I often say that there are two things we can count on in this life besides death and taxes and that is stress and pain. Two thirds of Americans claim that they are likely to seek help for stress (American Psychological Association) and over 19 million Americans alone suffer from some form of anxiety. While this may seem like depressing statistics, it’s important to know and acknowledge the facts. When we know what the issues are, we can work toward a plan to alleviate then which cultivates the strength of hope.
However, it’s important to clarify that the problem isn’t stress. The problem is how we relate to the stress. Let me briefly lay the foundation for how a stress reaction works. Back in the day when we used to experience life-threatening situations (e.g., getting chased by a tiger), our blood got redirected to our muscles as our bodies got geared up to either fight or flee for the situation. This stress response is critical to our survival. It can save our lives or enable a firefighter to carry a 300-pound man down twenty flights of stairs. However, most of us don’t face these type of threats very often today, but instead a stress reaction is often created in response to a thought, emotion or physical sensation we have. If we’re actively worried about whether we’re going to be able to put food on the table or not getting the perfect score on the next exam, this reaction will be activated. If these systems don’t slow down and normalize, the effects can become disastrous and we can succumb to a variety of ailments including high blood pressure, muscle tension, anxiety, insomnia, gastro-digestive complaints, and a suppressed immune system which compromises the ability to fight disease.
So what can you do?
Creating space to come down from the worried mind and back into the present moment has been shown to be enormously helpful to people. When we are present we have a firmer grasp of all our options and resources which often make us feel better. Next time you find your mind racing with stress, try the acronym
S.T.O.P.:
S - Stop what you are doing, put things down for a minute.
T - Take a breath. Breathe normally and naturally and follow your breath coming in and of your nose. You can even say to yourself “in” as you’re breathing in and “out” as you’re breathing out if that helps with concentration.
O - Observe your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You can reflect about what is on your mind and also notice that thoughts are not facts and they are not permanent. If the thought arises that you are inadequate, just notice the thought, let it be, and continue on. Notice any emotions that are there and just name them. Recent research out of UCLA says that just naming your emotions can have a calming effect. Then notice your body. Are you standing or sitting? How is your posture? Any aches and pains.
P - Proceed with something that will support you in the moment. Whether that is talking to a friend or just rubbing your shoulders.
Many people who I discuss this with like to put this in their electronic calendars for a couple times a day and practice it even when they’re not stressed to get the feel for it so they can better remember to access it when they are stressed.
Please share your thoughts, questions, and comments below. What helps you when you are stressed? Your experiences in life hold wisdom that so many can benefit from.
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Thank you for doing this blog. I’ve read the first posts and now added it to my roll.
Martin, psychologystudent in Sweden
Great Martin, I look forward to interacting with you along the way.
Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.
I have just discovered your web page. I am so grateful! I run the DBT program at the local Mental Health center and have found that Mindfulness has made a big difference in my management of the stress of my job. I need to be refreshed and reminded to take time to use the skills I know to use. I appreciate your being available to offer some refreshment! Thanks
In my own practice I often suggest another acronym that an Australian psychiatrist introduced way back in the 50’s or 60’s. It’s a little harder to remember than “stop” : FAFA. Face,accept,flout,allow time to pass. 1.FACE that fact that you’re experiencing anxiety/panic/fear 2.ACCEPT the emotion rather than fighting it or struggling to try to eliminate it 3.FLOUT with the emotion, much like you might relax and flout in salt water. 4. ALLOW time to pass; she points out that with panic it almost always DOES pass in no more than 4 minutes! I often use this one myself and my patients find it really helpful. Martin thanks so much for this blog - it’s the first blog I’ve ever felt inspired to join and participate in! I sometimes have requests for referrals in the LA area and I’d be grateful if you could send me your contact info. I’m in the San Luis Obispo area if you’d ever want to send anyone my way - info on my website! Thank you for this…
Thank you so much for your additions here Jill, it sounds like the FAFA description resonates well with many people. Now it is here for everyone to benefit from!
What are your suggestions for a surgical tech working beside yelling surgeons when the procedure isn’t an emergency? The tech can’t stop what they’re doing or leave the OR or even say anything.
Thank you, Elisha. I am just becoming aware of mindfullness and it’s benefits. I spend a lot of time alone, which can be peaceful… but not always!
One thing that helps me is to talk to God about things that interest me or stress me and this calms me and focuses me in the now and helps bring me out of my stress or worry.
Thank you everyone for your responses. Sometimes we encounter people who really press our buttons and in the case that Arden is talking about, he can’t leave the OR and feels he can’t even say anything. To use this example, Arden, in the moment, something that the surgeons are doing (i.e., yelling) is causing discomfort in you. In looking closer at this, we might see a reaction to this discomfort in the form of distressing thoughts or feelings. There is often some kind of impulse to get away from this distressing feeling. In practicing becoming more aware of the present moment, we can learn to approach these thoughts, feelings, and breathe with them instead of trying to get away from them. We can do this in the moment while the distress is occurring. It’s in the avoidance where we find our greatest struggle. In order to become more effective at this, it’s important to practice when the distress is not so high. Most of all, know this is a practice and takes time to cultivate. But over time it will be a more gentle, compassionate, and effective route to go for your own health and well-being.
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