Good News

How I Discovered the Truth About Receiving and Giving

When I first became sick with an eating disorder, I didn't really know what was happening to me.

But I knew it didn't feel good.

And I knew I didn't feel good - about my disease, or about me.

So when I first starting trying to recover, I accepted others' help only because I had exhausted all other options.

I didn't feel worthy of their time. I didn't think I deserved the gifts of their compassion and mentoring guidance.

Yet, it still felt very good to receive what they had to offer.

As I received more and more and began to really fill up on love and grace and self-worth for the first time ever, something amazing occurred.

I began to long to give to others. 
Continue Reading


Finding My Line in the Sand

Last week I had a very enlightening experience.

The short story is that I was offered a writing job that I turned down.

The long story is that what the company was asking me to do didn't jive well with what I call my "internal moral code."

Basically, it all started when I saw a job posting for a freelance writer who specializes in academic papers.

While I do not specialize in this type of writing, I felt like all the "A's" I still remember receiving for high school and college essay assignments indicated I might still have the chops to pull it off.

Plus the pay was pretty good.

So I applied for it and got the job.

After I got the job, I started the training process and quickly began to question what I was really doing.

After taking a closer look at the company's website (something I absolutely admit I should have done before applying!), I realized my job was basically to write academic papers for high school, college and graduate students - including med school students - to use in their academic studies.

Ooooooo. Or, I should say, ewwwwwwww.

So I talked to my dad about it. I described the job and watched his expression change. His expression mirrored the changes going on in my stomach as I processed the idea of helping students cheat their way through their classes.

Then I did some research online to see how companies like this one (and there are many around the world, I discovered) can legally do what they are doing.

Their defense is a good one - they say they are just providing the papers to help the students (who are ordering and paying for them) generate creative ideas and do some advance research.

But the extensive testimonials from student-customers crowing over the A's these papers have earned them beg to differ.

At last I realized that, however legal (or not) the service may be, it simply didn't sit right with me. It just didn't. I wiggled and squirmed and squished myself up in all manner of ways, and I still couldn't see myself writing one. single. paper. for this company.


At that point I extricated myself as politely and expeditiously as I could.

But this whole experience has led me to question how our individual and respective "lines in the sand" get drawn.

What if, for example, I had been raised in a culture that actually embraces "getting away with something" or skirting "the system?"

What if my folks had valued the grey areas of life above the white (good) and black (bad) and encouraged me to dive into the grey and go exploring?

What if my mentors had actively modeled methods for doing the least work possible and getting the most results? 
Continue Reading

Animal Mentors

Of Dogs and Prisoners

I have always had a phobia about being locked up.

No matter how alluring the crime or how rich the prize, even the vaguest thought of being sent to prison afterwards would be sufficient motivation to keep me honest.

Not to mention that orange is definitely NOT the new black in my personal color palette, and I really like my personal space (a whole house full of it when I can get it).

Plus, prison seems to make already grumpy people even grumpier, and since you become like the folks you spend the most time with, that is a whole lot of grumpy I'd like to avoid.

But when I saw a documentary called "Dogs on the Inside" on Netflix, I just had to check it out. Reason being, I had the thought that if they are now allowing prisoners to bring their pets with them, I might be able to at least downgrade it to my "minor fears" list.

Turns out that isn't precisely what "Dogs on the Inside" refers to.

But it is still really, really cool. 
Continue Reading


Why I’m Not So Sure I Want to Look “Ageless”

I'm turning 45 this year.

That means I have been on this planet for 45 years (or almost 46 if you count the initial 9 months).


I will be honest - I don't feel 45.

I don't feel any age, really. If I had to pick an age, I would say it would be one that is much younger than the one I actually am, although I'm not exactly sure which age that would be.

I just feel like, with every year that goes by, more and more layers of "applied persona" - various masks and camo outfits and disguises I felt the need to adopt during different earlier stages of my life - peel back to reveal the essence of who I really am.

Like emerging from a particularly transformative shower, turning 45 feels like a reward for all the intense time and scrubbing it took to get me this clean.

So imagine my reaction to a recent short post by Susanna Schrobsdorff (editor of Real Simple and 51 year-old mom to two) where she shared:

I've already seen "Sexy at 70" headlines. Will everyone be expected to go to their graves looking hot?

Oh goodness. I certainly hope not!

I was actually quite looking forward to the days when, like my 70-ish parents, I could pause with genuine shock after reading an editorial and say, "Women are getting what done to which part of their anatomy? But WHY?!"

Why, indeed.

Why would women (and increasing numbers of men) go into debt to get various portions of their physical being frozen, snipped, clipped, trimmed, suctioned away or otherwise re-routed...especially when, as Schrobsdorff states:

It's all so exhausting. 
Continue Reading


Singletasking: the Antidote to Multitasking


This delightful word recently crossed my path courtesy of a short magazine article (the only kind I usually manage to both begin and finish these days).

Perhaps my inability to commit to longer magazine articles is because I am too busy multitasking.

According to singletasking guru Devora Zack, this is a common problem. She says the problem arises because our brains are not wired for multitasking.

And when she says "not wired" she means it literally. 
Continue Reading

Animal Mentors

Optimist Versus Realist Versus Pessimist

As I've gotten older, I've increasingly realized the lines separating behavior that is "optimistic," "realistic" and "pessimistic" are blurrier than I thought.

So rather than getting all tangled up in the various permutations of each, I try to keep it simple and choose my "optimist mentors" wisely.

Let's take my baby tortoise, Malti, as an example.

She loves to go outside and play. In particular, she enjoys a game I call "Malti tries to sneak in the forbidden gate....again."

The game is played like so: I let Malti down in the yard, and she takes off. She makes a beeline parallel to the fence all the way to the gate that closes off my neighbor's yard (which is full of cats, dogs, chickens, a huge koi pond and large water turtles).

Her goal? To get to the gate and under the wrought iron spikes.

My goal? To catch her before she achieves her goal.

Here I've learned that baby tortoises can suddenly get a lot faster when you take your eye off them for a few seconds.

I've also learned that Malti can play this game all day long (and I do mean ALL day long).

She never ever ever gets tired of trying to get inside the forbidden gate.  
Continue Reading


When Your Day Has Made Other Plans

Often I like to start my day by lying in bed (for as long as possible) planning out my day.

I'll think about what I will do first, next, and after that. I'll think about what the pets need and what I need to do for work and then I'll make a resolution to achieve each of those priorities.

Then I get up.

It is usually around this time when I learn, once again, that my day has already made other plans without me.

Every so often, things will go the way I have decided they should go, with the hours following along dutifully behind me like a particularly well-trained puppy.

But mostly I have found that attempting to enforce "my way" is about as futile as trying to convince my waffle-loving parrot, Pearl, that he doesn't really want a waffle after all.

Pearl always wants a waffle. Always.

When I struggle against how a day is unfolding, I usually arrive at its end battered and bruised on the inside. 
Continue Reading


How Trauma Has Mentored Me

Out of all the experiences I have had in my 44+ years to date, "trauma" is not one of my favorites.

For example, I did not enjoy the two decades I spent trying to heal from an eating disorder.

I didn't like my subsequent lengthy battle with anxiety and then depression.

I didn't enjoy losing my friend David, both of my best friend's parents, my first cockatiel, Jacob, and our family's dachshund, JP Morgan.

I also didn't enjoy my tumor...
Continue Reading

Animal Mentors

How a Puppy Taught Me to Trust My Gut

I didn't blog about it at the time, but back in July of this year we lost our 13 year-old dachshund, JP Morgan, Sr.

JP and I shared a birthday.

He was just one year younger than my parrot, Pearl.

Like the rest of his family, he enjoyed naps, walking slowly, watching TV and eating.

He also loved people.

He wasn't super crazy about other dogs, but man oh man did he crave the company of people! When my mom would take him out for a walk, he would stop when he saw a person walk by and refuse to move until that person (even if they were a total stranger) came over to give him a pat.

If ever I have met an animal whose sole purpose was to love and be loved, it was Morgan.

He went into a decline quite rapidly, losing the use of his hind legs, then his back half and all the functions that go with it. With surgery out of the question (long story) and cancer, an enlarged heart and other assorted ills already present, the kindest choice seemed to be to assist him to depart.

But this was quite a difficult choice for his little human family to make!

As fate would have it, I had just begun reading a series of books by Marta Williams, an environmental biologist-turned animal communicator (I started with "Learning Their Language: Intuitive Communication with Animals and Nature").

I had no idea I would end up calling Marta just a few weeks later for help connecting with JP in his final week. I just knew the book title intrigued me and the idea of being able to somehow intuitively communicate with the non-human world tugged at my heart strings.

When I emailed Marta, we had no idea what to expect.  
Continue Reading

Good News

That Moment You First Meet Your Best You

For so many years I have lived with the suspicion that there is a much kinder, sweeter, more loving being inside me than the one I spend most of my waking hours with.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not lodging a complaint about being "conscious me." These days, I feel like I mostly do a reasonably good job of staying optimistic, seeing the positive, treating myself and others with kindness and respect, and always trying to do my best.

I'm talking about something far beyond these basics.

I'm talking about a being who is - luminous. Expansive. Tuned in.

I'm talking about an "inner me" who maybe wouldn't even be able to manifest in my day-to-day without significant interruptions to that same day-to-day (for reasons of aforementioned luminosity, expansiveness, and empathy).

Recently, I realized that this being exists. I have proof.

She has always been there. I have proof of this too. 
Continue Reading