The Antidote to My Love-Fear
As I mentioned in my last blog post, I’ve been really enjoying reading my new don Miguel Ruiz book “The Mastery of Love”….so much so that (way contrary to my typical style) instead of speed-reading I’ve been reading extra-slow to be sure I don’t miss anything.
In the book, Ruiz states that love has several attributes. In the presence of these attributes we can know we are also in the presence of love. In their absence, well….basically, we’re not likely to find love in those places.
The attributes are as follows:
- Love has no obligations.
- Love has no expectations.
- Love is based on respect.
- Love is ruthless (as in compassionate not pitying).
- Love is completely responsible.
- Love is always kind.
- Love is just (if you make a mistake you only pay for it once).
- Love is unconditional.
- Love gives more than it takes (without ever allowing itself to be taken advantage of).
It feels a bit anticlimactic writing it all down now, but as I was reading about each attribute I could feel something not unlike a noose untying itself from around my own neck.
In particular, I love this quote, “To master a relationship is all about you. The first step is to become aware, to know that everyone dreams his own dream. Once you know this, you can be responsible for your half of the relationship, which is you. If you know that you are only responsible for half the relationship, you can easily control your half. It is not up to us to control the other half. If we respect, we know that our partner, or friend, or son, or mother, is completely responsible for his or her own half. If we respect the other half, there is always going to be peace in that relationship.”
Reading this passage was like finding out my birthday present this year is getting one million dollars daily for 365 straight days (in other words, a gift with five-star awesomeness!):-)
I thought to myself, “Now THIS I can do.” All those other things I often worry about in love-based connections, like whether I am reading the other person’s signals right or acting independent enough or adjusting my expectations according to the “stage” we are in (this has often been a big one for me – blech)…all that worry disappears when I read Ruiz’s statements about love.
According to Ruiz, love takes care of its part, and shows enough respect to let the other participant take care of their half – however well or poorly they choose to do that. And I can do that. I can definitely do that.
Today’s Takeaway: What do you take from reading Ruiz’s words on the characteristics and behaviors of love? Do you find it reassuring? Disturbing? Enlightening? Something else? How might Ruiz’s wisdom impact relationships where you feel more struggle to simply let them flow?
Heart in hands photo available from Shutterstock
Cutts, S. (2013). The Antidote to My Love-Fear. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 6, 2016, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/mentoring-recovery/2013/04/the-antidote-to-my-love-fear/