If we are to believe shame and vulnerability researcher Brene Brown, vulnerability can just about cure cancer.

The thing is, I believe her.

I first heard about Brene’s work several years ago. She happens to do her research at the University of Houston, and I happen to live in Houston. So I had visions of sitting down with her over coffee, sharing with her about how shame is a factor for those who develop eating disorders.

But I think (know) that she already knew that.

In her latest talk for TED.com, called “Listening to Shame”, Brene implicates the all-too-human experience of shame in the development of just about everything that hurts and kills us.

Addiction.
Eating disorders.
Depression.
Anxiety.
Suicide.
You name it.

Vulnerability, on the other hand, is a necessary ingredient in the antidote to shame.

There is an old saying that a pessimist complains because roses have thorns, while an optimist rejoices because thorns have roses.

We realists tend to fall somewhere in between. We can see the necessity of the thorns to protect the delicate blossoms from marauding insects – and humans – yet also see the necessity of the roses to dress up an otherwise somewhat undesirable form of plant life.

But loving either perspective does not always come naturally. In other words, we simply cannot seem to cure ourselves of wanting thornless roses.

There is an often-quoted Twelve Step principle that I have not paid much attention to….until recently.

Recently, while reading a book my own mentor recommended to me (Marianne Williamson’s “A Return to Love”) I stumbled across it again (my mentor’s a subtle gal, let me tell you!)

“Acting as if”.

As Marianne explains it, I am starting to understand the importance of this principle for the first time.

For instance, when we see our fear – of socializing, food, intimacy, growing up, being responsible, whatever it is – we can acknowledge that it is there.

We can say to ourselves, “Wow – I learned something new about me today. I never knew I was so scared (of whatever it is).”

What comes next is the critical mass point. Because we then face a fork in the road. Option A – we can then proceed to wallow in the experience of the fear (I am very, very good at wallowing).

Or Option B – we can “act as if” we are not afraid – now, today – and just go and do, say, or become whatever it is we now know we’ve been so afraid of.