Part of the struggle we all live with is a constant desire to get away from the place we are currently in. We either feel discomfort and want to get away from it or we feel like we don’t have enough and so we’re reaching for something somewhere else. In either case, this cultivates a sense of dis-ease where we are never satisfied with where we are and in a state of constant tension. Author and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) founder Jon Kabat-Zinn has a wonderful saying in his book Wherever You Go, There You Are. He says, “This is it!”

What does that mean? Life is full of ups and downs, lefts and rights, smiles and frowns (sorry, couldn’t help the putting in the rhyme here). It’s all part of it. At one moment someone is being born, at another someone is passing away. Someone gets promoted while another gets laid off. People are getting married while others are getting divorces. It’s all happening and it triggers all kinds of unpleasant and pleasant thoughts, feelings and emotions in us at any given moment. We may feel sadness, frustration, joy, excitement, anger, confusion. All of these feelings coming and going from day to day, from moment to moment.

Sometimes it’s helpful to notice when we’re trying to get away from something unpleasant or desperately reaching for something that’s pleasant and become aware of the dis-ease this is causing. This habitual approach doesn’t work and we need to test out a new relationship to ourselves. One way to start doing this is noticing when we are caught in this trap and saying to ourselves, “This is it” and then settling into the moment with a S.T.O.P (Stop, Take a breath, Observe thoughts, feelings, and emotions, Proceed) practice.

However, even in doing this practice there is a danger of trying to get to some kind of special state. You may notice yourself struggling because your mind is trying to do this practice, but there is so much tension it is distracting. “This is it!” When this happens, this is the experience. You can just come to your breath and feel into whatever is there, noticing the sensations of the feeling and saying to yourself, “It’s O.K, it’s already here, let me feel it.” Practice “being with” this feeling instead of trying to “get away from” or “fix” it. In doing this you send the message internally that you can face this and are not going to let it control you anymore. In other words “You have it, instead of it having you.”

Go ahead and try this out, see if you can begin to break out of old ways of relating to yourself that don’t work and open up to all of life, saying “This is it!” Don’t take my word for it, try it out and see what happens.

Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice in West Los Angeles and is author of the upcoming book The Now Effect, co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, Foreword by Jon Kabat-Zinn, author of the Mindful Solutions at Work App, the Mindful Solutions audio series, and the Mindfulness at Work™ program currently being adopted in multiple multinational corporations. Join Elisha Goldstein's Facebook Community to keep up with important information, tips and events.

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TalkLife (May 18, 2009)

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    Last reviewed: 18 May 2009