In some past posts I’ve inquired if mindful eating can change our lives and also written about rethinking our relationship to food. However, I think it would be good to share a personal example of what this has looked like in my life. In my upcoming book, A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook (March, 2010), co-authored with Bob Stahl, Ph.D, I discuss an experience that I have with mindful eating and how it shifted me from a state of distress and frustration to calm and ease:

Back in my midtwenties, when my life felt out of control and I went on a one-month retreat, each time we sat down to eat we were instructed to be aware of what we were eating, where it came from, and the people who prepared it and to be thankful for it and eat it mindfully. Since I was resistant to being there in the first place, I dug in my heels on this issue and just continued eating as I always had. Often my mind would be swimming with doubts, questioning my decision to even come to this place, thinking I had more important things to be doing, and worrying about whether I really fit in. Most of the time I would be halfway through the meal before I even really tasted the food.

One day, as another participant in the program was talking to me about the importance of being intentional and present in all the activities we do, I immediately thought of the eating and asked him, “Doesn’t it annoy you that they make such a big deal about eating here?” He gently smiled at me, brought out an orange from his knapsack, and said, “Treat this as an experiment. Take this orange and really think about where it came from, how it started from a seed in the ground, how real people cared for the tree to make it healthy and then plucked the fruit from that tree. Think about how this orange was carried from there by many different people before it came to me, and …

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There is a tradition on the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog. Every Monday, I cite a quote or a poem that is related to mindfulness and psychotherapy in some way and then explore it a bit and how it is relevant to our lives. For me, quotes and poetry can often sink me into a state of greater understanding. So for today, here is a quote by Helen Keller:

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”

Safety and security is something we long for as babies and some say before that, in the womb. We all experience different levels of security growing up, some people feeling more secure and others less (“nor do the children of men as a whole experience it”). This is the basis of attachment theory in psychology. This theory was formulated by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, John Bowlby. He first used the word “attachment” when he theorized that children are more likely to feel secure, connected, and loved if their parents are able to be attuned, in the present moment, to the child’s internal world of emotions and needs. This is one idea about where security and insecurity in this world come from.

In later research, Mary Ainsworth, found that while some attachment styles may be coupled with a sense of security and safety, others attachment styles may be paradoxically coupled with insecurity and anxiety. In this theory we come to understand that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers affect how we behave in our relationships as adults and with our own children. It’s really fascinating.

In The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being, Daniel Siegel, MD, writes that when parent and child are attuned, the outcome is a state of resonance that allows the child …