This post is from this month’s edition of “Good News for Eating Disorders Recovery.” I hope you enjoy it!
You Are Your Own Reward
The first time this phrase came to my mind I can still remember thinking, “Oh good god.”
I mean – seriously? Do ‘real’ people (aka people like me) actually say things like this?
As it turns out, they do. They even say things like this and mean them.
Not so long ago I went through a period where life really, really, REALLY started to feel like a thankless job.
Everywhere I turned there were endings. Conflict. Misunderstandings. Heartache.
I wanted off. Out. I wanted to find the person who had signed me up for this – this thing – this life – without my permission and, well, do whatever came naturally.
I caught myself looking around for ‘comforts’ – trying to ease my own pain, limit my own stress, locate and annex tiny moments of joy so my own days no longer felt so endless, or bleak.
It took me awhile to realize that the reward I was seeking was the one I already had.
There I was, going through it, getting through it, waking up each day and going head to head with the unknown yet again, absolutely refusing to see any other outcome other than a positive one (even and especially if I couldn’t fathom what that could possibly be yet).
It wasn’t a fun period of time. I’m glad it’s over. And I don’t want it to come back.
But out of it I got that treasure of treasures – the active, undeniable, day to day experience of me showing up for me, as me, in my own life.
In the same way, it may be so easy for you to miss the sight of yourself, making yourself proud, showing up for yourself again and again even when you would rather do anything but.
It is very easy for you to miss seeing this. But I see it so clearly.
My wish for you this month is that you will at last realize that YOU – as you – for you – …