with our phones are a result of anxiety that we are missing out on something.
However, our phones are also inherently devices that have intermittent reinforcement so in some degree they work like the addictive slot machines.

We are living in an age that is more connected than ever, but also seems to be less intimate than ever. People lives are more public and so in some way the intimacy gets diluted and therefore less potent. We are looking into each other’s less and making physical contact less.

The lonelier and less intimate we feel life is, the more we long for it, so the more we turn to our devices as an addictive path toward connection.

More and more these days people are finding themselves checking their devices during any time they are alone. If you’re eating alone you’ll check it, if you’re waiting in a checkout line, you’ll check it, if you’re walking on the way to the bathroom, you’ll check it and if you’re in the car alone, you’ll check it (even though the stats show an increase in fatality rates).

Sherry Turkle is an MIT Professor who wrote,
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Addiction

10 Seconds to Less Stress

Most people I meet would like to be calmer and more focused on what matters in the moments of their lives. But the more stressed we are, the less open we are to creative ideas and the more prone we are to procrastination.

Here is a 10-second practice that I challenge you to practice a few times a day and realize its power to help you focus on what matters moment-to-moment. Inevitably, as you practice and repeat this, you'll become more of a PRO at life.
The Be a PRO Practice

P - Pause - This is the initial step that helps break the auto-pilot stress cycle.
R - Relax your body - When we're stressed, our muscles get tight which sends signals back to the brain to fight, flee or freeze, making thoughts more distracted and chaotic. Relaxing the body, does the opposite, it begins to open the mind again, making it easier to focus.
O - Open to what matters in the moment - As the body is relaxed we have a greater chance to be more aware of creative ideas or simply the ability to focus on the task at hand.

Here are 10 really good places where practicing being a PRO at life can come in handy:

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Addiction

The Key Mindset that Can Never Lose

Life is full of ups and downs and often times because our brains our wired to pay attention to the negative more, the losses are magnified, rehashed and fertile ground for self-criticism. Maybe you fall short on a test, don't get the feedback you were expecting from a work project, end an intimate relationship, keep falling into bad habits or continue falling into bouts of stress, anxiety or depression. We see all of these as negatives in life.

But the key mindset that turns on this on it's head and catalyzes growth and happiness is the learning mindset.

This is a single thread that weaves throughout Uncovering Happiness and also the newest release MBSR Every Day: Daily Practices from the Heart of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. 

Every single experience in life contains information to help us get better and better with our intentions in life.

If you've followed my writings you know I'm a big fan of a short phrase to help us grow from the inevitable obstacles of life:
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Addiction

What Does It Mean to Let Go?

In this human life we get our share of joys and our share of sorrows. The brain is wired to hang onto the fears and sorrows more than the joys so that it guard against what's uncomfortable and keep us safe. However, in doing this we have the experience of holding onto the difficult in our lives and many of us would enjoy the ability to "let go" a little easier.

One of my favorite paths in teaching isn't through the intellect, but through poetry which can reach beyond the rational brain and more directly to the emotional brain where our decision making and "holding" lies.

Here is a poem that speaks directly to the possibility of letting go.
Pause...Take a Breath...Read...See What Arises
She let go
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
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Addiction

Learn to Forgive Others No Matter What

A little while ago I wrote a post around the importance of learning how to practice self-forgiveness. In that same vein it is essential to learn how to practice forgiveness no matter what. This may sound extreme, but let me explain. Forgiveness, as you may have heard or experienced, is simply the act of letting go of the burden that you carry from another person who has hurt you out of their own pain, ignorance or confusion. It's a practice of freeing up your energy to focus on things that incline toward your own health and well-being or the health and well-being of others.

There's a saying:

"Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get hurt or die."

The reality is holding onto resentment, literally keeps our cortisol running and makes us sick.

The wonderful thing about forgiveness is it really only takes one to tango. You only need one person to forgive - you! You don't even need the offender.

Right now, if you have someone you're holding a grudge against or are resenting, imagine the two of you tied together in a tug of war and imagine the cord being cut...you no longer have the tension of the rope, you are free!

Of course it's not often this easy and it's a practice to forgive, but what else is there to do? Hold onto the resentment so we continue to suffer? We've already been hurt, why continue to inflict further suffering on ourselves?
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”—Paul Boese
If you are open to letting go of the resentment-habit and opening up to a better future, play with the following short forgiveness practice from The Now Effect:
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Addiction

Learn to Forgive Yourself No Matter What

One of the greatest, most unproductive and destructive mind traps many of us face is self-blame. It's as if the brain doesn't know what to do with the uncomfortable feeling that's there and it projects it inward. I've never seen a single example where self-blame is constructive. We all make mistakes in life, some greater than others. But there is a simple truth in life that is worth understanding, we all do the best we can with what we know in any given time.

It could never be any other way.

There's a simple thing to practice that can bring us back to our senses with a bit more self-compassion. This inevitably will lead to greater ease, understanding and refocus us on a more constructive path of health and well-being sooner. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it.

No matter what you've done, it doesn't serve you or anyone else to stew in self-blame. What would serve yourself and others more is     moving into a place of understanding and making peace with yourself. From this space you are better able to more constructively serve yourself and others.

In Uncovering Happiness I share a very personal story where in my twenties I was incredibly destructive to my mind and body. I would be constantly caught in a web of blaming myself for the things I would do - only to do them again.

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Addiction

Mindfulness: What’s the POINT?

The brain loves to chunk information in order to remember things and there are so many great acronyms that help us remember to bring mindfulness into our lives. I’m going to list a few really key ones and then link you to respective guided practices or posts as a reference to play with them and bring them into your life. Finally, I’m going to introduce you to a new powerful acronym that gets to the point of mindfulness.
STOP (Stop, Take a breath, Observe your experience and Proceed)


This is an all time favorite. On YouTube the recording that I  created for A Mindfulness-Based Stress  Reduction  Workbook has almost 80,000 views because the acronym  makes sense and it  really helps us  pause into the moment and  open up to what matters.

RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Inquire, Non-identify/Natural Awareness)


This acronym created by Michelle McDonald and popularized and adapted by Tara Brach, is incredible for  helping us gain perspective, self-
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Addiction

Overwhelmed Or Depressed? Wisdom from Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tis the season to feel a bit down, overwhelmed and stressed. When the mind is focusing on the negative details of life, it's practicing seeing things through this lens and what we practice and repeat creates a habit of thoughts, feelings, emotions and sensations. I call this getting caught in a "depressive loop."

Mindfulness is about being aware of what lens we’re wearing when looking at life, so we can be more intentional. The unintentional act of looking toward the future with a negative lens can really sap our motivation to make any progress toward a more fruitful and positive future. After all, if we're anticipating doomsday, what’s the point in even trying? This is major fruit for procrastination too.

Feeling depressed lights up the avoidance circuits in the brain. It's experienced as a disengagement from life. In Uncovering Happiness  I go through the science and practice of a handful of natural anti-depressants that live within every one of us.

But when we're feeling overwhelmed with life, our negative thinking arises again, "What's the point" or "Who cares." But these thoughts are not facts, even the ones that say they are.

Martin Luther King, Jr. had some wise words for us about this.
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Addiction

Can Meditation be Dangerous?

This is a story of Zen master, professor, poet, and essayist, Louis Nordstrom. 

Over 35 years ago Louis renounced his tenure as a professor in philosophy and robed up to begin his life as a monk. In an NY Times interview with Chip Brown, Nordstrom conveyed some insights into the connection between his trauma and abandonment as a child that revealed a hidden motive in his work with meditation.

He said:
"The Zen experience of forgetting the self was very natural to me," he told me last fall. "I had already been engaged in forgetting and abandoning the self in my childhood, which was filled with the fear of how unreal things seemed."
For Nordstrom, meditation felt like a natural fit as there was a familiarity and calmness that came from detaching from thoughts,
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Addiction

Top 5 Myths about Mindfulness Meditation

Do you know the myths about mindfulness and what is true or false about this swelling revolution? Take a look at what I think are the top five myths about mindfulness.

Note: There are plenty more, but I thought these top the charts.

Myth #1: Mindfulness if for taking a time-out from life, quieting the mind and reducing stress.

Truth: I think this is the #1 myth out there because it’s my experience that this is how people initially experience the practice. One of the greatest entry points to mindfulness in the West is Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). This is a fantastic program with wonderful science behind it, but the name is just for marketing. The ultimate goal isn’t meant to be stress reduction. The goal of mindfulness and MBSR is to wake up to the inner workings of our mental, emotional and physical processes, recognize the connectedness between people and operate in the world with greater self-compassion and compassion.

However, the initial practices can often give people sense of relief from a busy mind and can then be equated with a mental break. While there’s nothing wrong with using it this way, it also minimizes the power of mindfulness.

The paradox here is when we’re able to do just be present to our minds, emotions and bodies, the stressful relationship tends to quiet down, but when we try and quiet the mind down, we often add fuel to the fire.

Myth #2: You need to carve out plenty of time in a serene “mindful” space.

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