There is a story by Leo Tolstoy of a king who had everything he needed, but he had three questions that nagged at him.
What is the right time to do any one thing?
Who are the right people to listen to and work with?
What is the most important thing to do at all times?
He figured that if he knew the answers to these questions, he would be free of any anxiety and never have any issues.
He called upon all his countrymen to a contest to see if anyone had the answers. Hundreds of people came in.
For the first question there were a variety of answers. Some people told him he needed to fill out a calendar and follow it to the tee and then he would know what the right thing to do was. Others had other theories.
For the second question, again, some people listed religious leaders; others said he needed a wise counsel to rely on, while others said the military is who he should surround himself with.
The third answer brought similar responses from science to religion to the military.
Underwhelmed by all these responses, the king dressed in peasant clothing and walked up to visit a wise hermit on top of the mountain, for he may have the answer.
The hermit was busy plowing a garden and the king said, “Excuse me, wise hermit, you do not know me, but I have come to ask you three questions.”
After asking the questions the hermit smiled, patted him on the back, and continued on. The king soon saw that the hermit looked tired and offered to help and began plowing himself. After some time, the king asked the questions again and was interrupted by the sight of a naked man running through the hills with blood spilling from his stomach.
The bleeding man made his way to the hermit and king and the king swept into action and began tearing his own shirt to dress this man’s wound. The hermit and king went to lay the man down to rest in the cave where the hermit stayed and the king’s eyes began to close from exhaustion.
When he awoke he saw the man lying next to him and the man said, “Please forgive me.”
“What have you done that needs forgiveness my son,” said the king.
He continued, “You do not know me, but I was your enemy and after the last war you took my house and killed my brother. I came here for revenge to kill you, and had been waiting for you down the hill for quite some time. But after you didn’t show up, I decided to run out from where I was, but your men found me and gave me this wound. If it wasn’t for you, I would have died out there, so please forgive me and I will be in your debt forever. The king was surprised how easy it was to reconcile with a former enemy and pledged to give the man his house and land back. The man then went on his way.
The hermit came back in the cave and the king once again asked him these three questions to which the hermit replied, “You already know the answer.”
The king gave him a confused look.
The hermit said, “Don’t you see, if you didn’t take pity on me yesterday and help me plow the garden, you would have been attacked by that man and likely died. So the most important time was with me helping me plow those gardens and I was the most important man to be with and to do this good deed was the most important thing to do at the time. After this, the most important time was dressing the wound of that man, for if you had not done that he would have died and you would have never made peace with him. So he was the most important person to be with and what you did for him was the most important thing to do.
So what can you take away from Tolstoy’s story today? We are all looking for the next best thing or the most important thing to be doing and what we often don’t realize is that maybe what we’re doing RIGHT NOW is actually the most important time and who we’re with is the most important person and what we’re doing in the moment is the most important thing to do.
How does this story apply to your life? Please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interactions provide a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.
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Dr. Elisha,
I have been struggling with priority issues like these for a long time. I am learning that awareness and mindfulness are vital so that I may live in the moment and not the past or future. And yet, I still have trouble balancing activities that look to the future (planning, scheduling) and those that look to the past (learning from past mistakes) with living now.
It seems there is plenty of direction today on how to be more mindful. Perhaps I’ve missed some good resources, but I’d also like to learn much, much more about how to plan (into the future) or reflect (to learn from the past) without getting captured by worry or regret and then spending far too much precious time ruminating on those things and not living.
Any ideas?
btw, new listener. Heard you first on Dave Van Nuys’ podcast, which I greatly enjoyed.
Thanks ~ Steve
Cincinnati, OH, USA
The Tolstoy story is a great reminder to remember the importance of being in the moment — and to practice loving-kindness. I was actually first introduced to it through an absolutely beautiful children’s book, “The Three Questions,” by Jon J. Muth.
Thanks again for sharing your insights.
I have one friend who is 1/2 my age. We work at the same school. I’m otherwise socially isolated and friendless and every day I struggle with being friends with this person. In fact, at least every two or three days, I try to stop being friends with him (this is year two of our friendship), but he never gives up. As he put it once in an email, when I act unfriendly, it doesn’t change the way he feels about me, so he chooses to continue to be friendly and eventually I give in. It would be so much easier to just never talk to him again, but he won’t let that happen. He doesn’t understand the abandonment issues I struggle with; he just knows that he wants to be my friend. It’s stressful, but interesting.
Thanks for the great story :-). I will keep it in mind and take the advice.
Hi Steve (and others),
Here are my thoughts. It is perfectly fine to intentionally look into the past and plan into the future. The key word here is “intentionally”. However, even when we are purposely doing this, our minds may wander into worrying or regretting. We can treat this like any other wandering and as soon as we’re aware of this, we’re present. In other words, now we have a choice to set aside those “old tapes” and intentionally go back to our business.
We are working on unwinding the habitual patterns of our minds, but the key here is to practice non-judgment. Our minds will automatically judge, that is ok, we’re just noticing that when it happens, letting it be, and coming back to the direct experience without those old filters.
Make no mistake, this is a practice, a life practice, but if not now when?
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