What I Learned From My Depression

By Erica Loberg • 2 min read

Well, we are coming to the end of my depression series. It took a lot of strength to climb my way out of the cave. I can see the sun on the horizon, and thankfully, I finally feel better. It’s not completely over, or perfect, but I can reflect on the past few weeks to educate myself on what helped, and what didn’t. Everyone’s depression is unique, everyone’s coping skills are personal. Looking back here is what I learned from my depression:

Therapy: After years of fighting it, or being in denial about the need for professional help, I finally started working with a therapist and thus far, it has been an extraordinary experience. It has been eye opening in a way I never thought I would experience. I can’t believe it took me this long to take a step toward help. I always thought that I knew my issues, I just didn’t want to deal with them, but now I have a safe place and person I can trust and help walk me through understanding myself, and my behaviors. Therapy is going to be in my life period, and I am truly grateful for that.

Not Working Out: I stopped beating myself up for not working out as regularly as I used to, and initially I feared getting out of shape, or gaining weight, but the guilt that weighed on my shoulders only made my depression worse. I learned that it is okay to allow the body and mind to rest. I agree that working out is important to helping the mind handle depression but, if you can’t make yourself get to the gym, that is okay. Feeling bad about yourself for taking a break only exacerbates depression so don’t let your lack of your normal pattern of exercise get the best of you. Give yourself a rest and a break during hard times.

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7 Tips on How to Survive Christmas Dinner

By Erica Loberg • 2 min read

I’m just gonna cut straight to the chase. Christmas dinner can be ROUGH. Once you sit down with your loved ones, it is game time. Here are seven tips to help get through the Christmas feast, or fiasco, or whatever you want to call it:

One: Being put on the spot

When a conversation that you are not interested in participating in turns your way, or requests your attention, or a response, just sip on your egg nog, your water, your wine, your gravy, whatever, and fake a coughing fit. Most likely you’ll get a get out of jail free card cause, quick frankly, you can’t speak. You don’t have to engage in every conversation.

Two: Fake a phone

Your cell phone can be a major ally when you need an out. It could be considered rude to take a phone call during dinner but so what, for example, “It’s work, I gotta take this.” Just make sure you set your alarm on two or three minutes before you plan to exit and when it rings, pick it up, fake talk to a person that is not on the other line and put up your finger to the table and say “One sec.” Simply put: Anyone can be on the other line when it is fake. 

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“The Doctor’s Note” Depression and your job

By Erica Loberg • 1 min read

shutterstock_159284885I don’t know why they say, “Go to your doctor.” I’ve been in a hole the past week and need a doctors note to justify my absence at work which really isn’t happening and shows the stupidity of the modern age to expect someone with a mental illness to make it a doctor for a note.

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Meditation: The Rosary in the Sauna

By Erica Loberg • 2 min read

shutterstock_126043553Meditation is hard. It takes discipline, time, and regularity. It takes a lot. I have always struggled with meditating. Even with my mood stabilizer, I’ve always had rushed thoughts that have made it hard for me to sit down, be still and chill. When I read about meditation and all the forms it entails I thought ok, I’ll pray as a form of meditation, cause although my mind won’t be blank, if I focus on Hail Mary’s, at least I’ll get a break from my normal storm of thoughts.

So where does this meditation take place? The sauna.

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Seasonal Depression: Sorry God, I didn’t make it to mass this year

By Erica Loberg • 1 min read

shutterstock_140341981I missed Thanksgiving this year and, to be honest, I don’t really feel bad about it. I convinced myself I would be a downer or not able to fake it, so I decided to stay home and relax. I’ve been honest with myself, and my family, about my depression which has been hard since not all of us like to communicate the truth about our hard times; especially when we try to avoid worrying someone or becoming a red flag in the family. It is hard to survive the holidays when there is pressure to be social.

Some of us have pressure to attend religious celebrations like going to church or synagogue and you don’t want to come across as unholy cause you missed the obligation to attend a service. Religious guilt can be the worse. As an Irish Catholic I feel like I have the cross to bear of guilt coupled with the disease to please which can be rough. It can be a lot to handle when you’re not feeling like yourself. If you take on the pressure of family gatherings, your high school alumni holiday party, office pot lucks, neighborhood celebrations, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day (and the list goes on and on) it seems like you are letting all sorts of people down. You’re not. The only person you are letting down can be yourself.

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Stop The Madness: Robin Williams Psych Meds

By Erica Loberg • Less than a min read

shutterstock_168650885My sister heard me sound upset over the phone during a recent episode of depression. Then she sent me this article which turned my depression into an angry beast. (See link below.)

My thoughts on it, can’t wait to hear yours…

Why is it that mainstream media doesn’t look at the more then obvious fact that Robin Williams was medicated for mental health and had a drug that might have prompted his suicide? Why is everyone trying to hide it? Why is everyone so ignorant? Or why is everyone so afraid? Why are we still here in this modern age shoving aside obvious reasons why people kill themselves. Why people go on killing streaks in schools, or movie theaters. Why are we so un-evolved that we look at the glossy forest but can’t see the trees?

Are we a lost people, or just stupid.

When and how are things going to start to break through and make a tiny change? I’m not asking for people to recognize or understand, or accept, or not fear mental illness. I’m just angry that we put a known blanket over a bright hot pink elephant in our culture.

Stop the madness. Really, people.


Pill image available from Shutterstock.

Depression Part VI: It Was My Period

By Erica Loberg • 2 min read

shutterstock_206136703It was my period. That was the reason I lost it last weekend and plummeted into a terrible bed glued depression. I didn’t understand most of the technical psych terms my psychiatrist used when he tried to explain it to me but thankfully, now I know, I am not crazy, I just need to watch out when the next menstrual cycle comes around. I don’t recall ever having this problem in the past when I was on the same antidepressant so this is all new to me. I went into my session knowing that he wasn’t going to change my meds cause I guess I am doing better then our last session. It’s hard to know what to say when you see your doctor. You want to squeeze as much information in the expensive time you have to get answers and positive results and that alone is a stress. But all you can do is do your best to retell the stories you lived through since you started taking a medication and hope it’s enough to help your shrink monitor your behavior.

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Depression Part V

By Erica Loberg • 2 min read

shutterstock_197496518Well, tomorrow is the big day. My first psychiatrist appointment since he prescribed an antidepressant for me, and I am not sure what to tell him. I’ve been trying to track how my antidepressant has affected me these past several weeks and, to be honest, it’s all a confusing mess between seeing good things, experiencing bad things, and finding no changes in my mental health at all but some movement, I think.

So, I had two weekends that I was social and managed to leave my place. Then out of nowhere this past weekend I couldn’t get out of bed and cried uncontrollably over external difficulties with the plot of my life like a breakup that continues to haunt me (and I really screwed up cause during my crying episode I called him after months of being strong and staying away), hardships at work that are only getting worse, and fighting change when I desperately need but change is hard for me. But these challenges have always been the case so I can’t say external issues caused the crying, but this crying was bad. It didn’t stop and I couldn’t place it or understand why now? Did I screw up my med dosage?

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Depression Part IV

By Erica Loberg • 1 min read

shutterstock_166013861Weekend number three happened. I’m still trying to monitor how my antidepressant I started about a month ago is working. So, let’s see, weekend number one I went out dancing alone at a hip hop club. Weekend number two I went out dancing at a DJ warehouse party and tore up the dance floor, alone. And now it’s weekend number three and we’ll see what happens…

Weekend number three was tragic.

Something has gone wrong. I don’t know what happened, I just know that I couldn’t get out of my bed yesterday and cried in my sheets. The kind of cry from the bowls of your stomach that you haven’t ever heard spill out of your mouth. I couldn’t make it to work today, which is just another added stress. I’ve been trying to figure out or gage what the antidepressant is doing or how it is working, or not, and I’m lost.

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Depression & Self Medicating

By Erica Loberg • 1 min read

shutterstock_108101000It’s the second weekend since I’ve seen some changes in my behavior since I started my antidepressant, most specifically, my social life. Last weekend I went out dancing and this past weekend I really went out dancing. A friend of mine invited me to some DJ dance party in the Arts District in Downtown LA. It was one of those warehouse parties where you walk down an unknown alley and a bouncer stands by a door, stamps your hand, and the doors open to the scene. I am not a “scener.” The last time I was at a huge house dance party I was in my early twenties living in New York. I was not yet diagnosed with Bipolar II so found myself going out all the time and dancing out all my mania.

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