The weekend did not pan out as I had planned, and my “new” diet pretty much blew up in my face. Like my usual manic self, I over did my expectations and made too many goals (3) that were too extreme to manage in my life right now. And all of this is to make sure I don’t gain weight taking an antidepressant that has a side effect of potential weight gain. Potential is scary enough for me to counteract with a new diet regime.
So my three goals or demands I put on myself were:
I started an antidepressant several weeks ago, which happened to be around the same time Lent started and all those chocolate Easter eggs hit the shelves everywhere. So, I ate chocolate, which is usually the devils sin so have always stayed far away but, I indulged more or less. Not a crazy amount, but Easter hit my ass, legs, thighs, and stomach. Or so I think. Or so maybe the new med added to my list of medications packed on a few pounds everywhere.
My mood is doing much better. My antidepressants are working. I hope not to be on them much longer cause I don’t want my body and mind to become accustomed to them. That would suck. So, for now I am taking my medication religiously and try not to think of the days when I only had one medication to stabilize my mood disorder.
Depression comes in many forms. Here is a sample of depression that I endure from time to time.
Here is a scene taken from Empire:
“Hey, hey everybody just hold on for a minute. What is this bipolar disorder? Cause you know that whack stuff with psychiatrist and music therapy and whatever this is. That’s white people’s problems see. Cause my baby strong. He is a lion. He can beat anything.”
“No. This isn’t a white person thing, Cookie.”
Recently on Charlie Rose: The Brain Series featured a panel of speakers discussing aggression. Here are a few quotes I pulled from the discussion which I believe are worthy of attention and conversation.
“The National Institutes of Health (NIH) does not want to fund aggression research at the level they fund fear or like they do for anxiety, depression. Because there is concern if we learn more about the biological nature of aggression that it will be used to stigma people as having a predisposition to violence. ”
This is a heavy statement that can be considered socially and politically controversial. When we discuss the brain and stigma with regards to behavior it crosses the line into a discussion about mental health.
What do you think of when you hear the word bully? I think of some big guy that teases and picks on the little guy on the playground, however, in today’s modern society with social media and Internet advancements, the word bullying has taken on a whole other realm on its own. A recent article on cnn.com discusses cyberbullying and its link to depression:
“The study found college girls who reported being cyberbullied were three times more likely to meet clinical criteria for depression. And if the cyberbullying was connected to unwanted sexual advances, the odds of depression doubled.”
Recently, in local news in Los Angeles County, I read the following headline: Students Mourn El Dorado High School Teacher Found Hanging in Classroom. I proceeded to read the article on this tragedy and found two quotes worthy of examination.
Quote number one: “She always talked about how suicide was never the answer, that she had to deal with it,” the student said. “So just seeing this, it just makes you think what was wrong, like what happened to have her do this when she always talked about not doing it.”
There are a lot of articles about signs for people who are suicidal; many of which discuss how people hold back their sadness, or suicidal ideations, making it difficult to reach out. Suicide is voiced or not voiced in multiple situations. This particular quote from a student points to the other line of the spectrum. In this particular case the deceased repeatedly spoke out loud about not doing it.
My whole life I thought I had ADD or OCD or something other then what I was diagnosed with over a decade ago: Bipolar II. Often times I visit mental health awareness websites and can’t find any information on Bipolar II aka Chronic Hypo Mania.
Eating in the middle of the night, not good. For some reason I have fallen into this habit recently, and can blame it on the sugar free Popsicles I bought at the store. I think just because it’s low in calorie content and sugar free that it’s okay to lie in bed, eat the Popsicle, toss the Popsicle stick out onto the floor, and return to sleep. I justify it cause it is better than eating something worse out of my fridge, however, because I consider it not that bad for me, I overdue it. Sometimes I wake up to several popsicles by my bed and discard them immediately. I wonder if I stop purchasing the popsicles if this terrible habit will leave my bed. It’s embarrassing, kinda sick, and unnecessary. It’s not like I’m hungry or anything.