Welcome to Monday’s Mindful Quote. This is a new tradition at the Mindfulness and Psychotherapy Blog. Every Monday I’m going to cite a quote or a poem that is related to mindfulness and psychotherapy in some way and then explore it a bit and how it is relevant to our lives. For me, quotes and poetry can often sink me into a state of greater understanding.
Here is a quote by Waltor Landor:
“As soon as we wish to be happier, we are no longer happy.”
How true this is. We are a culture driven by the motto, more is better. If we turn on the television or glance over at the magazines at the checkout line in any grocery store, we see the sensational “bling” and the “more” we are looking for. Our minds automatically say, “If I just had a bigger house, a partner, more money, a snowcone, etc… then I’d be happy.”
Author and renowned mindfulness teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh says, “There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.”
Landor’s quote echoes a millennia of teachings that say, as soon as we are reaching or grasping for something that is outside of this present moment, we get the sense that what we are or have is less than adequate in this moment. Our contentment drifts away and so does the potential for happiness right now.
For example, we could be feeling quite content in the moment and then see the car we’ve been wanting drive by with the thought, “Ahh, I’d feel better if I had that car.” Immediately, we are no longer content with the way things are. Our situation hasn’t changed at all, just a thought of “wanting or needing more” than we current have has drifted into our minds, followed by feelings of discontent.
What to do: With an attitude of curiosity and nonjudgment, we can notice when this is happening and recognize it as a habitual reaction our minds get caught up in. We can also notice the feeling that comes along with it (i.e, despair) and if possible. This is the conditioned interaction between your thoughts, emotions, and body.
You don’t have to buy into it, but just become aware of it. When you’re aware of it, you can bring yourself back to the now and recognize that you likely have all you need and in fact, you are likely better off than most on this planet.
Then: Choose to list 5 things you are grateful for in your life in that moment. See what happens. You may not be aware enough to do this each time, but beginning to plant this seed can pave a path toward greater freedom and happiness.
As always, please share your thoughts, stories, and questions below. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.
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From Psych Central's Dr. Elisha Goldstein:
Exploring the Upside of Depression | Mindfulness and Psychotherapy (November 4, 2009)
Hello,
I happened upon this site 3 weeks ago (from the Beyond Blue blog) and it’s fantastic! Thank you so much for sharing your insigght. I especially love the Mondays Mindful Quote. I have a question about a practical application of today’s quote. My teenage son is working on a project and is late. It’s a state we all want to change. Being more responsible, persistent with his work (I’m trying to avoid saying lazy 
) are qualities that we want to cultivate and be better at tomorrow/future. Seeking a happier place in this situaiton seems the correct action and the unhappiness at the present moment seems justified. I’m not accepting this moment as it is and am actively striving to change it for the better. How should I act mindfully in this instance or am I missing the forest for the trees by overanalyzing here?
Thanks!
Yamuna
Hello Yamuna,
Thank you for being part of the community and for asking such excellent questions. Ofcourse you want what is best for your son and want to support him in cultivating qualities of discipline and drive.
First of all, wanting and striving for change can be very good things when it’s toward a direction of greater health and well-being. The first step to mindfully intiating change is to do what you are already doing which is acknowleding the way things are in this moment (i.e., son not being responsible/persistent with his work).
Some people like to go as far as say it is good to have a “Radical Acceptance” of the present moment, in order to then initiate a change. However, sometimes acceptance implies being “Ok” with it, so you dont’ need to use that word. Then intentionally laying out a plan to help him get back on track.
I think I sort of get it, I need to think about this some more. Thank you for the second term “Radical Acceptance”. I tend to take words literally and was having trouble seeing past it’s ok implication of acceptance - until you spelled it out, I didn’t know that was causing my confusion!
I really appreciate the effort you put in to respond to our queries so promptly.
-Cheers,
Yamuna
Hi
I have been cultivating a fairly regular Insight Buddhist meditation practice for over a year and a half, since I experienced two painful losses in my personal life. Also I started reading Byron Katie’s work.
Your quote this Monday is most helpful, catapulting me into acceptance of my current living situation. A friend had described a situation they would like to have and I glommed onto it with great sorrow, wanting it, but I am going in a different direction. Now this great reminder that the present is what is, and (as Byron Katie says) “loving what is” is the starting place — or maybe the constant place.
Thank you!
Anne
this quote was a good one. I afton think exsactly that. i just wonder how i can brake that habit and realy be content with my lot in life. I just want to know that. thanks fred
I love it when people, who make money telling people to not want the things money can buy, tell people to be grateful for what they have while they are making money doing it. And when I am happy, I never think about wanting to be happy.
How can you love someone beyond compare, know they love you the same, and yet still feel life is not worth living?
Hi Saddo,
I would say that there is a confusion between a feeling and a thought here. The feeling may be sadness or some sort of hurt. The thought is “life is not worth living.” When we’re depressed, our interpretations of the world tend to automatically think in a hopeless direction. Just because it is a thought, does not mean it is a fact, in other words, the feeling is what we want to focus on, the thought may not reflect the whole picture.
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