womanintrenchcoatI can’t tell you how much it annoys me when I read statements like, “you are the one you’ve been waiting for.”

Really? I think. Nope. I’m pretty certain I’ve been waiting for someone else.

But the truth is, I’ve not so much been waiting FOR someone else, but I’ve been waiting to BECOME someone else – someone I like better, someone who matters more, someone with more influence or confidence, someone prettier, smarter, happier, smoother in the art of life and the living of it.

I’m 42 now, so I’ve been waiting for a while.

I mentioned in my last post that I planned to devote that post and this one to my latest read, “Solemate” by Lauren Mackler.

What I want to talk about in this post is an exercise Ms. Mackler proposes that I am fascinated by but am having trouble actually doing. This is because I find it daunting. It is one of those tasks that will force me to look very honestly at areas where a) I am too scared, b) I am too lazy, c) I have beliefs like “that is impossible for me”, etc….and then work on each of those things.


But still – I can’t stop thinking about this exercise. In the exercise, the book suggests that you write down all of the qualities you seek in your “ideal partner.” Ms. Mackler gives a guided visualization to help readers do this, but basically just think of where the other person lives, what their house looks like, what they do, how much money they make, how they treat themselves, how they treat you, how they treat others, etc etc – and then write it all down.

After you do that, the next step is to highlight all the areas where what you do or how you treat yourself is different than what is on your list.

You see? Now you understand why I find it so intimidating. The goal is not to find someone ELSE to fill in those gaps in your life….but to fill them in yourself.

This sound fantastic to me. I really want to do this.

Or I will really want to do this, as soon as I finish looking for someone else to do it for me.

Today’s Takeaway: Do you find the idea of becoming your own ideal partner disheartening, empowering, or some of each? Have you ever done an exercise like this? I do plan to do it….eventually….and I promise to post my results here!

Woman in a trench coat image available from Shutterstock.



View Comments / Leave a Comment

This post currently has 6 comments.
You can read the comments or leave your own thoughts.

    Last reviewed: 13 Jun 2013

APA Reference
Cutts, S. (2013). Becoming the Love of Your Own Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 31, 2015, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mentoring-recovery/2013/06/becoming-the-love-of-your-own-life/



Subscribe to this Blog: Feed

Recent Comments
  • Shannon Cutts: Yup-I hear you. Life is full of surprises- just when we think we have everything just so –...
  • chely: Wishing I had a mentor that’s for sure. Good post – keeps me grounded ( as much as possible) to...
  • Shannon Cutts: You are so welcome, Kristi!
  • Kristi: This is absolutely wonderful. Thank you for writing and sharing this!
  • Shannon Cutts: You are so welcome, Maisen – it just reminds me that we all struggle with something and we all...
Find a Therapist
Enter ZIP or postal code

Users Online: 12240
Join Us Now!