The Happiest People Don’t Have the Best of Everything
Throughout our lives we’ve been interpreting and making meaning out of all kinds of events. Every event by itself is just an event, but the way we see it, the importance we give it, how it weaves into the fabric of our cells makes all the difference. This meaning that we make then goes on to affect how we interpret other things, it informs the choices that we make and the behaviors that we conduct.
For example, if I were to get pulled over by the police for speeding I might think “the world is out to get me” or “I need to slow down.” I may miss the possibility that this may have saved me from an upcoming accident. Some people say life is like a blank canvas, go ahead and paint your masterpiece.
The problem with that statement is that life is not like a blank canvas because we bring all of our past experiences, woundings, traumas, and triumphs with us to the seat. These inform that immediate snap judgment that occurs beneath our awareness in any given moment.
If you were abused as a child that is going to have an instant effect on how you view and interpret relationships and the world. If you are a veteran who has just come back from war and saw some of your friends wounded or killed, that is going to affect how you make meaning of many different things in life. Many different forms of therapy ask us to shift the way we seeing things, have a different outlook on life.
It’s not so easy.
However, it’s also important to not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, says that people can survive any experience if they learn to make a more positive meaning out of it. He says, “even the worst circumstance can be transformed by our minds.” We do walk around the world shaped by our experiences and the meaning we give to events can have a dramatic effect on how we feel emotionally and physically.
Here’s a sign that makes this point:
The fact is the moment we are aware of the meaning we are giving events is the moment we have stepped out of auto-pilot and into a space of clarity and have experience the Now Effect. To begin to train this to happen more often and cultivate a flexible mind, practice being on the lookout for the meaning you are giving events. Think of your initial interpretation as one slice of a pie and then from this space of awareness asking, “what’s another way I can see this?”
Notice your initial responses to these and then consider the other:
- When the boss walks down the hall and doesn’t say hello does that mean that s/he is mad at you or that s/he is stressed?
- Does showing your emotions mean a sign of weakness or a sign of courage?
- If you get turned down by a job, does that mean that it’s the end of the world, or potentially giving you the opportunity to land a job that you would like better?
- If you’ve just been laid off, does it mean life is over or a new start?
- If s/he’s not calling you back, does that mean s/he just isn’t that into you or that s/he is just busy?
What did you notice with your interpretations? There are all kinds of examples like this that come to us on a daily basis. When we’re feeling particularly anxious, depressed, or panicky during the day it seems almost impossible to perceive things any other way than with negative or crisis-oriented judgment. The truth is, an event could almost mean anything. See if you can try and practice seeing other pieces of the pie and then you be the judge as to how that shifts the way you feel.
As always, please share our thoughts and comments below, your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.
Ecstatic woman photo available from Shutterstock
Goldstein, E. (2012). The Happiest People Don’t Have the Best of Everything. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2015, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2012/02/the-happiest-people-dont-have-the-best-of-everything/