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Acceptance-Based Perfectionism

Reality At Its Practical (Not Theoretical) Best

There are two ways to look at yourself and reality: a) dualistically—as either perfect or imperfect, or b) nondualistically—as neither perfect nor imperfect.  You have a choice of psychological software:  seeing the world as a discrepancy between "what is" and "what should be," or seeing the world as it actually is.

The following ten points are a kind of new operating platform to serve as an antidote to the dichotomous/dualistic/all-or-nothing cognitive style that ruins our lives.

1.  A state that is so flawless, so immaculate, so error free, so complete that nothing can be added to it to make it better is a state beyond improvement.  That is theoretical perfection.
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Acceptance-Based Perfectionism

To Seek Approval is to Seek Dependence


Let’s say that after months of unemployment I finally landed a nice job. You are my new boss, and you just bought a new car.  You ask me: “What do you think?  Like it?”  Not wanting to get on your bad side, I say yes.  You like my response.  You decide to mentor me.  I tolerate that.

Over time, however, I lose myself.   I get conditioned or programmed to look at the world as you do, to value what you value.  I become dependent on the subjectivity of your approval.  What started out as adaptive approval-seeking led to a partial loss of self.  In seeking your approval, I got carried away by the currents of your subjectivity.

Lesson learned: to seek approval is to seek dependence; to seek dependence is to lose your sense of self. 
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Acceptance-Based Perfectionism

There Are No Mistakes

No One Makes Mistakes On Purpose (Sabotage Notwithstanding)

The phrase “to make a mistake” implies purposive, conscious, planned action.  That’s utterly inaccurate: there are no intentional mistakes, no one consciously sets out to fail.

When we fail on purpose, when we make a mistake by design, we are actually succeeding with some kind of covert plan.  Therefore, even an act of conscious sabotage isn’t a mistake (to you) even if takes the form of a mistake (to others).

Bottom-line: No one makes mistakes because no one ever makes a mistake on purpose (sabotage notwithstanding). 
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360 of Compassion

Happy New Spin to You!


A year – astronomically – is a spin of a celestial object around a center of gravity.  In our – Earthly – case, a year is, of course, a spin around the Sun.

As we yearn for stability and balance in our lives, we are zipping around the Sun at an orbital speed of 30 kilometers per second (that’s 108,000 kilometers per hour) – and not down some well-paved straight line, but on a perpetual curve, without any chance of ever getting off this mind-boggling ride!

Ponder this as well: a straight line is but a geometrical abstraction.  We live in the world of tremendous centripetal/ego-centric forces and inevitable curvatures. 
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Acceptance-Based Perfectionism

Mindful New Year to You, Idealist!

Not every year can be necessarily a happy one, but even an unhappy year can be a mindful one. So, instead of wishing you a happy new year, I'd like to wish you a mindful one; not a year of presents but a year of presence!

In reviewing my 2010 posts, I'd like to replay this one theme, that of redefining perfection and of noticing the ordinary perfection all around us.

The ideas behind this theme represent my most treasured thoughts, the thoughts that have allowed me personally and professionally to leverage most wellbeing out of this one and only reality that we have.
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Acceptance-Based Perfectionism

Digital Age Hopes, Stone Age Acceptance

Most weeks I pick up two or three random books (from a local store that sells used books).  Some of them I read cover to cover, others – I skim.  I find this routine of mine to be an essential part of my mind’s hygiene.  Random informational inputs challenge and change my mindware (my assumptions, my fund of knowledge, my association networks).

Here are two thought-notes (that I came across in my readings this past week) that struck a cord with me…
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Self-Forgiveness Isn’t a Responsibility-Shirking Excuse

Know all and you will pardon all.
Thomas A’Kempis
This is a follow-up to my previous post Rediscovering Your Motivational Innocence.  As I see it, when you dig down to the motivational depths of all behavior, there is only one core motive: pursuit of wellbeing – we all move away from pain towards pleasure.  It is my firm belief that all conscious existence is lined up along this motivational vector.  The rest is just variations on the theme.  How we go about...
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There Are No Mistakes

No One Makes Mistakes On Purpose (Sabotage Notwithstanding)

I did my best… I did my best!
Dane Cook, comedian

The phrase “to make a mistake” implies purposive, conscious, planned action.  That’s utterly inaccurate: there are no intentional mistakes, no one consciously sets out to fail.

When we fail on purpose, when we make a mistake by design, we are actually succeeding with some kind of covert plan.  Therefore, even an act of conscious sabotage isn’t a mistake (to you) even if takes the form of a mistake (to others).

Bottom-line: No one makes mistakes because no one ever makes a mistake on purpose (sabotage notwithstanding). 
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