Whether we’re in the midst of a storm of anxiety or depression or we’ve come out of the storm but are in fear of relapse, strong uncomfortable emotions can seem like the devil’s spawn that we try our best to ward off against. For many of us there is a fear that these strong emotions will be overwhelming and lead us back into the great abyss of depression or another round of intense anxiety. However, it is in this very struggle of non-acceptance or non-acknowledgment of this feeling that our misery becomes compounded. Although our minds believe they are doing the best thing for us, their acts are not skillful. What’s another way?

In the mindfulness circles the acronym R.A.I.N has floated around to support people in dealing with difficult emotions. It has been found in Tara Brach’s book Radical Acceptance, Jack Kornfield has said it, and you will find it the upcoming Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook that I have co-authored with Bob Stahl, Ph.D (February, 2010). Here is a sneak peek:

“R” is to recognize when a strong emotion is present.  “A” is to allow or acknowledge that it is indeed there.  “I” is to investigate and bring self-inquiry to the body, feelings, and mind, and “N” is to non-identify with what’s there.   This non-identification is very useful in that it helps to deflate the story and cultivates wise understanding in the recognition that the emotion is just another passing mind state and not a definition of who you are.  Just like seeing a movie, standing back and watching the actors play out their dramas, by non-identifying with your story and seeing it as impermanent, this will help assist in loosening your own tight grip of identification.  Utilizing R.A.I. N. as a practice can help you bring space to be with things as they are and grow in deeper understanding of what drives, underlies or fuels our fears, anger, and sadness.

Turning into our emotions can feel a bit foreign since most of us live in such a pain denying culture.  Isn’t it time to begin acknowledging stress, anxiety or pain rather than …

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If you are coming to visit this site or this blog, you or someone you know is likely struggling or has struggled with deep psychological pain. In a recent post Refusing to Forgive: 9 Steps to Break Free, Andrea commented saying:

I feel that while the blogs may provide some little clue to addressing all our concerns. It is in no way enough. I am not saying that it is your job to address our individual griefs but clearly this is a difficult and big topic that cannot be address in 300 words or so. There is no one size fits all. There is a lot of pain up above. And i wish i could talk to all these women. I hope they are all getting someone to talk with. Even if its to take these questions and points further.

Andrea has made a very important point that is worth a blog in itself. Reading a blog post by itself as the sole means of healing the enormous wounding many of have suffered from in our lives is not the answer. If you have are currently struggling from intense anxiety, depression, addiction, or trauma it is very important to seek support at the very least from a caring community, group therapy, or working with a skilled therapist and potentially psychiatrist.  

Blogs need to be taken with a grain of salt because they often only cover a piece of a topic. Length of the blog may not be quite as important as I have found in my own life that quotes or short poems at times have a greater impact than reading an entire book. This Viktor Fankl Quote has had an great impact on many people’s lives:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

This poem by Sufi Poet, Rumi speaks volumes about how our automatic drive to judge everything gets in our way of love:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, 
there is a field. I’ll …

 In an earlier blog on boosting self esteem, I explored one of the fundamental issues we have with feeling self worth and cultivating self acceptance. Underneath it all, I believe there is a fundamental break in our ability to love ourselves. If we are able to accept ourselves as we are and care for ourselves when the inner tyrant raises its voice, our self esteem issues would dissipate. And, I followed this by saying, “easier said than done.” One comment from this blog was about giving some more “nuts and bolts” in relation to boosting self esteem using mindfulness.

For those who are just tuning in, mindfulness is an approach that is about paying attention, on purpose, in a non-judgmental way. So, you might say, “great, so I notice my mind judging myself, I let that be, and then what?” Good question. Some might say, “that’s it, recognize thoughts as thoughts, don’t take them personally, they are just mental events in the mind that come and go, they aren’t facts.”  Let’s take it a step further:

Here are a list of 7 things you can do to mindfully boost self-esteem:

1. Write it down – In working with erroneous negative self-judgments, it is a great idea to actually write them down. Writing them down on paper separates them from the emotion and also creates a pause so you can reflect on the meaning of whether this judgment is even accurate or not. We also can come to a place where we don’t have to ruminate about it because we already have it down.
2. Ask the question – Is this just a well worn habit of my mind to think this way? Do the facts of the situation support this? Are there alternative thoughts here?
3. Question your mood – Be aware of how you are feeling. Ask yourself, if I were feeling well right now, would I see this the same way?  This gets at the heart of thoughts being just transient mental events and not facts. This helps the thought not be quite as sticky.
4. Question the source – Where did I originally get this message? Sometimes we can look back to our …
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