How in the world does one “non-identify” with an emotion? I don’t understand that part at all.

Good question Niika. This could be an issue of semantics. What is meant by this is to take a step back and recognize that you are more than this emotion and the emotion is a part of you. When you identify with it, what is meant by that is that you feel you are that emotion. Rather, what we want to cultivate is the ability for more spaciousness where we can hold that emotion, even feel it, but recognize that it is one piece of us that comes and goes.

Many of us will say “I’m so angry!”, or “I’m sad” to describe how we’re feeling. That can be an example of identifying with an emotion. In other words- you are not that emotion, that emotion is a part of you. One way I practice to “Non-identify” with my emotions is to catch myself, and say “I feel angry”, or “I’m feeling a lot of anger right now”.

As I am in DBT, RAIN felt foreign to me. I enjoyed the challenge in seeing the same coping skills presented in a different way. I feel it’s important for me to not stray from what is working for me, but at the same time know it is ok to Investigate it, not clinging to what I’ve learned in DBT- not judging it as right, or wrong. It was fun to compare the 2.

Elisha,

Do you have any more specific advice (e.g., things to read, do) to help with the non-identification process? After living a relatively happy and stable life for 47 years, I have been suffering with Major Depression and anxiety for the last 10 months. I am using many techniques (including therapy, meds, amino acids, acupuncture) to get better but feel learning “non-identification” could be extrememly helpful. While I understand the concept, it’s been difficult for me to actualize. Any ideas? Thanks so much

One thing you can start doing is noticing the emotions as they’re there and also noticing any resistance to wanting to “be with” them. This blog may help: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mindfulness/2009/05/feeling-tension-some-words-to-live-by/

You may also want to begin doing some of the formal practices which is where insight comes in. On my CD for stress, anxiety, and depression there are 3 practices that progressively have you begin to approach yourself and then the final one guides you to “being with” emotions without identifying with them. Know, in the end, this practice is a process, like planting seeds in the garden, with attitudes of patience, persistence, and curiosity, we can begin to witness the garden unfolding.

I’ve had two panic attacks over the past 8 months. After I got over the anxiety being in the same situation where I had the first panic attack, I began having anxiety in a slightly different area of my life, thus the second attack. When I recently went through most of that second situation without much anxiety I started feeling panicky about something else. I want to try the R.A.I.N. thing, but I’m kind of afraid of my anxiety. When I feel less anxious I’m more likely to go into a depressive state. I was very depressed two years ago; I don’t want to go there again. I’m 16.

Amanda,
Although I’m much your senior (60!), I strongly identify with what you have described. Anxiety and depression have been my frequent companions since childhood, with reason. We are creatures of habit, and cling to the familiar–even when it’s unhealthy for us. So, although anxiety and depression do me no favors, they are what I’m most used to and comfortable with, which is so ironic. I actually “prefer” what scares me most, defining myself as embodying anxiety and depression. I see from Elisha’s “sneak peak” quote, however, that I, as a person, am much more than anxiety and depression, and the strong emotions associated with them. Instead, I sometimes experience the feeling of anxiety, and I sometimes experience the mood of depression. They are not synonymous with me–whether you think of the concept of self as personality, essence, identity, or soul. I am Elizabeth, just as you are Amanda, with many positive traits and qualities, who tends sometimes to feel intense anxiety, or to panic, or to be in a depressed mood for a period of time. All those states run their course and come to an end. I have a choice: I can facilitate that process, or I can prolong it.

R.A.I.N., both as an acronym and a technique, is new to me, as something I can put into practice myself, and I’m going to make an intentional effort to do so. I think good first steps for me would be to purchase Elisha’s CD mentioned in his posting of May 18, and check out the suggested online progressive program at Aliveworld. I recognize, however, that particularly with anxiety and panic, my therapist has been helping me do the same things in our sessions. (She recently encouraged me to put long hidden, newly revealed, and intense feelings of shame and fear–emotional overtures to panic–in a jar with a tightly closed lid, to be opened again only with her, if and as needed.) I encourage you to find a school counselor or a therapist who can work with you in a similar way, much earlier than I did! Also, know that I’m out here, thinking of you, and wishing you well in every way.

This is the living wisdom I am speaking of. Thank you all for engaging and supporting one another .

Hi,

I’ve been practicing RAIN for about a year now – having first heard of it in Tara Brach’s talks. I wanted to make a quick comment about the “N” (non-identification). It took me about 10 months of doing this practice before I began to feel any sense of non-identification. Before then, I just thought something was wrong with me, becuase I never felt the “N”@ Now, I’ve realised, that, depending on our different issues, or thought patterns, these things can just take time. I find it an excellent practice.

Emma