When a woman cheats on their man with another woman, it can be a huge ego buster for the guy.  However, if a man cheats on their woman with another man, the woman may be more inclined to prefer that situation for a woman may be more jealous if their partner cheated on them with another woman.  Sounds complicated.  It is. How would you feel if your mate cheated with a member of the same sex?  Would you prefer homosexual infidelity given the choice?

What do you think?

FAMILY LUNCHEON LOS ANGELES, CA

“You got it from your mother’s side of the family.”

It came out of my father’s mouth before the waiter even put down the chopsticks. He smiled and meant it in a friendly let’s break unbreakable ice manner but underneath that comment was a blame game that seemed to free himself from any connection to the connection to mental illness. My mom sat silent. Somehow someone was going to be blamed and it wasn’t going to be the Loberg gene stream. I wouldn’t change my brain, or switch genes. After everything I’ve been through, and all the ongoing internal carnal manic magic I’ve lived in, I’m grateful. I’m not ashamed, unlike the long line waiting for centuries behind a family member suffering from a mental illness.

“Maud”

By Lord Alfred Tennyson

What! am I raging alone as my father raged in his mood? Must I too creep to the hollow and dash myself down and die.

It was as awkward as awkward would be given the fact that my parents now had a child that was diagnosed with Bipolar II and they came from a generation that really didn’t know anything about this condition and if they did, they sure as hell is beneath schizophrenic feet not speak of it.

Excerpt from “Inside the Insane” 

Daughter in the middle image available from Shutterstock.

My ideas are important

And

At some point we think

Maybe nobody gets it.

Then at that point you think

I’m not giving up.

-eml

Mental illness has several voices to stand by it.  People give their experiences, their intellect, their stories, and insight, and not everyone will get it. Just keep writing.

Woman writing under a tree image available from Shutterstock.

We’ve all been there.  And, it’s enough to drive anyone crazy.

POEM: CRAZY GAMES

What if I don’t call him?

And see how long it takes

For him to call me.

How come not calling him

Makes him call me?

Do I have to play children’s board games:

Chutes and Ladders

Parcheesi

Connect the Dots

Memory

Risk?

Do I have to play

Battle Ship Down

And not call you?

To see

If you’ll call me?

Games

Couple dancing image available from Shutterstock.

Work: Pushing food can happen a lot around the work place. For example, “Donuts everyone!” and someone brings a dozen donuts for the office, and you might be frowned upon for not participating. People feel better having a “no-no” food for breakfast if they have someone else to share in it.  It makes them feel better so now you are in a situation where they might push food on you.

Pushing Food: “Have a donut.” And you decline. “Come on, they’re fresh, don’t you want any?” And that answer can be met with a frown.  Now that co-worker feels guilty for eating the donut, and his or her disappointment in having no one to eat something “bad” first thing in the morning can cause bitterness.  But you are not the problem.  You might feel like you are the bad guy for not engulfing 200 unnecessary calories when really it is the person on the other end that has the problem. Let their drama go.

Pressure:  Peer pressure goes way back to our childhood.  Sometimes when everyone is partaking in a cake sitting in the kitchen, you’ll get a band wagon effect that can result in pressure by your peers, or a roll of the eye. “She’s so Atkins.”  Or, “You’re no fun.”  Why?  Cause I don’t want to wolf down a bagel slapped in cream cheese before I even check my email?”  Ah, no.

Guilt: Do not let someone else’s issues effect your decision to pass on the donut, or brownie, or cup of coffee.  It’s five in the afternoon and someone wants to make a fresh pot of coffee, but, doesn’t want to drink it alone. “Who wants coffee?”  And no one responds.  So, most likely that person will refrain from making the coffee out of guilt and become annoyed.  So what, deal with it.

Resentment:  A person might resent you for not eating something bad with them.  Why?  Because it makes them feel better that they are not the only one having that cookie.   Don’t let resentment make you think you are a bad person.  You have the right to eat what you want, and if your co-workers exhibit resentment, it really isn’t directed toward you.  That person is annoyed with themselves for not being more disciplined in their food choices.  Don’t let your decision to be healthy make you feel bad or worse, eat it to appease another.  No gracias.

We are in control of your diet.  Don’t let the above factors stray you off your path.  Who cares what they think, let them eat cake!

Woman eating donut image available from Shutterstock.

Hits below the belt

Under the surface

Of yourself.

Whether it’s your relationship

Or your professional life

However it unfolds.

It’s the uncertainties of the plot of

Your life

That makes us move forward

As we doubt

We keep going.

I let the comments fly, cause everyone has a right to their opinion.

Thinking deeper…

We put certain judgements on a parent, male or female, that stays home with the kids.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/manic-depression/2013/05/14/the-stay-at-home-dad-let-the-double-standard-continue/

So, I ditched the appointment and was driving with my significant other and thought, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know I skipped my appointment, why should he.  Should he?

No, cause he doesn’t know what’s up, or, why I decided I didn’t want to go so, there’s nothing to report. 

But why do I hide it?  It’s more simple then we think.  I don’t want him to worry about my mental health.  He doesn’t fully understand it anyway, so, it only becomes a weird red flag when really, it’s no big deal.

Nothing has changed all that much since the last time I went to my shrink so, what’s the point of dropping more cash on nothing.  No problemas here.  Same shit.  But why do I keep my mouth shut in the car.  Why don’t I say, “I skipped my shrink appointment today.”

Why?  Cause then it will be a big deal.  When it’s not. I know what’s up, and not everyone has to.

Woman hiding face image available from Shutterstock.

The impending publication of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5) has kindled fiery debate about whether Americans are being vastly over-diagnosed with mental illness or if Americans are psychologically sicker than they used to be.

The new “bible” of psychiatric diagnoses, which will be released later this month, includes new disorders relating to grief, childhood temper tantrums, binge eating, PMS, and painful sex (now called genito-pelvic pain/penetration disorder), among others. It has also changed how existing conditions—including oft-polarizing ADHD and autism—are diagnosed.

According to the new definitions the DSM-5 uses, some experts predict about 50 percent of U.S. citizens could be diagnosed as “mentally ill” at some point during their lifetime.

Experts and organizations have given their two cents on the whole thing, but I am interested in the viewpoints and stories of people who have actually grabbled with their mental illness. When I published my tell all book, “Inside the Insane” about treatment of the mentally ill in LA County hospitals, a lot of people were not happy with my insight, and said I wasn’t a “clinician” so my views were not valid. Ah, no.  Try living with a disease and experiencing it firsthand.  You can’t get that insight out of a textbook ok.

So, as a woman that was diagnosed with Bipolar II eight years ago, and has been through the turmoil of understanding and treating my disease effectively, my question is: Is mental illness finally being more thoroughly researched and discovered?  Or, are we using “mental illness” as a reason to pop more pills for non-neurological problems going on?

Like I said, I tend to be more interested in those who have actually been through their own personal journey of mental illness.  Let’s hear from those that are in the trenches, they know what’s up more so than most.

The full article is here:

http://health.yahoo.net/experts/dayinhealth/dsm-5-will-millions-more-americans-be-diagnosed-mental-illness

DSM-5 image courtesy of American Psychiatric Association.

Here are two examples of times I was stuck in a seasonal depression with days that highlighted my state of mind. 

 Poem: DECEMBER

I don’t want to leave my bed

Because I don’t want to dress

I’m not happy with my body

I don’t shop

Don’t want to enter a room with florescent mirrors

Deep ascension into a deeper cycle of self

Hate

The sand falls fast

Darkness engulfs me

I breathe in white air

That turns black in my mouth

Ascending down my throat

Into the abyss of my stomach

A void covered by rolls

Of fat that hide it.

Backwards efficiency.

 Poem: RUBY SATURDAY

Ruby Saturday

Smooth sailing through the weekend

On your couch full ass

A small coma

On your face

Under your skin

And steps to action aren’t written down

So when the morning hot sun

Doesn’t hit the leaves

On your balcony trees

But the sun now softly

Smoothly

On the green leaves

Lies comfortably

On the stem

It’s dusk              

Falling into night

And you are still there

In that chair

Wondering

When will it change

Inside

To reflect the outside time

Of the sun

Traveling on the street

Falling across

The neighborhood

Like a half circle moving in perfect circumference.

Dark winter photo available from Shutterstock